|Reviews for Triumvirate and Entente|
| Michael Howard chapter 2 . 4/3/2009
The use of the word "wannabe" seemed a bit anachronistic, but otherwise this was an enjoyable chapter - albeit one of an expositiory nature. Bishop comes across as a worthy foe, being both powerful and ruthless.
| Michael Howard chapter 1 . 3/30/2009
Interesting start to this one. Good job on describing the events and the prevailing attitudes of this period in time.
| January Gray chapter 1 . 12/30/2006
Wow, I can't believe I'm saying this to a writer on Fictionpress, but I think you did a bit too much research, or rather too much of your research made it into this chapter. The heavy emphasis on history gave me some pretty graphic flashbacks to my AP US History class in high school. The history weighs things down a bit, which I would know all about. I do loads of research for my longer stories and I once had to delete a two page lecture that one of my characters went off on because I had done so much research for such a simple thing that I made it needlessly complicated and dull. Your work is no where near as bad as that instance of mine was, but it still drags a little.
| Angelic Brunette Hermione chapter 7 . 6/29/2006
I really enjoyed this story. It was quite clever. But it left a lot of gaping holes: 1. What are the three going off to next, now that a World War is practically imminent? 2. What was the point of Russia? 3. The France scene was slightly confusing.4. This whole Taylor/Wendy sex-relationship is quite ambigious. 5. You seemed to be rather in a hurry to finish the story as quickly as possible. We all would have appreciated more detail.
| Lord-of-Fools chapter 7 . 6/29/2006
I think the scene could have been set better with use of description of the surroundings, rather than just the acts. Adverbs, too. They're usually quite good though they can be overused.
I didn't really get any sense of suspense or danger here, or even that these people were actually posing any danger to the world. It was... a little disappointing I guess.
| Lord-of-Fools chapter 6 . 6/29/2006
This is all happening rather fast, it's somewhat confusing. Not sure when the elevator of the Eiffel Tower was put in (you could be right, it might have been designed with it). Lazar is awfully crude, though I guess it makes him more interesting. Sort of makes me wonder why he'd want to become a Jesuit monk in the first place though.
| Lord-of-Fools chapter 4 . 6/29/2006
I'm getting the feeling that you don't like the French much. Or is it just your character?
| Lord-of-Fools chapter 2 . 6/29/2006
'Ammo' is, even if this follows a person's thought, a little modern seeming and informal for a formal piece of writing. Other than that, this chapter was quite good, though I'd like to see a little more happening between dialogue.
| Lord-of-Fools chapter 1 . 6/29/2006
This is quite good, though the term 'racism' wasn't actually used until about the 1930s and it was considered quite a normal political (and scientific) philosophy. There were, of course, those such as Jeff who disagreed though.
I have to admit that, despite having Filipino relatives, I didn't know about the events discussed here (I'm Australian), which is a shame. I'll have to do some research.
A few spelling mistakes, though your grammar so far is quite good.
| tnguyen chapter 1 . 6/29/2006
Sadly, I found this at five a.m. I haven't read it yet, key word being yet, but will once I taken a few hours of sleep in. I had to write this comment to save it in faves so I wouldn't lose it...my life complicates me.
| Angelic Brunette Hermione chapter 5 . 6/23/2006
This is fascinating! I'm getting a Da Vinci Code-like vive from this story only yours is better. Keep up the good work!
PS: I don't know if this is too much to ask but I've started my own historical fic: "Never Turn Your Back on It". I'm not sure if historical war romances are you thing, but I'd be really happy if you review it.
| Arkash chapter 4 . 3/7/2006
Lazar...is disgusting, though.
In the dream, you use some present tense. I'd suggest you change it to past. It would still seem like happening now.
I like the various deities and religions mentioned.
Good job! *_*
| Haku chapter 4 . 3/5/2006
Nice work, man. You've done your research in this chapter, and it's perticularly interesting. I like the fact that the Triumvirate are currently the bad guys.
| Alankria chapter 4 . 3/5/2006
Ew... That makes even me cringe slightly. You know what I'm talking about :P
Would Wendy being born in Japan really make her Japanese? I don't know what the laws were in that country at the time but my instincts tell me that Japanese may not have had that law. If you know otherwise, feel free to ignore me.
You skip between past and present tense in the dream scene, which isn't technically correct.
...And now the game begins. Looking forward to the update.
| Alankria chapter 3 . 2/20/2006
Calling Jeffrey 'Jeff' one moment and 'Tyler' the next is.. not so much confusing as it doesn't feel right. I'd recommend sticking to one name, 'Jeff', but that's just personal preference. Other than that, good chapter, interesting discussion and I look forward to the update.