|Reviews for Remnants: Braka's Tale|
| R.B. Mackensie chapter 9 . 1/7/2008
I'm completely entangled and hope for more! :)
Each and every chapter transitions nicely into the next. I love every aspect of your story: characters, details, development, action, just to name a few. I apologize but I don't have anything constructive. You have a world that is clear and acute, with less-used creatures with their own social structures, emotions, and foes; other readers don't know what they are missing. Keep on writing!
| R.B. Mackensie chapter 6 . 1/7/2008
Well, I was going to try and read through to the last updated post, but I must express my like of the egg hatchery in this chapter. I love the care these creatures give to the abandoned eggs. I've said it once and I'll say it again, your use of subtle detail and description is wonderful! Makes the characters, situations, world, all that more real and believable. Great work!
| R.B. Mackensie chapter 3 . 12/17/2007
I will be reviewing this chapter as I go. First off, in your second paragraph:
"...at least fifty miles across..." - okay, this is a very picky entity, but it is important. You are using a gryphon's POV; only humans know what "miles" are...and since your gryphons don't know what those creature are, they shouldn't be using such terms (feet, miles, yards, esc.)
And again, 4th paragraph you mention "oxen" - now HERE is a mighty challenge for you, Singer...Braka does NOT know what "oxen" are. (Unless his grandfather told him everything and Braka was able to retain all that information), but think about it. He's never seen these entities in his life, so naturally he wouldn't know what they are called. So, how would you go on describing "Oxen" through Braka's POV? 'bulking creatures with four legs, but no horns, and curved horns...' Here's where your talent for description can really impress your readers. (Of course, don't describe every-little-thing, but maybe those that really capture Braka's attention, adding to his development.)
"Swift-hoofed animals." - good detail for (horses) without mentioning (horse)
"two-legged creatures" - yay! :)
"bread", "wine" - well, technically, Braka doesn't know what these are or what they smell like, either. Just something to think about...
An interesting twist that Braka and the humans can interact! And Sarui, a "half-griffin"? Another interesting concept; let's see how it plays out!
| Spirithunter chapter 1 . 12/2/2007
You are amazing at writing about animals-and mythical ones at that. I wrote a story about gryphons for NaNoWriMo 2007, and failed to write them as gryphons... they were far too human. Gryphons are great writing subjects, though. I applaud your talent. Good luck-surely work this great could make it out into the wide world of the greater public!
| R.B. Mackensie chapter 2 . 11/27/2007
Wonderful detail from the get-go. "...as [Braka] grew...wings became broad...feather around his neck grew thicker."
"...the canyon that he called home…a giant place, and yet more of a prison than a freedom." Prison. K, expand a little, maybe. What prison-like qualities does it have? Let the reader get into Braka's mind a little more :)
“The world is not meant for canyon griffins.” - nicely put
I also love how Braka's grandfather still calls him "Hatchling."
Good details concerning high altitude & thermals - I'm impressed.
Exciting through and through!
| R.B. Mackensie chapter 1 . 11/18/2007
So far, brilliant in introducing your world of griffins. Very uncommon and replenishing. I feel that your use of description, though at some points seems to drag at the story, is nicely written and easy to follow. I like how you quickly lead into Braka's grandfather's story about what lay beyond the Rim. You give a lot but well-spread information about your griffin culture and customs (for example the male living with the female's family - I thought it was a really nice touch). Also your details between the female/male, and the different colored feathers on each character, don't take away from the reading experience, which is cuddos on your part. Your placement with details is superb!
| Dark Dragon of the Never chapter 4 . 2/26/2006
Just got done reading your story, and was sucked in by the first paragraph. I like that someone out there is exploring the world of the gryphons, since not many people anymore know of their existance and believe the hippogryph to be a more fantastic beast then the gryphon. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more of this story!