|Reviews for Sweet wrappers and condom cases|
| Humanit-E chapter 1 . 7/23/2010
That was absolutely awesome. It was incredibly realistic. It was as if every sentence had a life of its own. Very good! Shabat Shalom (Peaceful/ Happy Sabbath).
| Gilee7 chapter 1 . 6/24/2006
I know I've read your stuff in the past, but I can't remember exactly what I thought about it. I think I remember liking it, but I can't remember how much, because it's been a long time since I've read anything by you. I've come here several times, though, and I've always wanted to read this particular piece just because the title is so intriguing. So yeah, here we go ...
[7:35. Right. Where the fuck am I? Why is it so early?] How about you put an "a.m." after the time so we know it's morning. Or at least I'm guessing it's morning; but to some people, 7:35 p.m. is early. I'm one of those people. Twice this week I didn't wake up until freakin 8:30 p.m. I'm officially a vampire, and my sleeping habits have nothing to do with this review, so why I am still talking about it?
[Suddenly hand strokes, fingertip touches, cigarette laughs and cum faces flash up along with the memory.] The last half of this seems awkward. A "cum face?" I'm not sure exactly what you mean there; cum on your face, perhaps? "Flash up along with the memory" is the part that sounds awkward.
[Empty condom cases, cigarette butts and beer tops glint at me like jewellery on the bedroom floor.] *jewelry* And nice analogy.
This was a very interesting piece. It's unlike anything I've ever read before. You handle the POV perfectly. The piece feels so real that it's almost like you're writing this when you were in the exact situation. I love the way the writing flows just like our thoughts; the way it's slighly incoherent and hazy in the beginning when she first wakes up, and then slowly things begin to come back to her. Like I said, it's incredibly realistic. You wrote it perfectly.
Excellent job on this.
| addie pray chapter 1 . 3/21/2006
Oy vey. Lovely descriptions, images, even the super gross dried out wine taste that I seem to aqquire some mornings. Well done. I just wish it wasn't in italics, because italics are hard for me to read on this screen.
| sloppy firsts chapter 1 . 3/4/2006
Where's your live journal link? I need my citrus scented fix :(
| not sure yet chapter 1 . 3/2/2006
o boys, very nicely described, excellent imagery going on here, intense and dirty and honest, beautifully done
| no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 2/19/2006
I love the sardonicism in this, with the crinkles in her dress being a bitch, and the last 2 lines. Nice tone. Keep writing! :)
| number1hippo chapter 1 . 2/15/2006
This is excellent. The way you had her progress from sleep into understanding and asorbing the room's objects and the numbers...cool.
| acccountkiller chapter 1 . 2/13/2006
Wow...ok so you either lead an existence like this and know exactly how it feels, or then you have the amazing gift of bringing things you've never experienced to life...and this is just so vivid! A brilliant chain of thoughts, corresponding perfectly to the situation...I love how her thoughts wander off to the car, how she's questioning herself...it portrays the way she must feel so well...which is awesome because this reminds me of my own way of thinking in some cases (not like this but well, lol, whatever...)...the shit,shit,shit, renders everything very real...because people do think like that, in these slightly incoherent ways...its awesome...makes you feel quite worried for her, and the ending is great...ah, i could go on forever, you're so talented! Thanks for the review btw. Love, Mia
| faerie-gumdrops chapter 1 . 2/9/2006
Great description! I love the way that the memories of what happened are so vague, and like we never know what 'his' name is. I love all of the details too like the numbers on the wall. The way the place is described with the condom packets etc makes it seem almost like a crime scene. Great job!
| none of burt's beeswax chapter 1 . 2/8/2006
I thought you characterized the waking up, getting familiar with the surroundings, and figuring out just what happened very well. It was beliveable-not cliche, just right and real life. Very realistic, very sad, but I feel like I'm missing something (background, maybe?). It'd be cool if you continued this.
| Aslan Israel chapter 1 . 2/7/2006
I love how you tell the story, it's just so unique. Just drew me in.
| Aquafied chapter 1 . 2/6/2006
oh i adore so.
the imagery, just so girls in red dresses are always asking for something.
| akaSummer chapter 1 . 2/6/2006
Very good. I like how the reader kind of has to build up his/her own background to the story that you're creative and very well-told. Good use of
| Thorn's-girl chapter 1 . 2/6/2006
So i figured out all i had to do to make this work was click on pop up blocker. god i'm stupid.
I haven't seen prose from you in a while, and this is good. Very good. There is a story here that you don't quite tell, and i like it that way. I've got this girl's life worked out in my head, and though it probably is nothing like what you imagined, i'm rather attached to it. I love the tense, too, and hate writing in it. Its ridiculously hard, so kudos for you.
| kit feral chapter 1 . 2/4/2006
Facinating... "cigarette laughs" is a phrase I really enjoyed. I love how confusing this is and how it borders on insanity but it just manages to grip onto reality... if that makes any sense, lol. " A rumble of last night’s whatevers stirs threateningly inside my stomach" Love the vagueness. You know, the italics really added to it. It's interesting, but it just makes it more like a memory. Fantastic. Love the ending, too... wow. Amazing. I don't really know what to say about this. Never stop writing.