|Reviews for Pencilled in for Never|
| Guest chapter 16 . 2/28/2015
Thank you for the touching story :')
| Guest chapter 16 . 6/6/2014
It was good...keep your head up...always.
| Guest chapter 14 . 6/6/2014
Oh god...i cant stop crying...i cant write...oh god.
| Lioness020 chapter 16 . 11/10/2013
An Insomniacs Rebellion,
Ahhhh... I see what you did here. Clever clever, very clever.
I like your style haha.
All-in-all, this is one of the most well-written stories I've come across. You play the characters very, very well. From the main characters of Rachelline and Harmony to the more minor characters of Lila and the Ramirez brothers, it felt like everyone had depth to them—something I have found most people can't do when it comes to minor characters. Just to be clear, by depth in this context, I mean that the characters are realistic, have a past and background—or have a past and background that has been hinted at in the case of minor characters— are relatable, etc. and always leave you wanting to know more about them. I suppose it could be that you always seem to know where that line of "just enough information" stands which leaves the reader wanting more.
The time-line did seem to be a bit rushed when you stepped back to take a look at what was really going on, but the way in which you told the story distracted the reader from that detail enough that it didn't seem to detract from the story—unless they couldn't help picking things apart like me.
Another thing to note is that I noticed the tone of your story picked up a bit of a pattern. Up then down, then up then down. If something good happens, then something bad immediately followed. Try shaking it up perhaps and add a couple of ups, then a smaller down, then bring everything crashing say. (Just for an example)
Your foreshadowing was very clever and well done throughout the story and one I've never come across before—I plan on adopting the technique for my own writing. Thank you. But once again, if you use the same trick over and over again, it becomes predictable. Why not try a bluff? Trick the reader into thinking something is going to happen—or use something a little more blatant once in a while for a minor situation—and then leave them hanging? Or perhaps that's not your style. It's just a thought.
A particular point that I liked about this story that I can't say that I've found in many others is that it wasn't driven by the fact that this was a lesbian relationship; this story could have survived and been just as interesting if the girls had remained friends, it just wouldn't have felt as well rounded. Most others I have found focus entirely on the lesbian aspect and use that as the sole driving force of the plot. I have found the inevitable drama extremely off-putting—your story being an exception, I'm a fantasy-adventure reader, so action resulting from that kind of drama...I hope you can see where I'm going with this. Your story was a very refreshing change of pace.
A quick comment on the grammar and spelling—because I can't help it. It's so clean! (That is all. Really.)
And you were right, you know. Your summary does not do your story justice. Your writing, however, is fantastic and I hope you are still writing and continue to write as I explore more of your work.
You've a way with words that is quite captivating. I wish you the best and hope you don't find my reviews too critical or antagonizing—if so, drop me a line.
| Lioness020 chapter 15 . 11/10/2013
A very touching and bittersweet followup.
It's good to see you tying up loose ends.
| Lioness020 chapter 14 . 11/10/2013
That was... absolutely heart-wrenching.
| Lioness020 chapter 13 . 11/10/2013
Haha t'was a cute interlude.
The cliffhanger though...do I get to say I thought so?
Though to be fair I did expect it to pop up as a focus of the chapter instead of this suspense.
| Lioness020 chapter 12 . 11/10/2013
Graduation came as a surprise. Did we already know that they were seniors so near the end of their last semester?
I sense more foreshadowing. What will you throw out next hmm..?
The last line is quite telling. A stylistic trait of yours I think; telling by saying the farthest from the telling.
| Lioness020 chapter 11 . 11/10/2013
It occurred to me, if this has all happened within the span of a week, then what happened to that giant project they were supposed to be working on for their physics class?
Ah, suspicions about Claudia confirmed. Although Carlos was a surprise.
So many interesting twists!
| Lioness020 chapter 10 . 11/10/2013
Up and down, back and forth. You play the emotions so well it's like you play the fiddle.
| Lioness020 chapter 9 . 11/10/2013
There's some kind of glitch in the beginning where the opening portion of this chapter is repeated.
Also, plural possessives: "her brother's" should be "her brothers' " (with the apostrophe after the 's' to show the plural-led possessive). I believe that has come up a few times.
That aside, another good chapter with a good mix of light and dark.
I can't wait to see what you've written next.
| Lioness020 chapter 7 . 11/10/2013
Curious. So very curious. Alluded to once before but now more concrete, the opening of this chapter confirms there was more afoot.
You are quite clever.
And was that foreshadowing tied into that invitation there?
| Lioness020 chapter 6 . 11/10/2013
So the secrets are out, so to speak, and the characters have more in common than we thought.
It's interesting. You become so caught up in the MC's (Harmony's) perspective, her narration and expectations that you don't expect Rachel's reactions—and I say this because we already know that Rachel has shown to have an interestingly, purposefully, beguiling personnage thus far when it comes to Harmony, however during the reading one forgets this as one becomes the character of Harmony and "doesn't notice" those details just like Harmony doesn't seem to notice them.
Bittersweet, but lovely chapter.
| Lioness020 chapter 5 . 11/10/2013
Three instances of shock factor in one chapter. Wow.
You've gone and left a flurry of questions with this one. I hope you know that haha.
Wonder why MC didn't try to defend herself in the end...
| Lioness020 chapter 4 . 11/10/2013
"I was calm.
My palms were sweating calmly, my voice was shaking calmly, and my fingers were fidgeting calmly.
Okay. I wasn't calm.
I was terrified."
Quite the clever juxtaposition you've created with your oxymorons.
Tehehe this chapter made me laugh throughout. Goodness I love your character byplay.