Reviews for The Chronicles of Roton, Bk 1: The Fincoythian War
Sora Potter chapter 3 . 3/11/2006
Getting better...
Akira Bane chapter 3 . 3/1/2006
Pretty cool, just one problem. Instead of stating what the dude looks like as you did; why don't you do it this way?

Ex. Raven looked out into the distance, her long ebon hair fluttered in the breeze and sharply contrasted with her pale skin.

You description to get character details, it also gets you more word count and makes you sound like a pro.
Daniel Harlan chapter 2 . 2/25/2006
WOW! This one is awsome. I like how you have it set up and how you talk about the two communitys and the differences between them. It makes it all seem real just like this world we live in today. And the end? Well I like how it leaves you hanging making you want to read more and you get the feeling that this is the best story ever and its thriling and exciting.
Daniel Harlan chapter 1 . 2/25/2006
I think this is awsome. It seems as though you are there. I say this is the bet thing I have read. It shows real action and even though the guy gets sucked into the black whole he returns with out a strach it was awsome and I loved it.
MrsRenfro chapter 1 . 2/22/2006
Thank you so much for reviewing my stories. Thanks fpr the honesty!I will read this story but I just wanted to thank you. -MebbieP.S. I will post soon!
Akira Bane chapter 2 . 2/21/2006
Pretty cool, I like the description. Saw one slight error, not a big deal or anything.

Don't you mean solar system instead of galaxy?

Anyways, its only a slight distraction, but it does take a bit from it. You might want replace the chapter with solar system there instead. (Since of course this is sci-fi...)
Sora Potter chapter 2 . 2/19/2006
*bangs head into wall* It's not a galaxy, dude. It's a freaking solar system! SOLAR SYSTEM! Geez... Get the voc right! But you're doing good, so far. Side note: Galaxy's have thousands of stars, solar systems have one to three stars.
Akira Bane chapter 1 . 2/15/2006
Hmm... Pretty good for a first try. Nice John.


Nice plot twist at the end, the old reversal of parallel universe dudes trick. Nice.
just a teardrop chapter 1 . 2/15/2006
good chapter overall. some small problems (just punctuation and stuff) but other than that, good work! nicely explained.
Sora Potter chapter 1 . 2/11/2006
Nice, dude! Little bitty problems with the tech, but that can be overlooked. Over all, this was a good chappy! Good luck!