|Reviews for Broken Freedom|
| reviewed at 840 pm chapter 1 . 2/27/2006
Hiya! I'm back. And no, I'm not Kitty ;)
| Bluebirdresponse chapter 1 . 2/25/2006
OK, that makes me feel better. But who's anonymous THIS time? Kitty?
| reviewed at 131 AM chapter 1 . 2/25/2006
Obviously, idontknowanythingaboutpoetry got what you meant but is just annoyed because of your grammatical errors. If people would just understand what other people are trying to say without condemning them for their little mistakes then this world would be such a better place don't you think? But seriously, he/she/it does have a point. You have to try to correct your little errors because unfortunately, people like idontknowanythingaboutpoetry exist and the more people who can understand and actually grasp what you are trying to say, the better.
ps. idkaap is idontknowanythingaboutpoetry c:
| Megabyte chapter 1 . 2/15/2006
Whoever you are, anonymous person, I honestly don't know who the crap you are. You're talking like I'm some friend who betrayed you, and I know nothing about you. It would have been easier if you left me with some information or something about WHO you are!
| idkaap chapter 1 . 2/14/2006
Ohh, so that's how it is. Such a loyal friend, eh? Fine, listen to whoever you want. A completely biased friend who doesn't want to hurt your feelings? Or a total stranger who judges the essay based on the essay and not on your relationship with her? The choice is yours.
| Kwote chapter 1 . 2/14/2006
Erm..when I found out what Expurgated is, I'll review this. LOL just kidding, I like it and now I need to read Farenheit 451 ;). Keep writing, bluebird!
| DisturbedKittenWriter chapter 1 . 2/14/2006
Very good! Unlike Idontknowanythingaboutpoetry I think this is excelent. It has some great points and it is fluent. Crane will most likley give you a distinction("A" for all who don't understand adventure school speak). Good job, keep up the good work bluebird!
| iknowthethirdthingaboutpoetry chapter 1 . 2/13/2006
Fix the spelling errors in the summary. They're not part of the essay, but distracting nevertheless.
"The government should not censor what the people say, write, and/or hear."
Avoid using "and/or" when you write an essay. It's one or the other. Also, assuming this is your thesis, it's a tad bit incomplete. Try to include WHY the government should not be censoring things.
As for the content: it's too rambling. You already admitted that it's "compl[i]cated," but I think what you meant is that you're not too sure what you're trying to say. Try to sort out your thoughts first. If you want to be persuasive, the first step is to know what you want to say.
"If the government started censoring what everybody wrote and said, most people would be angry and unhappy."
Your choice of adjectives sound a wee bit too childish. It's also not a very good reason as to why the government shouldn't be censoring things. At least I don't think.
Your overall tone is too informal. I don't think for an essay that is peppered with quotes you're supposed to sound informal. Try to avoid slangs or fragments, which are perfectly legal in real life but not in a formal paper.
Finally, don't end an essay with quotes. Quotes may seem straightforward to you, but they're open to interpretation. You need to explain what each quote means, which you're not supposed to do in your concluding paragraph. Also, don't forget to do your works cited.