Reviews for Love At First Sight |
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![]() ![]() ![]() lol, lovely. Though they dont seem to be exactly alive... I'd love to see this as an epic saga! She would become a legend before passing on to the Netherworlds, that place beyond reality yet before Oblivion. I know it would be a challenge to elaborate the story, but I'd be delighted to help if you were up for it. And just as a note, I would suggest making the transition of Saffire from fierce warrior (or wizard, whatever. its your story, your technicalities. I suppose you called her a demon, but nonetheless, she is fierce and suborn) to kindly, loving (potential) mother a bit more subtle. As well, perhaps a more logical explanation of why her family was killed. I wouldnt take put the current scene... but I would elaborate, make it more complex and detailed, and reveal that those ghosts were lies, conjured by the real evil thing that killed their village! and that evil demon could have been conjured by her so-called parents in order to kill the village and themselves. Maybe they were braiwashes, or possesed, or demons themselves that just craved chaos. Would her parents actually have been demons, or perhaps wizards, or witches, or something of the sort? maybe these people killed them to take their power for their demon lord, and the souls of the villagers killed were harvested as sacrifices. ...okay, Im getting a bit too excited about this. But seriously, it could be epic! And as a final note, the summary seems a little sinister, perhaps you should make that sense true in that we dont know the true intentions of this Shadow until halfway through. You wouldnt be able to grace us with his inner thoughts, but it would be revealed later. I expect a response, wether you choose to expand this story or not. Pretty please! with a cherry on top! |
![]() ![]() ![]() i love your story! hope you can read mine if you can! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Ok sorry but Shadow is kind of a weird name and you have GIGANTIC gaps so um yeah good idea though but again MAJOR GAPS! |
![]() ![]() ![]() i loved it and i hope that the others r just as good |
![]() ![]() ![]() foudn you! Howdy... this sound familiry have I read this one? |
![]() ![]() ![]() Aw wow i loved this story, will there be a sequel? I wanna read more *cries*. Seriously though it really was good and thanks for your views |
![]() ![]() ![]() OMG! I totally loved this story..but im sad that it ended so soon, yu should make a second one..if love was really like that...i would have wished i was saffire..lol...Like i said...loved it soo muchTaylor |
![]() ![]() ![]() Have you ever read the book Twilight? It's a really great book if you want to check it out (if you haven't already) :D I found it at Walden Books |
![]() ![]() ![]() LOVED it. LOVE LOVE LOVED. I can't wait to see more romance between Shadown and Saffire, though! |
![]() ![]() ![]() good chapter! update again soon please~ |
![]() ![]() ![]() Ciao, Ali! Io amo, amo, amo, AMO questo storia! Aggiornero' al piu' presto! *~Christine~* |
![]() ![]() ![]() I liked the new chapters. Very good description! Sorry I haven't updated my story for a while. I have been busy lately, but I promise to update soon. Again, I love this story! Update soon! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Cute chapter. You still need work in your emotional transitions and development. It's a hard thing to do so don't fret about it too much, when you get it down you can always go back and revise chapters. Anyways, keep writing, yadda yadda yadda, I'm sure you've heard it plenty of times .; |
![]() ![]() ![]() O great story so far! Update soon please! |
![]() ![]() ![]() I really liked this chapter and can't wait to read the next! Sorry it's been forever since I read it! |