|Reviews for From Where We Stand|
| perfectsquares chapter 16 . 1/31/2007
this story is awesome - i love the way the characters talk to themselves in their heads. you make it sound so realistic. i always try doing that in my writing, but can never quite get it right. keep up the great work! :]
| amnesiac-vampire chapter 16 . 1/26/2007
wow, this was such an awsome chapter! i aplaud you for it! and for mentioning the great depresion! you are a great writer who rocks!
hmns, i like reading long chapters cuz it keeps up my attention, but i like reading short chapters cuz sometimes i just need a short break...but i like the longer chapters more XD but i say, you should just write! write and write till you can't write no mores for what you think should be a chapter, and then submitt it! or just do whatever floats your boat as they say! great chapter, i hope you update soon!
| Evangeline Rose chapter 15 . 1/20/2007
Damn. If "Before Our Very Eyes" is supposed to be one chapter as a whole, you sure have chopped it up. And stretched it out as well. Some of these segments were a little too short for my tastes, but that's my opinion. You're on "part 11" now, though. I have a feeling you'll be wrapping this chapter up soon, won't you? Or is it going to become like a series of never-ending sequels that finally dies off in the twenties somewhere? I should hope not. That would scare me, and I'm not easily scared by mere masses of text, I assure you.
"confidante"... does it have an "e" on the end? If so, my English teacher is wrong, and she will face the wrath of my never-ending mockery.
-Of course, it is. Perks is the favorite book of every literate high school student. He might as well have had Catcher in the Rye. I pretended to be impressed. I begin to spend every Saturday there just see her.”-
What happened there? It looks like Zeke's thoughts slurred right in to the dialogue without quotation marks to stop them. I take it the dialogue begins with the last line of that quote, though, right? Anyway, there's something wrong with the tense in that last line as well. "Begin" needs to be changed to something that's past tense, like the rest of the sentence. And you're missing a word before "see" in that part, as well. I think you'll catch it if you haven't already.
-I hazarded a “Why?”-
I find that awkward there. I don't usually like the word "hazard" used for this meaning at all, especially not in dialogue tags.
Something about Chapter 15-or Part 11, shall I say-really struck me. It's not that we've got this new information, though that always grabs me, so much as perhaps the tone or pace of this section. It seemed so much smoother and it moved along much more quickly than any of the recent parts before it. I think this is my favorite part yet. The first half was just right, very emotional and powerful. The second half was just so... sweet, to put it bluntly.
When I went back to reread to point out typos and such, I think I've made up my mind about these "parts" you're racking up-they need to be condensed. You've got a lot of breaks where there don't need to be, and obviously, quite a few short pieces of chapter. There's nothing wrong with short segments-but after a while they lose their desired effect, the one that keeps a reader on his toes, creates suspense.
The fact that you've got so many "parts" going for this one chapter-though I've nothing against the idea of using parts to seperate a chapter, either, to an extent-in combination with the excess of exposition-or lack of action and dialogue, if you want to look at it that way-is REALLY dragging this out. Simply condensing some of these parts would help. I think that's partly why this newest section seemed so refreshing; it's got more action and dialogue, provides discription and exposition as needed, and focuses on something entirely different than we've been focusing on for the past few parts.
I think this latest section is an example of when I find these short, brisk parts to be effective. Otherwise, since nothing terribly different is happening or being thought about, the short "parts" just make it seem as though you're trying to stretch the chapter out as far as you can. Chapters-or parts, in your case-are, in my opinion, more useful for seperating different ideas and parts of time from one another than they are as mere placeholders. While there may not always be drastic changes between every chapter, something has to happen eventually to push the story forward, something that actually provides a reason for a different chapter. This isn't a soap opera, and the questions posed at the end of each section don't excite me, but rather irritate me. Again, it's simply my opinion.
I am finding myself far more interested than I am confused, I think, so I don't think anything's too complex right now. And your story's finally got enough characterization under its belt for me to distinguish between the two Zekes. Up until the later parts of "Before Our Very Eyes," I was finding myself utterly confused.
I've saved the best for last, as I tend to do. I am really starting to sympathize with your characters, and I am anxious to discover more about Zeke's father. You're doing a nice job with this story. I apologize for the mile-long review, and hope you can pull at least some useful advice out of this mess. Keep up the good work; I'll be waiting for an update.
| Niki Lemonade chapter 15 . 1/19/2007
you are dispicable! stringing me along with all this mystifying wonderfulness...gah, how i love this story! More please!
| amnesiac-vampire chapter 15 . 1/19/2007
OH MY GOD! i was right XD yosh one point for me! lol yeahs...great chapter, it was so kewls. i wonder what really happened. wells i can't wait to read what happens next, and what happens when zeke finally confronts zeke. till next time i guess, so update soon please!
| amnesiac-vampire chapter 14 . 1/14/2007
awsomes chapter pyro! my guess on who's on the other line is...ZEKE'S DAD! yes and it's probably wrong but hey that's my guess! can't wait till your next update, oh and i hope you survive your drivers test!
| vimaro22 chapter 14 . 1/13/2007
Good chapter. I liked it a lot. It was interesting. Katie is pretty smart. I'm so happy you updated; I've been waiting! Please update soon.
| LEDlorien7 chapter 11 . 1/5/2007
this is my review for 11, 12, and 13.
OK, I am absolutely in love with this analogy: "I needed her to be the next tier of my waterfall, so that I could allow all the information that had recently surged into my possession to cascade down upon her." I totally do that with people. When my friends tell me big things, I tell people I can trust, just so i don't have information buildup in my brain.
I really love this story. I like the new ch 11, with the books and love story. I love cliche romantic sappy stuff. It makes me want to cry. I get so jealous of people in books.
I can't wait for the next chapter!
| derisive snort chapter 13 . 1/5/2007
this is great,Great characters very intricate. Serious issues but not without amusement. Lovely. I’d write more but there’s a cat in my lap making typing difficult. Update soon please.
| amnesiac-vampire chapter 13 . 1/4/2007
AWSOMES! yay i can't wait till the next chapter! katie seems nice, though i don't think she'll replace my favourite character sam...yeahs wells kewls chapter, can't wait till your next update!
| amnesiac-vampire chapter 12 . 1/4/2007
KEWLS CHAPTER! i guess i don't intirly hate chris...though charlie should go to hell if you don't mind me saying. wells that's a very interestings chapter you got yourself right there pyro-writer, it's got me really wanting the next one...OH MY GOD THERE'S ANOTHER ONE! yay!
| amnesiac-vampire chapter 11 . 1/4/2007
wow...well that was a bit interesting...POOR ZEKEb! the poor soul, i still don't like chris, he's so mean to Zekea even though he's dating his sister who's protective of him! the nerve! wells kewls chapter!
| amnesiac-vampire chapter 10 . 1/4/2007
woah great chapter! poor zekeb! the living diary of san luis, poor kid u.u wells great chapter i can't wait to read how this "tris" came about!
| vimaro22 chapter 13 . 1/4/2007
Very interesting... There hasn't been much of Katie to go on yet, but I'm looking forward to seeing more of her soon. Please update soon.
| k chapter 12 . 1/1/2007
youre writing is pretty, but you need more transitions. THe bam bam bam of part 1234etc. leaves the story tasting kind of like a telenova(is that a telenovela? sorry i forgot which)Unless those parts are really rough drafts of interactions you wrote and are going to rewrite later, in which case ignore me. Otherwise, the timepattern of the story is kind of crazy.