|Reviews for Flicker|
| StupoKupo chapter 2 . 2/28/2006
Er...I suck at writing reviews.
Okay, well, with that out of the way...this is pretty good and it truly kept my interest. I really liked some of your descriptions, such as the one about Elizabeth's eyes towards the end for some reason. :D You dealt with their emotions very nicely. Don't worry about too much dialogue; like I said, you don't want to be like me with too much...non-dialogue. x.x Boring as hell!
Anyways, keep up the good work. XD
| Storysmith chapter 2 . 2/28/2006
hello, hello! Yes, a good chapter. Ya'll. Hehe. I love that word. One of my favorites. Right up there with ain't. But, truly, that bears little importance on anything. Very interesting story going on. I like the idea a lot and most of the characters. Elizabeth, well, not so much. Not because of her actions, but the fact that she is...just...not right. When we first meet her she speaks "nervously" and "her anxienty showed when she bit her bottom lip and wrung her pale hands together". Then she moves to the empty seat in the back of the room. Being often like this, I don't understand her sudden complete turn around in personality. She begins unsure of herself, a bit shy, but almost instantly acts like she should be the center of attention, always is. All of her discomfort suddenly disappears. I mean, I understand when she talking...er...Business?...with John, but in her interactions with everyone else, perhaps a more consistent attitude towards them. Either a people person, or not. Introverts only come out of their shells after a while. Of course, it could all be an act, and she just isn't that wonderful of an actress. Who knows? Well, other than you, perhaps. Overall, good. There seems to be a distinct story line forming, so I'll be interested to see exactly where this is headed. Good job.
| Storysmith chapter 1 . 2/20/2006
For a prologue, this reads a bit like an encyclopedia article. I'm sure the story itself will be inetresting, since the idea spawning it seems interesting already, but perhaps work this into the story instead of having it stand alone. Or introduce some people or situations so it isn't so distant and removed from everything. On a more technical level, the writing is superb. Every word seems carefully chosen for its place in the sentence. Only real flaw I should point out is this " but for one to truly believe that they are human never feel discriminated against, except for perhaps their skin color or cultural background." It, well, doesn't make sense. I get what you're trying to say, but it isn't a sentence. I am truly intriuged and will gladly wait for the first chapter. This sounds like a very interesting story you have to tell. Good job! Keep it up! Later!
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