|Reviews for Lullaby|
| Musical-Ink-Exchange chapter 1 . 5/15/2010
this is really good. it would make a perfect song.
| Leaving Here chapter 1 . 8/8/2006
wow. i really like it.~Liz
| lady moonlight chapter 1 . 3/31/2006
WOW the feelling you showed through your peom was raw and sucked me into them forcing me to feel the shaken girl. Truely death is hard to take and make in to a love peom but you have done it with grace in this one.
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 3/24/2006
wow.. very sad and beautiful
| SassieC20 chapter 1 . 3/13/2006
Wonderful! I found it very lovely. .
| Charmed Melody chapter 1 . 3/13/2006
Wel trying something new worked for you.I love this!It's o sad but I like it anyway.
| Mrs. Flames chapter 1 . 3/6/2006
Okay. I think your poems need work. Therefore, I suck and am oh-so-jealous of your oh-so-precious talent. Please. Do yourself a favor and shrink that big head of yours. If you do have a grain of talent, it has yet to show in your poetry.
And dear, contrary to your belief, it takes more than mere talent to write good poetry, so stop saying talent this and talent that. There are also perseverance and practice, and listening to criticisms will definitely help. Get that narrow mind of yours opened. Learn to listen from someone who don't OMG U RULE!1! your poems. Stop telling your criticizers your don't like don't read policy. This is a public website and, surprise, we're actually doing you a favor by telling you what to change. You especially need all the help you can get because poetry seem to be the only field you're convinced you're good at and Satan knows it's not true. So get real. Improve your writing or find another hobby you might be more successful at. As it is, your poetry are only a little below average at best.
Oh, and you spelled "criticize" wrong.
| Frosted Midnight chapter 1 . 2/25/2006
interesting , i like it
| AllyCred chapter 1 . 2/25/2006
I love this, and all i can say is that honestly it brought tears to my eyes, so much sadness behind these words, great expessing these emotions, well done!
| queenvixta chapter 1 . 2/25/2006
This is so beautiful. I love it! I had tears in my eyes at the end. Amazing poem, keep up the great work! V x
| Annaece's Forsaken Corpse chapter 1 . 2/25/2006
O, lovely piece! Great job.
| Itxaro Vizcarra chapter 1 . 2/25/2006
There are a lot of cliches in this poem. However, I feel that the core idea is not poor at all, and you could definitely make something of it.
What I'd suggest is that you cut out most of your images and replace them with new ones. All of these are so commonly associated with the topic that they've become meaningless. I think it might be better to pick a defining moment- when she's sitting in front of his grave, perhaps?- or metaphor and take it and run with it. If the moment you choose is cliche, you need to reinvent it. The eyes could be icy blue, or they could be washed out, faded by years of rain. Obviously, that example was nowhere near as concise as necessary, but I hope you see the point.
One of my favorite tricks is to pick an imagery 'theme'. You might focus around, say, birds- in which case you use verbs like "flutter", "flap", "peck", etc; you use similes that compare things to pinions. Hopefully, this would be something that parallels the piece. You might use a storm for this piece, say, with lightning licking at her arms, his tombstone, fragment by fragment, eroding away.
The following are things you really shouldn't reference:-hollow shells-blood-ghosts-fallen angels-lost souls-nightmares-abysses
They've been done to death so much that I'd hesitate to give them to even, say, T. S. Eliot (assuming I would revive him from the dead) as subject material. Don't even mention them, as they weaken the entire piece.
You've got something that could be very beautiful and very touching, with quite a lot of work.
| method acting chapter 1 . 2/25/2006
Terribly sad. But somehow it just seemed typical. I couldn't get into the dark ryhthm this time. I'm also listening to The Who. You know, that one...Teenage Wasteland? It's called something else, but I can't remember. Yeah, that piano/machine thing in the begining with the drum intro? Kind of throwing me off. See, some bits were jsut too straightforward for it to be likeable to me. Loads of your pieces sound similar, but normally they have a sort of...different emotion behin them? See, that's what I like about your writing. Your topics are normally the same, you know...depression blood angst blah blah, but behind every piece you can see your emotions as you were writing it. Your pieces are like...living breathing things almost. Never one sided. Like the new format, I think, but the piece just wasn't here for me this time. Blame The Who.
| mizu no kokoro chapter 1 . 2/24/2006
interesting~ the ending was quite nicely structured... it fades slowly, like... a dream... good work