Reviews for Web of Lies
nohbdy chapter 30 . 7/11/2006
One of the things I've noticed in your writing is your frequent use of "I"s at the start of a sentence. To improve your writing, I suggest that you change this habit. Here are some examples from just this chapter:

"I could hear birds chirping downstairs, which meant that my father was awake downstairs and that he had opened the window wide enough for the noise to filter through the house. I glanced at the clock as I rolled out of bed: 8:30. It was early for a Saturday, but I knew I wouldn't be able to get any more sleep even if I wanted to. I'd woken up almost every half hour through out the night feeling queasy before falling back into a restless doze. I couldn't stop thinking about how badly I had flubbed up yesterday. I'd wanted to do something right for once and I'd only ended up screwing things over even more."

This is only the first paragraph, but the same problem continues into the third. Another:

"I moved the car into drive and moved off toward the convenience store. I parked to the far right so that my vehicle couldn't be seen through the front windows that spanned the whole front wall. I needed a moment to gather my courage. I turned off the engine and took a deep breath, finding the steel core inside of me. I hopped out of the car and moved toward the door, swinging it open with an air of indifference that was in no way indicative of my true emotions."

I'm sure you can find this very common throughout your writing.
Basketball Barbie chapter 37 . 7/7/2006
Wow. That sums this story up. It had me hooked from beginning to the end. I loved the twist and turns and the variety of characters you have. You should be utterly proud of your work and I hope you continue to write more stories like Web Of Lies
bittersweet suicide chapter 37 . 7/5/2006
Alrighty then. This was a psycho-ass story but it rocked anyways. great story
Splutter chapter 37 . 6/28/2006
you rock
Mrs. MJackson chapter 37 . 6/28/2006
I LOVED this story, I was late for work the other day just because i was so into it. lol. man great plot, loved the characters, great ending, loved it all! Everything was great! This is one of those story on fictionpress that should get published, and i would most likely buy the book...loved it!
cursed-x-oblivion chapter 37 . 6/28/2006
Again, I say, your plot is really 'out-there'. its waay different than what i usually read. and i like that. i hope you make another one just as good as this one.
Chocoprincess chapter 37 . 6/26/2006
This story was great! You should make into a book or something, It would be cool! You seem to be good at writing stories, hope you make another one soon! By the way, Denny and Lynne are so cute together, lol!
Wind Treader chapter 37 . 6/25/2006
I'm in love with this story! I was so addicted that I started reading at 6pm and stayed up til 7am reading it! I hope you continue to write stories as great as this one.

Kitsune
emily-x chapter 37 . 6/23/2006
WOOHOO! 700th review!

Anyway, that was like the best story ever. :D

Good job.

-Emily
Rythe chapter 37 . 6/22/2006
I don't want to be a total prick, but the first twenty something chapters of this story are poorly written and ...well..they're not terrible, they showed potential. But you've improved amazingly! It went from eh this is alright, to really really good. I have to say your writing has matured a great deal, but there was always those hints of talent in the earlier work as well. Good job! Keep up the great writing _
d chapter 37 . 6/22/2006
Wow, that was a good story! Good job and keep writing. You updated constantly and fast which most authors don't do, so kudos!
rocky19 chapter 37 . 6/21/2006
hey i really enjoyed this story!(one closer to 700 reviews)
Miz Em chapter 37 . 6/19/2006
Oh my gosh, it’s surreal to have this story over. I'm so glad that the group didn't die. I don't think that they deserved it at all. I was horrified in the last chapter! I think that having Sue apologize gave that story great closure; it also punctuated the theme of being able to forgive people. Great Job on this story, and congratulations on finishing it. _
forte chapter 37 . 6/16/2006
good story! very addictive, although it did get annoying some times, with the plot getting bigger. but other than that it was a great read!
Happy4u2 chapter 37 . 6/15/2006
Greatest story ever!
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