|Reviews for Web of Lies|
| Belle chapter 37 . 6/8/2006
Polished Gem, (or Ms. Becca, may I?)Well, to start off, I will try to write a good review; forgive me if i don't. I'm not one who is easy on laying down the critiques. Anyway, I have pretty lame critiques. :)
All in all, I am completely impressed with this story. It has a few grammar mistakes, but what story doesn't? I bet if someone looked hard enough, he/she would find plenty in this review. :) But anyways, it has one of the most creative plot line I've come across, published or not.
The romance stories were sweet. It was not corny (Oh, you do not know how much I cringe that word. And, when a story ends up like that, it makes my heart drop.) or over the top. The chemistry between Lynne and Denny is obvious from the beginning and to my delight, Lynne and Denny end up married. (So, here we go, me pointing out the obvious.) Still there was not much of the courting scene. I am still not too sure on whether that's a bad or a good thing. Maybe it's neutral.
The language was extremely clean. I do not think I caught a foul word in there at all. That's a feat in itself!
I am not sure if you had planned it to be, but Web of Lies came out as sort of... a morality story, don't you think? There was a lot of questions on ethics. For example, the bit at the end, where Lynne has to decide on whether or not to help Jonas. It brings up the question that goes something like, "Would you kill 2,0 people for the sake of one person?" Even if it was not intended, I love the fact that questions such as that turned up in my mind as I read your story.
Oh, and I fell in love with Jerred. He reminds me of a few of my friends all rolled up into one guy. He was formed and created beautifully, rich in detail. Actually, all of the group characters were well developed, though some of the rest could use a bit improvement. Lynne's father was one of them. I might see what you're seeing. I'm assuming he healed his alcohol addiction with time. It might, though, be a little more believable if there was a paragraph or two every so often, showing how he was recovering. Lynne should also be a bit more affected by his comments when he was drunk. The immediate reactions were well written. Though, their conversation afterward, as heartfelt and sweet as it was, in quote"e 'normal' situations, wouldn't fix everything. Still, you did not leave her father at an ending note; he finished his part in the epilogue. I do not think I caught on to what happened to Vincent, Christine, or Travis. And, there were a few sentences where I slightly lost you, but nothing that cannot be fixed. The most part of writing is rewriting.
The main point is, you have done a terrific job with this piece. It's a good story in itself. I honestly had to rack my brain to find something that needed improving on so that this review would not end up being something like a love letter to you.
Feel free to e-mail me on anything you would like to discuss from this review, writing in general, or anything for that matter. I believe I shall move on to your next stories!
Congratulations on a job well done!
| Catherine chapter 37 . 6/8/2006
That was amazing.
I'd totally buy a copy of it if I saw it in a store or something.
| jess chapter 37 . 6/7/2006
nice conclusion, a little cliche but it works. i thought your story as a whole good and enjoyed reading it. kudos.
| Kelly chapter 37 . 6/7/2006
Best most emotional story ever. Well Sorry for the short review, but I gotta piss and shower :D Nightie Night
| Silvia chapter 37 . 6/7/2006
Gosh this is like the best story on fictionpress. No Kidding.
| lily chapter 37 . 6/6/2006
I must say congrats on ending this and tell you that it was an awesome ride. One of the most enjoyable stories on ficpress that wasn't cliqued at all. I liked the ending...gave me closure lol.I hope you keep writing! I would definitley read you other work. GREAT JOB! :)
| CallMeCute chapter 37 . 6/6/2006
i love happy endings
| kelyn chapter 37 . 6/6/2006
Amazing. Absolutely amazing. The entire thing was. It amazes me how you came up with all idea and worked out the details etc. Awesome job.
| Aella88 chapter 37 . 6/6/2006
Yay! It is all over now! *sighs happily* How cute that Denny and Lynne are having a baby. I knew they were perfect together from the very beginning! I hope they at least still keep in touch with Jade and Jerred. It's kind of sad that the group is all out of touch now, but that happens sometimes. Also, I was somewhat surprised to find that Sue showed up. However, it was a good way to tie up all the loose ends. *snickers* And Longmeyer finally got what he deserved, and although the principal didn't get all he deserved, at least he did get something. I can cut hi ma bit of slack for helping them out even if it was at Jade's demands. So...you need to write another story now! *nods happily* And yes, I will try to update soon. And this is the last of the three reviews I was behind on! Yay for me! I told you I would give them to you today! So...when's the new story start? Hm...*waiting impatiently*
| Aella88 chapter 36 . 6/6/2006
Wow! Drama drama drama! I can't believe the crowd would go to such extreme exrents. It's crazy how mob mentality works. We learned about it in History class and Psychology. But to murder teenagers. If only Jonas wasn't unconscious. Although who knows if he would have actually helped her out. I am shocked that it is the principal that helped them. Although, considering it was Jade behind it...I think it was really brave of her to help them out. As for Longmeyer, I despise him. Yuck! However, they are all safe now so I am happy. Because I would have screamed furiously if they died. And, happily Denny and Lynne are together! *squeals happily* But what will her dad say when he gets back?
| Aella88 chapter 35 . 6/6/2006
OMG! Poor Caysee. Even if she can be cold at times she doesn't deserve to be shot. At least they found a place to be in relative safety. Also, I totally had forgotten about there being a snack machine. However, it's a good thing there was and that they found it. I can't believe Jonas had followed them...well, actually I can, but still. I think that Lynne is making the right decision by deciding to take him to the hospital. She is not the kind of person who can take having a peron's death on her conscience, and she already has one, Carl.
| RedBerries chapter 37 . 6/6/2006
Nah man. I don't see it. I don't see forgiveness.
I loved this story initally. But after the whole revelation business in the forest, things got kinda slow. And suddenly the focus shifted dramatically. YOu lost half the cast. Not to say that it was bad. The whole story is consistently written. But it's almost like two halves of the same story, but just not gelled in the middle. I loved the characters though. Each one was a three dimensional walking, talking, being. I thought Denny was fab. Keep writing.
| em wolf chapter 37 . 6/6/2006
aw, beautiful story, er, well beautiful in some parts, ugly in others, but overall it was pretty darn good. congrats. i also liked how you ended it. scrap the lovey doveyness between lynn and denny. we already knew theyd live out their lives together in happiness. I liked how you gave the end a sort of conclusion to the madness. Can't wait to see what you come up with next.
| Michelle chapter 37 . 6/6/2006
Awesome story. I loved how everything was so thought out and well organised. I really liked how the story didnt boring. I loved the ending. You should get published!
| biTerSwitMaLdita chapter 37 . 6/5/2006
two thumbs up! u did a great job...)