|Reviews for Saving the Kingdom|
| Dani P chapter 1 . 12/18/2006
i like this so far, has great potential. However, some areas for improvement. I did not learn much about Kagan or the Lady, perhaps you could go more in depth on their characters without simply telling the reader what their like. The dialouge you use shows me a little about them, which is good, but it still needs some expansion. Good Luck with the rest of the story
| Anne Elise chapter 1 . 10/11/2006
This is a really good start... I hope you have more!
| Nemonus chapter 1 . 4/3/2006
First paragraph needs spacing for the dialogue...I like the phrase "A smile just to smile." Your prose is generally well done. ""...of course.” He started, " this should be He stated, yes? Good dialogue. More description of Kagen's office, please. Interesting ending, though I'm not sure how she knows just by his eyes he likes her. Rather random, quirkly side of her otherwise mundane personality, this brings out. I'll think about the title more as you write. I'm interested in this. (Review my Yingyn Riders novel, please? *begging eyes* It's similar in genre to this, and no one seems to care for it.)
| Adaku chapter 1 . 3/31/2006
I think you did an excellent job on this piece. Well done. Anyway, I'm hoping for update soon, because i really want to know how it turns out.
| demiXgod chapter 1 . 3/31/2006
as zenera suggested, try adding more detail to the characters, especially trisha and kagan. there weren't any typos that I caught, so you must have done a good job editing, and the words flow nicely too. Nothing negative to say at all, really. I like it, so be sure to update.
As for a title, try a word or phrase that won't make sense until later in the story. It'll pique interest in the readers.
| Chaotic0ne chapter 1 . 3/25/2006
The idea of saving a kingdom is not a new one... not by far. However, this story sounds like a fun one, and I look forward to reading more of it. I love action/adventure fantasy... I've written quite a bit of it, and while I don't consider myself a pro, I like to think that I have a little experience with it. If you'd like me to edit your piece, I'd be delighted. As far as your title goes, try giving a name to the band of six. That may help. Keep it up.
| KristyASoroka chapter 1 . 3/15/2006
Really good start. I hope to see you may want to think about adding a little more detail about the characters. I have no visual of what they look like.
| ChasingPerfection chapter 1 . 3/8/2006
Hey there babes~I really enjoy the last bit, the part about the servant boy having a crush and the Lady's reaction. Especially that last sentence :) it made me smile. Hm...otherwise...she is either very brave or very foolish to make such a decision so quickly, especially when she appeared to be so wary when he was talking about it. Perhaps she is both. But then again if she didn't decide to go there wouldn't be much of a story, now would there? I do bow to you for writing in first person...I hate first person and avod it whenever I can, you are a much stronger writer in that sense than I am...
| q is for quirks chapter 1 . 3/7/2006
as soon as i saw there was an action/fantasy story on your story list, i just had to check it out.
anyways, this sounds really cool. very interesting characters. your descriptions are also really good, and i think this is going to be an interesting story. great chapter.
| For What Its Worth chapter 1 . 3/6/2006
how old id the prince? is he extremely talented, or something?oh, andnice story, btw. ;p
| Simple.Miracles chapter 1 . 3/5/2006
Intriguing. I'll admit that I'm not usually one for fantasy but you've already got me interested and I'd love to see where this goes. Great start!
| Aquafied chapter 1 . 3/3/2006
interestingyou like the use of mage, hm?
everyone has patterns in their stories though.