getting good cant wait to read more! update soon!

SarahJane

haha, yes, humans misinterpret. forget to carry the one. aw that's it for now i guess. *pops out of existence*

i wonder if there's unemployment services or severance pay or welfare for those poor men under Zarquin. *reading on* o tragedy. yay.

i love the tone of this. it's fresh and upbeat and comical (i'm in the comical mood *reading pratchett*). oh a female head. like a female director on NCIS. sry, in a relating sort of mood. anyway, i'll keep reading now.

Tis a tad short, but ya better keep writing

That definitely got more interesting. So the whole thing started early? Not just her being born? Cool!

the story is nice but your sentences are a bit choppy, and not really smooth. pls get more out, its interesting

Unique, and pretty cool

I would definitely keep reading this if you updated.

Wow that was a great beginning! It totally got me interested in the rest of the story! Update soon, please?

this story sounds cool so far, update soon!

cant wait to read more update soon!

SarahJane

sounds interesting and im intreaged so i think i shall read on. keep up the good work!

SarahJane

What next? Can she kick butt yet? She gonna die and get reincarnated in line 100 years or something? *tries to sit still and watch*

A wonderful beginning! The ideas flow nicely, though the transitions could use a bit of improvement and a few supplemental details could be added. Still in all, this is a superb start to what will be a fine tale. The idea is fresh and new, and Terry Pratchett would be proud. :) Incidentally, I love you!