Reviews for Love Like Hell
Nokanomi chapter 1 . 10/12/2013
Just to let you know, I actually really liked this. In fact, I liked this setup so much that the only thing I could critique on were the typos. Also, I stopped about three quarters of the way through because I was too tired to continue, so enjoy!

Lastly, anything actually in the story is in a quotation mark " like this " but anything that I write as an example is more "like this" to make it easier to tell what is and isn't a part of your story.
_

" had died in a horrible car crash that lead Densuke into hating demons "

Lead - Noun, a metalic and poisonous substance that was, before common health practices took place, used as the primary material in a sewer's construction.

"He wielded a lead pipe."

Led - Past tense, past participle of the verb to lead. (Notice that both of the examples are grammatically correct.)

"He led the horse to water"

"He had led the horse to water"

" reasons: to visit Densuke's grandparents; his mother hated the city noise, and wanted much less of it; and Densuke's father was out of town on a business trip. "

Should be (Excluding the last reason, I had no idea how to edit that to a gramatically correct sentence; you may want to look it over yourself)

"reasons; to visit Densuke's grandparents, to get his mother away from the city noise, and Densuke's father was out of town on a business trip."

" he tried warning his mother about the monster at the side of the car. "

Did he? We never actually got to see that; I think you should consider actually having Densuke say it in dialouge, rather than telling us he did. Remember the golden rule of writing "Show, don't tell"

" Than he heard the noise "

Than - Comparative homonym " I like the old jam better than the new. "

Then - Temporal homonym " I tasted the old jam and then the new. "

" He looked at the ceiling; he saw claws quickly making way around the car. Soon, the front of the car had departed from the back. "

Should be (any variation of)

"He looked at the ceiling and saw claws quickly making their way around the car. Soon, the front of the car was seperated from the back."

" As it would have it, the car was hanging on the edge "

As what would have it? Luck? The car itself? The surprisingly vindicative cliff?

Also, hanging implies being held up by something when I think you meant it was dangling, balancing, staying and possibly swaying.

" and cried, "Mother!" "

Every time a different person speaks, or anyone who hasn't spoken before in the paragraph decides to talk you should start a new paragraph. Even when nobody has spoken before.

" than three years after the funeral. But Densuke wouldn't stop "

No more than three years? That's a pretty long time. Also, should be

" than three years after the funeral but Densuke wouldn't stop "

" seventeen busy block(?) "
/ \ /\

" until he reached home "

Should be

" until he got home " (Reach could work but you would need to redo the sentance structure.

" Yep, his father was awake. "

This is a thought, and as such you should probably put that in italics or two apostraphes.

" "I went… out." Densuke lied; shrugging "

First of all, that's not a lie. That's a true statement. He was out, and he did go there.

Secondly, should be

" Densuke (verb, past tense.), shrugging "

" said in the, "I-don't-care" voice "

Nice. With that said however, you might want to put nonchalant, uncaring or other eqvuivilent voices in place of a term inside a series of quotation marks.

" me and my friends "

Technachly not an error, as it was in dialouge, but just so you know, that should be

" my friends and I "

"Hello Mr. Hiromushu…" Dr. Hiru said as Densuke's father
/\ /\ /\

I...I'm not sure what to suggest here, but I'm guessing that unless Densuke's father is named and Hiromushu is in fact not the non-abridged version of Hiro you may have some things to fix up here.

" Densuke had only shrugged his shoulders "

You may want to consider

" Densuke just shrugged his shoulders "

Because it sounds more fluid.

" Densuke scooted his chair away from as his father as it would look normal "

Should be

" Densuke scooted his chair as far away from his father as would look normal "

" office in was in a small skyscraper, 13th floor "

This might not be the case for other languages such as Japanese or Chinese but in English we generally right out letters as words until we get to triple digit numbers.

Should be

" office in was a small skyscraper, on the thirteenth floor "

You might want to take a more in-depth look at the above sentence however, as I am rather tired and cannot in good conscience tell you that my edits will be perfect and the sentence as a whole sounds slightly awkward.

" Densuke knew that she loved every moment to talk to Densuke. "
/\ /\

" He actually talk, and what he had to saw was interesting "

I'm pretty sure it's

" He actually talks, and what he had to say was unteresting "

Although, the thought of him sawing objects spontaneously in the middle of a therapy session is hilarious enough to let this slide.

"I've taken… a little interest in guys that I haven't before."
/\

" It mad it all the more "
/\

No "e"? Now he's all lonely... Did you and the "e" have an awkard romance that made you two embarassed to work together or something?
_

If you read through all of this, kudos. You are officially have thicker skin than a good half of the authors on this site. If you didn't, I don't blame you; this was a bit of a text wall.

Lastly, if you'd like I could nitpick the rest of your story for you, but if you don't want me to I could just...Not.
firefox chapter 2 . 12/6/2011
in the clasroom when they are talking about the tv show it is called Negima[upside down question mark] not negumi
Eve's Apples chapter 15 . 2/14/2011
XD Love the story, aw Dansuke rocks! The beginning was funy.
lijuan chapter 23 . 6/1/2010
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yuanyuan chapter 21 . 6/1/2010
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lijuan chapter 20 . 6/1/2010
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lijuan chapter 19 . 6/1/2010
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lijuan chapter 18 . 6/1/2010
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yuanyuan chapter 17 . 6/1/2010
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lijuan chapter 16 . 6/1/2010
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yuanyuan chapter 15 . 6/1/2010
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lijuan chapter 14 . 6/1/2010
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yuanyuan chapter 13 . 6/1/2010
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yuanyuan chapter 12 . 6/1/2010
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lijuan chapter 11 . 6/1/2010
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