|Reviews for Smoke Patterns|
| unspecified chapter 1 . 4/28/2006
!wow! that is really powerful, i loved it! keep writing ;) .
| SarahJaneDrkAngl05 chapter 1 . 4/5/2006
this is good and i like the point you made about the porn and being fake. most of thema re and i dont see why guys like it, its better to be real. keep up the good work!
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 3/30/2006
I like this.. the last line is great and I love the live & lean thing
| flaming.footprints chapter 1 . 3/22/2006
"humming Rachmaninoff - soft - aloft -"
I could hear Rachmaninoff playing throughout this and it just felt beautiful. Im speechless.
| account not in use chapter 1 . 3/21/2006
i love the meotion that's been in the work I just read. It's pouring into my mind and making me shake.
| eden is burning chapter 1 . 3/20/2006
Oh wow. For some reason this poem makes me cry, but it's so beautiful.
| bright horizon splash chapter 1 . 3/19/2006
very interesting poem, a good story twist. reminds me of a friend of mine.
| Allis Dalline chapter 1 . 3/16/2006
The structure of this is truly remarkable. Very direct yet so subtle.
An engaging work.
| deepdown chapter 1 . 3/16/2006
i liked this alot. the layout is very striking, just like smoke tendrils. but smoke is translucent, and in a way you are revealing this guys secret life. something he thought hed hidden. use of metaphors was beautiful, and i loved your unconventional techniques, like putting stuff in bold or jamming in extra spaces. loved it.
| Chandra-Moon chapter 1 . 3/15/2006
Hmm, is this based on someone you know in real life? Or someone you knew, in high school? I can see this person very clealy, perhaps because this person is very common.
I liked the contrast between the combat boots and the pointe shoes (not to be english teachery, but I really do.)
| SamHobbit chapter 1 . 3/15/2006
I liked it, it was very well writen. Very mature. The emotion is extreamly apparent. Very well done.
| Elizabeth Bilberry chapter 1 . 3/15/2006
There's something about this poem that makes me cry.
| orionschild chapter 1 . 3/14/2006
all those emotions. wow. i think its sad how virginity is gone to waste really
| Gilee7 chapter 1 . 3/14/2006
[So used / (so dirty)] "Used" is always such a bad sounding word no matter what context it's used in; it really is "dirty."
[she who drowned outback when she was sixteen] When I see "outback" I think of Australia and Outback Steakhouse, which I've actually never eaten at. "Outback" and "out back" bring along separate images and meanings; I tend to think "out back" works better here; unless of course you really did mean "outback." I think of more like "out back" as in "back behind the house" kind of deal.
[they shimmered (black) perfectly] I love the bolding on "black." That worked great.
[So used / so abused] I think "so abused" should be in parenthesis like "so dirty" was at the beginning.
[his hands / only venture on himself / he watches porn (in it‘s graphic centerfold)] I have like a serious addiction to porn. Seriously. It's like no joking matter. I mean, I don't think I'm a freak or anything; I don't go and spend MONEY on it. But I still do look at it, and I blame it for the biggest waste of my time. Like, I'll get on the computer to write or work on school stuff, and as soon as I get bored (I get easily distracted) I'll find myself on a porn site, which then leads to the "hand venturing" and there goes several minutes. Then I get frustrated and pissed off at myself and never even go back to what I was originally doing.
[He lives his life between pinched fingers] Nice line; has kind of a perverted ambiguity to it coming (or should I say 'cumming') so close to the porn/masturbation stuff.
[to reminisce about when I danced on Pointe] This of course reminded me of my ex-girlfriend (otherwise known as my Muse). She's a ballerina. I heard the word Pointe many, many times when we were together.
[the arms of everything that felt (g oo d)] I'm not sure why you made "good" appear that way, but it looks cool and stylish; I saw the two 'o's as boobies ... because I'm a horny, immature teenager.
[the everlasting splatter of your moan] This line really jumped out at me.
[he doesn’t believe in girls who know more / then he does -] I've always felt I have to date an "intelligent" girl for some reason; but at the same time, I still want to be smarter than that girl; perhaps this is why I'm always single ...
[he doesn’t make love to me / he / just fantasizes about it.] Too much of this poem reminds me of myself. Here we go again ... I'm a virgin and plan on staying that way; it's so weird that like when I was 14-15, I was a sex-starved horny teenager like all the others; I couldn't WAIT until I finally got laid; it was like my biggest goal (how lame, I know). But then things changed and I changed and I started to have a whole different outlook on sex, largely thanks to my ex-girlfriend once again- who I wouldn't be surprised is out gangbanging now while I still carry the virtues she once had (long ago). Anyways, I used to want to have sex so bad but I was a nerdy, pimply, pale loser (now I'm just a pale loser without the other two adjectives). And now I actually have girls who are interested in me; girls who even want to have sex with me. I could've lost my virginity by now; I've had opportunites. I've had girls in my bed; I've had girls tell me they wanted to do it; but I always grab their hands when they start venturing south; I keep it in the making-out stage and never anything more (unless dry sex counts, which is more tied in with making-out and gyrating at the same time) But then, later, I'll find myself in the bathroom fantasizing about that whole scene once again, except in my head, I never do stop the girl; we actually have sex. Even with my ex-girlfriend, who is (or used to be) a major Christian, we'd talk about waiting until marriage (ha!), but then we'd still talk dirty to each other and have phone sex; we'd still fantasize with each other; that was our way of having sex. And it's weird ... like, somehow that was fine, but we couldn't do it for real. But really, if you think about it, I don't believe there's a major difference. I'm revealing too much info here ... I've also rambled for way too long.
[At least what I have is real!] I can understand why one of your other reviewers said this line doesn't fit, but I think you should ignore them; this is a great line. I laughed out loud when I read it just because it was so unexpected. It does fit, even though it seems to come out of nowhere. But it's a perfect ending to this poem.
And I love the hypocritical nature of the last several lines. That ties in to what I was talking about above, as if there really is a difference. I'm "pure" supposedly because I've never had "physical" sex ... but yet I get it on in my mind all the damn time.
I can't believe I just wrote all this stuff in this review; I'm so glad nobody on this site knows me in REAL life. Heh ...
Another great poem, Juliet. I really, really enjoyed it. As always.
| Cinnamongirl chapter 1 . 3/13/2006
Thank you for your kind words about my poem. This is very powerful, the subject matter often avoided. I like how the drawn out structure implies a kind of falling. You inspire me to be a better poet!