|Reviews for Git R Done|
| Dandy352 chapter 1 . 2/8/2013
Bloody brilliant narration.
| absentmindedprofessor chapter 1 . 5/11/2012
OH MY GODNESS. You need to continue this - PLEASE continue this! I need to know what's happened to Brooklyn!
| Adelois chapter 1 . 5/27/2011
who are those man? I can't help but keep thinking who are they actually
| pterodactylion chapter 1 . 10/13/2010
GOD THAT DUDE IN THE BOXERS!
The man opened his mouth but nothing came out. He looked helplessly at Tracey.
DO SOMETHING, YOU MORON. GOGOGOGOGOGO! ASDFGHJKL;
Hahaha...the epic-ness of this one-shot is amazing (:
| We Used To Wait chapter 1 . 12/2/2009
Wow, the suspense was wick-ed! It definitely has a bit of horror, and you really make us want to slap the dumb blonde across the face.
All I can say is: AHAHAHAHHAa, she's gonna get raped and murdered and quite possibly tortured in between. I just feel sorry for Tracey for feeling sorry for Brooke. And when Tracey knocked on the door of the neighbour's house? I laughed so hard at his dumbfounded and confused expression. He just didn't know what to do! Poor thing.
And then I was thinking Tracey should get the license plate number. Which she actually tried to do. One, I wouldn't have thought so quickly and smartly in a situation like that, and two, it just sends chills down my spine at how it was conveniently dark enough for her not to see the number or the color of the car. It gives us no hope for Brooke's well being. . . Not that most of us wanted it anyway.
Anywayz, good story; it shows how stupid girls can be, and explains to those stupid feminists out there how exactly a girl can "ask for it."
| Ink-Stain'd chapter 1 . 11/3/2009
All I have to say is that her friend Brooklyn is a retard. And that she puts the borough of Brooklyn to shame. Seriously, if I was in Tracey's shoes I would have slapped Brooklyn and called her a nasty word...Gosh. But it's a sad ending though I still think Brooklyn is stupid.
| Loly Darko chapter 1 . 8/18/2009
Screw Brooklyn, she was being an idiot anyway. This reminds me of those old horror movies that are for folks obsessed with deformities and older, uglier men fucking perky little things with clear skin and big boobs. I liked it aha
| Ingrid Indigo chapter 1 . 7/29/2009
What a shocking ending! I had expected they both would have died...
Nice cliff-hanger, though, no second chapter. -is heart broken- But, it IS more mysterious this way...
I loved it, I couldn't take my eyes off the screen.
| sophiesix chapter 1 . 6/11/2009
Wow this was scary. I mean the girls are terrified, and teh suspence is wicked, but at the same time, the guys kinda balance that out with their amusing dialogue. huh. which kinda leaves you in limbo as to whether you're more scared or amused. I like how teh ending doesn't give you that closure, so the story sort of stays with you beyond the final line. Thanks for an interesting read.
| emptyword chapter 1 . 4/7/2008
Oh my God. Why did I read that. That was horrifying. XDD I'm a prissy reader.
I was glued. Your action stuff is so, so good. You don't waste your words, and every single thing you set down pushes the story on and on and drags the reader along without a backward glance. "'Ya ain't goin' nowhere, bitch!'— and Tracey's vision of the door was wiped away as John Deere slung Tracey to the floor." Wiped away. Yeah, I imagine that's exactly what it would feel like if someone yanked me off my feet and onto the floor.
When the two men first showed up with their countryside accents and manners, I was sharply reminded of "Of Mice and Men" and Lenny in particular. :) With that in mind, it was impossible to dislike them, even while they were attempting rape. Really, everyone in this story I could see myself being FRIENDS with (in different situations of course), which just intensifies the horror.
Aside from the scary-grope-rape-cigarette-burn stuff, I really liked this. The writing is...very good.
| One-Hand Clap chapter 1 . 4/1/2008
This doesn't have the sense of... closure I was hoping for. It was built up, but then it kind of trailed off as quick as those guys did. It was still genuinely scary, though. You have a sick mind. But I like it.
| LadyAmethyst93 chapter 1 . 2/10/2008
wow you are reallt good at suspenseful stuff. . .I LOVE IT!
| Stormer chapter 1 . 3/17/2007
Oh dear! I like how you end this without us knowing what actually happened.
You're definitely good at writing the dark stuff!
| The Breakdancing Ninja chapter 1 . 7/20/2006
The Breakancing Ninja gives this story a 4 out of 5 for its extreme readability and mobility with plot. And for the extremely sad and unusual ending that accompanied it. He enjoyed its extreme hilarity (especially with the accents). Refer to the criticism below for more details.
Oh, and he docked off half a point because it lacked racist references to black people, and the word “nigger”.
[“Come own,” said the voice again. “Open da damn door!”] HAHAHAA
Man, that had to be the first pasted excerpt in my review. Holy God. I totally cracked up when I read that. Your accents are hilarious!
Tracey is a “button-up,” which sounds a lot like “brunette.” At least, that’s what I see.
[There was a heavy rhythmic beat that grew more and more noticeable until objects in the room were rattling. The car was probably full of gangsters.] LOL! “Blood, Cum and Dildo Crosses” would have just said: “It’s fuckin’ nigger music.” But yeah, the bass in some cars is SO bad! When you get heart palpitations from someone’s sub-woofers, that’s when you know it’s bad. Haha
[“Uh, you didn’t even do it!” said Brooklyn, after the car had passed.] I saw a question mark there for some reason. Like, a blondie question mark: “Umm, you didn’t even do it?”
Even when the word “taillight” is correct, it still bugs me!
[“The whole time you were jumping they were like buh-boing, buh-boing.”] lmao! That’s fourteen year old humor for you! I could totally imagine her hands cupping air, and she’s has this happy, exaggerated look on her face.
[“Gosh, Brooklyn, do I have to explain everything to you? It was supposed to be a joke, alright? Like at least mine won’t be sagging when I get older like yours will. That’s why you’ll be tripping over them.”] LOL! I totally saw this happening. If I were Tracey, I’d totally pimp slap Brooklyn.
[The headlights vanished and Tracey watched the driver’s door open and then the passenger’s; a slam and a slam.] So creepy; I could hear that!
“cartwheeled”- I remember that description in “Blood, Cum and Dildo Crosses” when Dennis drops the gun and the ex tries to go for it. The actual paragraph that’s featured here about the glowing embers cart-wheeling- that was a really realistic description.
I love Tracey’s sign language parts in the dialogue; they’re hilarious and completely true to all neurotic people in a dangerous and nerve-wrecking situation when they have to whisper and stay low-key.
[Tracey wheeled around and put her finger to her lips with a fierce expression on her face, silencing Brooklyn as she trotted down the stairs.] I totally saw this when I first read it. The action moves by swiftly. You know, just last night, I was patrolling through your stories and revisited “Blood, Cum and Dildo Crosses”, and it was so memorable that I asked my boyfriend to read the WHOLE THING to me. It was hella great! The way he portrayed Dennis was pretty good. He made the voice calm and real low key, so I could envision the hot guy I envisioned the first time coming in and raping and killing everybody. Now that I look back on it, that story had the best essence of timing! ESPECIALLY the transitional scene that comes right after he kills the little brother. That was such a smooth transition, and that’s when your usage of dramatic sentence repetition was at his finest. My boyfriend really liked how you used “little” for the boy. His narrator voice was the same as his father’s voice, LOL! So when the dad got killed at the end, he pointedly made a note that he had “died”. It was great. Let me just paste a couple of the mistakes I caught that I didn’t catch the first time I reviewed it. He didn’t like the same noun, same verb things, like “streams streaming,” but I LOVED them! Always have. So I defended each one with my life! lmfao It took us a long time to read. I don’t remember if it was one hour or three, but we pulled through to the end because it was that great.
[“Yes, it is! I don’t want to be want to be with you now! You’re fucking disgusting! I don’t want to kiss you after you’ve been making out with Ol’ Blubber Lips. Probably fucking sucking his dick and shit. You’re like all trashy now.”] *omit one “want to be”. LOL! Oh yeah, and the racism, oh my god. That was even funnier on second read.
[“I won’t leave you taped up for long,” promised the ex-boyfriend. “Just until your parents get here. I just want to scare them. Then I’ll let you go and we’re play hostage with them as well.”] *we’ll play hostage.
[A volcanic eruption.] And this was so well-timed! I just had to paste it to let you know! My boyfriend and I cracked UP. The way he did the ex-girlfriend’s voice was hilarious, especially when she said things like “fuck you” or “please, don’t” omfg I’m tripping out!
Oh, yeah, and I don’t know if I praised your exposition of that story or not, but there’s this one part and ONLY one part where Dennis says something like, ‘Good thing you live somewhere remote’- no, he didn’t say it like that, but it was the only time where he mentioned where the situation was, well, situated. I thought that was really clever and effective.
There were like, a MILLION things to that story that were clever and effective.
Anyway. That story was bomb-diggity, let me get back to this one now.
The image of a flying swan totally got me- that was real awesome. Can chairs have that effect though, do you think? Even when they’re blurred and moving real fast, can they really have that effect? Aw, well, probably. I mean, when you’re in a panic and something’s coming right at you, you could think it’s anything. It’s interesting that Tracey sees a swan first, which says something about her personality. At first, the way her and Brookie talked to each other, they seemed like templates, but it was good to get us started on them like that. It was hilarious how Brooklyn tripped over a “Teenage magazine” lmfao!
The use of the word “jarring” for Tracey’s spine was really effective. I had to look up the word first, though. At first I thought it meant, like, curling in fetal position because I took the word “jarring” literally, which produced a great image. But even after finding out the meaning of the word, I still liked it!
[“She’s right hur,” said the other man,] Aww! Can this have two ‘r’s’? Pretty please? RIGHT HURR!1
[he wore a faded gray t-shirt, a beer belly, camouflage pants and a mustache.] LMFAO! Oh, gross!
[“So if you two got any sense left in those country-fried brains of yours, you’ll get the hell out of here as soon as possible.”] lmfao You know what? I love country-fried steak. Any time I’m at some diner or even Denny’s or something, I order it.
[“I like Miss Big Titties hur; I ain’t been widda blonde since Carla. You member ‘er?”The man took a puff of his cigarette. “Fat bitch dat lived over by Bill’s ol’ place?”“Yeh, dat’s da one. Bitch gave me da fuckin’ crotch crickets!”] LAWL!1 “CROTCH CRICKETS” ftjhkj
[Tracey kicked him in the face and then grimaced in pain; she had kicked him with her cut foot.] Ouch, this must really sting from the salt on his pig sweat face. Ugh, I totally dislike it when things are lodged into my foot. [the room trembled when he fell.] lmao fatass
Holy God, poor Tracey! She’s hella abused! She’s like that one chick in anime that always gets the pain inflicted on her- it’s always the flat-chested ones who get abused in anime, I swear. [“How ‘bout I put m’nutsack on it!” laughed the man in the Nascar shirt.] LOL!
“zipper unzipping” hee! -hugs the phrase.-
Man, and golden showers? That’s disgusting, Gilee. lmfao
[The man then reached into his back pocket and Tracey thought: Oh my God! He’s about to pull out a knife and stab me! ] and omg. Every time I see some shady-looking character, no matter what nationality, I totally think that when I turn around they’re going to stab me. I think I would say the same exact thing, too.
[Tracey saw that Brooklyn’s spit was black. Tracey felt like puking.] Oh, ew! Dude, perfect! Ew ew tobacco smut!
[The man was leaning in; Tracey could smell the rotten mixture of cigarettes and alcohol. She wrapped her fingers around a shard of glass and jammed it into the man’s temple. The man screamed and fell over beside her, clutching his head. Blood was spurting everywhere.] OHH! TEN POINTS!1
[The man blinked and said, “What’s wrong with your forehead?”] LOL!
Oh, what the hell? I didn’t even take into account how long the story was, and all of a sudden, it ended! Gilee, jdfjszdj!
Okay, see, here’s the good thing: For once, the innocent one isn’t the one that gets punished. lmao I mean, I don’t have much sympathy for characters in general, but I really felt for poor Tracey; she tried her best. UGH! And that apathetic neighbor, what the hell? What a complete jerk!
Anyway, some miscellaneous things that I liked:
The grammar efficiency. -grabs face, kisses!-
Nothing in the story sticks out too much, so it isn’t insanely beautiful in just one paragraph and totally shitty with the rest. Well, I don’t think any of your stories lacked balance. So I guess I’m just praising the fact that this one doesn’t, either.
It’s coolly how your writing enabled me to see the characters’ physical make-ups just based on their respective personalities and the dialogue. I saw Tracey as the honest, flat-chested brunette.
The story had a low-key ending, which, surprisingly, wasn’t disappointing. I mean, it wasn’t low-key event-wise. Because a fourteen year old getting kidnapped by a couple of lechers is like, WHOA? But I think the ending was still pretty quiet, kind of like, a cigarette being put out by someone’s foot. You know what I mean? I could almost imagine you losing stamina and trying to find a good place to end. But this was perfect. It’s weird, but after reading “Blood, Cum and Dildo Crosses” just last night, I have this big appreciation for your low-key ending. This story seems to be the chunk of clay left over from some other masterpieces, and you’re doing your best with what you have- this also seems more like a segue into stuff that keeps getting more and more low-key. It’s why I think I can’t exactly insult the ending. I was kind of glad it ended there, too. But you know, I wouldn’t mind reading another chapter of it. And you could get into a whole new genre of suspense, where Tracey’s a goddamn killing machine. LOL! I think if I had read the stories in order, I would have probably insulted the ending a lot, unknowing of what path your writing was to take. Ah, but everything in Life is perfectly intended.
You know what would be hilarious? Like, RIGHT after Brooklyn is abducted, you could have the yard catch on fire from the cigarette- LMFAO! The ending was so sad, it needs something sad but hilarious, I think.
I really enjoyed the flow of the story; no pauses. It was seamless from beginning to end, and, the only time I paused was actually to paste in those corrections for “Blood, Cum and Dildo Crosses”. And when I was reading, I kind of forgot that I was hungry. It’s like, 7:37 in the morning right now.
The accents were hilarious. Of course, it would have been unreasonable for me to copy and paste everything- well, maybe I should anyway. No, never mind. But the accents were great. Everything here seemed perfectly tailored. It’s not some backwash story, contrary to what even you might be thinking. For the piece of clay you had, this turned into something pretty cool!
I’m kind of glad, too, that the two males were caricatures of wankers rather than real scary guys with bad teeth and weird warts and diseases bunching on their elbows. I think that would have been too much for me. The villains were funny and raunchy in their own right. Maybe for that terror effect, you could add some descriptions about dandruff- or even have someone pull their you-know-what out- maybe the guy with the crotch crickets (LMFAO!) and describe that a little bit. I don’t encourage it, but I’m leaving it up as a suggestion in case you want to make the story more graphic, scary and dark. I seriously thought there would be a happy ending.
But Tracey stabbing him with a piece of glass? Classic! I just… don’t remember if it mentioned her palm bleeding or anything. Because if it could stab him in the forehead, it also must have a pretty sharp edge. Three injuries for the road! What was the utility of the cigarette burn, symbolically? I mean, there has to be some subconscious reason why her forehead was burned by a cancer stick.
I think I’ll give you a Hertz analysis of what this might be. I haven’t done one in a couple of weeks. Then maybe I’ll find out that symbolism.
The story seems to reflect a lot on the brashness of inexperienced writers (Brooklyn, Tracey) and the ignorant audience (Mustache, Goatee). What a cocky inexperienced writer does is, well, become an exhibitionist, especially upon discovering the newfound freedom of writing. It’s something liberating to do, and when you’re writing, it feels like the parents aren’t even home.
When an inexperienced writer becomes an exhibitionist, they invite readers to come and see their work. Of course, the story addresses how disastrous this is, and even squelches the idea of exhibition. Because, what the story fears the most, is an ignorant, abusive audience that 1) isn’t sympathetic, 2) cannot relate either in age or disposition, and 3) is abusive and self-destructive.
The story fights in a weak attempt to escape this bad audience. Violence in story tends to flourish the anxiety of a writer over the whole piece, which lends to its effectiveness. Well-executed violence shows excessive force to squelch the fears of writing addressed in the actual story. The fact that Tracey’s (or the inexperienced writer’s) efforts to ‘push out the demon’ were weak and fruitless, shows the frailty that the actual author feels about his/her (well, his) work, or his current state.
Tracey also appeals to a different audience, which shows another fear of writing. The apathetic/indifferent audience. They pose an even greater threat.
The idea of one of the inexperienced writers being dragged away by the two men shows the foreshadowing of ‘rape’ of that inexperienced writer. When any author writes, they bear- no, BARE a part of themselves. Meaning to say that, they pretty much flash whoever they’re talking to. And when the person who is talking to them reacts a certain way that doesn’t go according to plan, fears set off.
The story dislikes the inexperienced writer who is reckless and thoughtless (Brooklyn). It punishes itself.
Hahaha I hoped you liked it.
Oh, okay, about the cigarette burn to the forehead, maybe that’s punishment for Tracey, the other more prudent and neurotic inexperienced writer, for thinking any of this was a good idea in the first place, ie: thoughtless, shallow exhibitionism. It reminds me a lot of how people, when they do something stupid, they call themselves stupid and they dash their foreheads with a palm.
The story was an enjoyable read! Its length was perfect for its caliber- you really know how to make these judgment calls. I’ve never seen someone so sound and so in touch with their own style and so conscious about it the way you are. It really reflects in all your pieces!
Dude, totally rock on, Forrest!
The Breakdancing Ninja out! -throws a smoke bomb. POOF! back flips into the smoke.-
| citrus scented chapter 1 . 6/26/2006
oh bad idea to read this, alone in the house, at 2-3 am after having just watched wolf creek earlier on today. ew and ew again, as always i dont know whether to be horrorfied, or amazed. not so much morbid this one as just plain horrible, and amazed because of the writing. i cant think of a better word other than compelling. your a really fine writer, no typos no critisms ( other than- you said you worried about me ? cant help wonder the same thing haha) seriously dig their accsents ( the mens) its really believable and consistant- somehting i find near in possible. anyway, Im kinda scared now- haha, im glad i read it but at the same time not!