Reviews for Microphone
TinuvielDork chapter 1 . 9/1/2006
Good. Good god, very good. Such depth. I completely relate. Except for me, with my mom. I loved the lines "I can hear everything, and when I talk/you can't help but look toward the echo."

Maybe I'm interpreting this differently from what you meant when you wrote it, but it's really hitting me in a certain spot right now. The way there seems to be such a lack of real communication, always something lacking, and the sense of never being quite good enough. The entire last stanza blew me away - it's brilliantly perfect. It's exactly as I feel with my mother. All of it.

Thank you.

Much love...TinuvielDork
Gilee7 chapter 1 . 4/18/2006
[and I’m just an uncontrolled / girl alone on stage growing / my hair out again (past my / shoulder blades)] I really like these lines and the whole first stanza. I find it kinda cute and innocent, which is quite a contrast from everything that follows. I get the image of a young and vulnerable girl in this first stanza, when the rest of the poem has a powerful, I-Don't-Need-Your-Help, stomp-my-foot, in-your-face kind of attitude to it. I like the part about growing out her hair again. It makes us wonder why exactly this girl cut her hair in the first place. And I like the symbolism of a person growing out his/her hair again.

[girl on her fathers fifty-sixth / birthday] *father's*

[don’t tell me how low to / wear my jeans - heels too high - / breasts? - I’ve had them sense I was / twelve (what do you want me to do / about them?)] With you I never know what's an error and what was done on purpose, but I'm thinking "sense" should be "since" here. And I love the rebellious attitude of these lines. Going back to the first stanza, when I saw an image of a young girl, I now see the image of a rebellious teenager in these lines. And I love the sarcastic humor, too.

[Shop around a dance floor, pick out / the darkest corner and hum to the / touch of a stranger.] I like the secret-like seductiveness of these lines. I could never go to a dance club; I mean, I could go, but I couldn't dance with a stranger like that. I don't have the confidence or guts. And with the way people dance sometimes ... it's kind of like anonymous sex on the dance floor.

[The danger of youth pours out of my / skin like sweat - I just let it slide from / curve to curve] I love these lines; very striking imagery; powerful, even.

[Reiterate my warrior status - slow down the / pace of my face as it twists around the noise; / the poise of a girl (uncaring) look at me like / I’m willing to be ready (but am I ready to be / willing?) filling in the patches of threadbare / water - I can hear everything, and when I talk / you can’t help but look toward the echo.] Excellent stanza. I love the rhyming, too.

[What is poetry? What are words? Can / I form them in space before I replace / them in my mind] This reminds me of how I run to the computer or a piece of paper when a new idea for a story suddenly strikes me. If I can't write it down on anything, I'll just keep going over it again and again inside my mind so I won't forget it.

[I kind of like being stuck in my situation / (from time to time) I like to rhyme, / but mostly just chime like the salty /spray off Eliot Bay - do you hear anything /that I say?] Great rhythm/rhyming and great figurative language. And once again, I love that attitude.

[Just a young girl. For Real!] LOL. For some reason that "For Real!" made me laugh. I can totally see the face that goes along with that.

[I know what I’m doing, / and even if I don’t it’s my life to play with.] Perhaps a comma after "don't?" And I totally agree with this statement. I've said it to my parents and elders in some various form or another. I appreciate people looking out for me and that they may be concerned with my well-being and future, but mostly it just annoys me. It's my life, ya know? I'll do it with it as I please. You have your own life to worry about so don't try and direct mine, too. I like to do things my way. I don't like being told what to do. If I screw up, I screw up. But it's my life to screw up, so leave me the hell alone.

[My internal microphone is buzzing - dear dad / in all of his silver haired splendor who read my / chicken scratch poetry when I was ten but forgot / about the hobby sometime between his backhand / that landed me on the floor, and me running away / right here (right now.)] Strongest, most powerful stanza of the poem, as it should be considering it's the last. I really like the spitting, fast way this has to be read since there's almost no pauses and a lot of words. I think I'd actually take out the comma after "floor" to make all of it be read with one big breath.

Great poem, as always. Your work always has a strong feminist quality to it, but it really, really, REALLY stands out in this poem. I love the attitude that seeps through the poem; it has a lot of feeling to it. And even though I'm not a girl, I related to this poem on a handful of different levels. I also like the way that the poem seems to "grow up" as you read it, growing in strength and independence with every stanza.

I'm determined to read and review your last several poems by the end of the night. You always read and review me shortly after I post, and I feel bad because it takes me weeks usually before I review your stuff. Before I can post again, though, I've told myself that I have to read your last several updates.
SarahJaneDrkAngl05 chapter 1 . 4/5/2006
wow this is good. keep up the good work!

SarahJane
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 3/30/2006
I like this.. awesome piece.. really love that last stanza.. if you want help getting rid of the double spacing let me know
account not in use chapter 1 . 3/21/2006
that's my father, in that last stanza, that's me and him.
dollface and her cancer chapter 1 . 3/21/2006
A lyrical kind of accusation. Powerful as it strips away the pretense, and leaves no room for apologies. I like this, if only because it is oh-so-honest and unescapable.
bahaghari chapter 1 . 3/20/2006
"Shop around a dance floor, pick out

the darkest corner and hum to the

touch of a stranger."

I picked this line for it being so provocative. But finishing 'til the end made me think it's a painful provocativeness. Whatever, I think the poem is lovely and angsty at the same time.
Anecdotes Of The Arcane chapter 1 . 3/20/2006
brilliant. end.
GeekyChica chapter 1 . 3/16/2006
I especially liked the line: Like the blue of my boyfriend(colorless) to me but noticeable to the rest of the world

You have a wonderful power over words, and I find myself in awe whenever I read your work.
Allis Dalline chapter 1 . 3/16/2006
Your diction and syntax are so effective in expressing emotion. I commend you.

(Oh, and I love the sixth paragraph "Reiterate my warrior status..." It greatly appeals to me, for some strange reason...)

A sad yet enjoyable read.

C*C
Farran chapter 1 . 3/16/2006
Brilliant. I love it. "The danger of youth pours over my skin like sweat" Great lines. Another Beautiful clever pice.
Jacqueline Stem chapter 1 . 3/16/2006
Very cool poem, especially "My body to sway with My soul to lay with" and there are a few other lines that really struck me. One thing, I think you meant "since I was twelve" instead of "sense I was twelve". Otherwise, I really enjoyed it.
We Burn Like Stars chapter 1 . 3/15/2006
Wow, you have a way with words that leaves me in awe. This is beautiful. I wish I could say more, but I can't come up with the right words.
Chandra-Moon chapter 1 . 3/15/2006
Dissapointing parents, who don't seem to even realize they made a person, and they now have to nurture and accept it. Sometimes they can't ever see you as someone besides the child that you once were to them. Sometimes, they can't ever see you at all.

Is this about your feelings reading your poetry open mic? We are so similar-I know I'm younger, and less wise, but what you write-it's the things I think to myself, that I worry about or laugh about. Things about myself I refuse to change.

I never make sense. Great poem.
MidnightStar005 chapter 1 . 3/15/2006
Love it!

xoxo
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