Looks Pepsi fans are going to be angry.

Tsk tsk tsk, and here I thought the chapter would end showing us the outcome of the mission, whether it was a success or a failure. I was not expecting an direct antagonist to pop up. Up until the point where Oliver cracked the code, it really didn't seem like the story needed anything like that. Oh well.

Greetings from RAOSC! That's Rpg, Anime and Own Stories Continued, a forum located in FP's manga forum section. Congratulations man, your story was nominated to be featured for our little weekly review circle, so here I am.

Now I'm no expert in writing, believes each writer has their own style in writing things, and can't really pin things down as objective or subjective, so I think I'll just mainly touch on the story for this review.

It was definitely grand. A lot of things were given out and established in this one chapter alone, to establish a world where law and order rules with an iron fist. I still think the little author's note italicized at the beginning was unnecessary, though. It took away from the reveal and establishing of the world a bit that came later on.

Heroes and villains, especially supers, are harder to visualize in novel format for me, so the telling did little but toss the names out. I feel like having them actually interacting with Oliver would make for a more memorable introduction. With how Oliver's described as rather 'normal' only made things seem that much more difficult to swallow. In this regard, Malevolence was fine. Despite doing little but sit, stand and talk(and pass a file) his dialogue and mannerisms when dealing with Oliver added loads to his overbearing personality, the type to always exert dominance with ruthless efficiency.

For the most part, I liked the dialogue a lot more than the descriptions. They flow better Maybe it's just me, but things seem to slow down considerably when you start describing, especially when they're sprinkled with a bit of introspection and monologue. Maybe they could be trimmed? I know I'm probably not going to remember them anytime down the road, especially if an impressive, powerful or memorable scene pops up in the coming chapters. Diving Oliver's backstory a bit while he was frantic in trying to pick the lock was the worst, as it slow things down considerably, robbing that segment of the powerful momentum that had all but captured my interest and attention.

As I said, would have liked to have been shown the stuff about Malevolence and his criminal cabal, the achievements of heroes like Ultra, and the highly controlled society instead of being told mostly through narration. It would have been more immersive, especially when the ideas are so far out there that it's difficult to paint a clear picture in your head without some scenarios we can relate to.

Overall, it was a good read nonetheless. We'll see where this goes.

Amazing story!

this was a really well thought out story and seriously incredible. you did an excellent job. this is defently one of my top 10 favorites i have read so far.

I knew when she was first introduced that I would like Delacroix. I wouldn’t have made the same choice as Reed though, as I am far too paranoid.

“Oops Malevolence, she died of internal injuries after the battle…..”

But hey it seems to have came up as a good idea for him though.

I love the Hypocrisy of the Cutler regime, so slimy. Mal might be one of my favorite characters in this story…. Weird. This is getting better and better.

Chap 10.

Incredible chapter,

Particularly creeped out by the reeducation centers and their personnel.

This reminds me more of Squadron Supreme and The Authority more and more, where the Heroes are as unhinged and psychotic as the villains they fight.

I like how Reed got into Ultra’s head.

Wow Reed iced up another top hero he has to stop this before he become number one with a bullet on the governments hit list.

The writing is really good, I could see this in book stores, or audiobook. Great project you have here. I am really enjoying all the characters, From Culter, to Moore, to Trauma. Not just the main characters. Man it’s a bleak world though.

I had guessed right about the identity of the Raptor too, amusing fellow.

I have to say, this story was awesome. You set it up for a sequel, Kill Bill style, and threw in plenty of references. Ever heard of a game called "Deus Ex?" Since you're a "Thief" fan, it has many of the same minds behind it. (Bioshock may be another one worth checking out). The superheroes and politics were well done, and it's always good to read about an anti-hero who fights with his mind more than mindless strength. Looking forward to reading more of your stuff!

Lot of action this chapter, and things get more interesting. The story's well edited and paced. Looking forward to reading more.

Very interesting story so far. As for Reed, he reminds me of Solid Snake and Sam Fisher from Metal Gear and Splinter Cell. A lot of his urban movements resemble parkour. I hope there will be some rooftop chase scenes later on. Facing both the fascist government and other criminals looks like a very awesome setup!

Oliver's ruthlessness was a bit disturbing but I find it makes me like the character even more. I wonder what that says about me though... hm.

Good Chapter!

This is just quality work. Top notch, I am really enjoying the world you are painting.

I am enjoying all of the characters. Especially Malevolence, It's all turning out so well.

This story reminds me in some ways of Wanted. Secret Cabals and Represive Governments. A great setting.(The Graphic Novel not the movie, which is a good thing.)

I'll certainly give the other stories a look, this one in particular makes mine look, well, just bad really. I meant random concerning, amongst other things, being the Prime Minister of Iceland (though I own and live aboard the world's largest turtle) and the mention of cake molestation (whatever floats your boat)

Exceptional! Truly exceptional! A brilliantly constructed story (also refreshing to know that you are almost as random as me).

(Note that this review is for the whole story, not just this chapter)

That was...exquisite. To a comic-nerd such as myself, that was an absolutely fantastic read. Brilliantly written, with interesting characters, a world I could really imagine, and a strong theme of vigilantes and fascism that for me evoked airs of Watchmen and V For Vendetta.

The characters are so cool. I genuinely liked Oliver Reed/The Wraith, and Raptor was ace (and a lot like Batman in description).

Honestly, this had me captivaed all the way through. An excellent piece of work, and something to be proud of. You should get it published properly as a comic or 'just' a novel-I for one would certainly pay good money for a copy if I saw this in my local bookstore.

I cannot praise this highly enough! Really great work.

Hello, John.

Well, you have created a fascinating universe here. Sure, I can see many of the influences you mentionned, but the combination is unique.

In WRAITH, we have an interesting and likeable protagonist-I mean, a thief and a killer in a fascist state would have to be a good guy, right. He's like a mix of Simon Templar and Spider-Man...or something. Very cool.

When time allows, I will continue reading and reviewing this work. I would definitely pay for this were it a comic or a novel.