I really love this story - and I always thought it was insane that the hero (or antihero) causes a distraction and all the guards leave their posts.

However, a minor type. You said the three guards left the "third" behind, that should have been the fourth.

Interesting backstory of Greary and very wierd twist for Victoria that I'm actually wondering what will happen next.

I'm not going to make assumptions though.

This story is fantastic. Once it's done, you should definitely look into getting it published. Reed is a terrific character, and the scenario he is placed in is well thought out and filled with detailed descriptions. You did a great job developing the personalities of each of the men in the beginning of this chapter.

However, you also have some minor grammar problems. Do you want me to PM you with a list? (I'm an anal editor, so I pick out practically EVERY unhyphenated word and slightly ambiguous phrase.) Some people get touchy about their mistakes, so I thought it was better to ask you rather than post them all here. Message me if you want them, and great job!

Wow that is some conspiracy caper you've added, John impressive, especially given the characters a back story

Yes, another chapter! I am glad that Reed made it out of there alive and wasn't the mutes name Dwight Cutler? Does that mean that the president made a clone for himself? Or does he just have another son. So now Ultra has a real name. I wonder if Victoria is pregnant and what ever happened to that government agent in the outland. I can't wait for more, I love this story. Please update soon, you are a fantastic writer!~Rain~

I Love this story, I must say it is one of the best I have read on here. Reed is a recognizable hero in a world full of villains, sort of like V for V for Vendetta. I love the totalitarian government and I think you can describe the world so well. Hope you update soon.

~Rain~

I didn't even need to read too far into this before I figured out it was going to be amazing.

John,

Your writing is very good. I am somewhat surprised at the low number of reviews it receives. I guess most stories in the Action category go unnoticed.

The one serious problem that I have noticed, is that you tend to upset the pacing by giving us dumps of information. That is, the narrator often directly gives us large amounts of background knowledge that we, the readers, don't really need to know. If it is important, it would be better to work that information into dialog or interactions somehow.

~IceRiver

Glad to see you're still writing, I feel the drama in this chapter.

A better review, The story has a blend of equilibrium, V for Vendetta and a twist on Farenheit 409. I like it, and the use of Sun Tzu shows how detailed the character is in life situations, a blend of action and slight espionage makes it worth reading and a dark futuristic feel makes you wonder who to side.

The story intrigues me, it has this nice feel to it

Heh, I notice that fictionpress removed my mention of storiesonline net website, and ewp org website (respectively) from my previous comment. Doesn't read very well without the urls. However, that aside, it's nice to see you keep updating the story. I just popped here to mention that I won't keep reviewing every chapter, but I'll be checking here at least every other day. It's one of the best stories I am currently following online.

I hope Reed will somehow close that gap of power between him and his enemies, because somehow he seems so weak compared to every other superhero. His powers have to somehow enchant his physique, because no way in hell what he's doing is normal. He's one tough guy. :p

Damn! This is practically professional fiction. And I don't mean this lightly, I am not the typical teenager who browses through fictionpress. So understand that I am not saying this lightly. You work certainly stands out from the standard fare here.

I would recommend you to post this story at you'd have to create a username for it but it's free and has no spam or anything related to it. Reason for this suggestion is that I am member of that page and it would give me an opportunity to track your progress and actually rate your work. As a downside, the site is mostly erotic fiction, but there's plenty of everyday fiction available. Other I would recommend is which is similiar, but smaller.

Anyway, that aside, this is truly good and interesting fiction. The world is interesting, and seems to be fully fleshed out. The main character is likeable and I can relate to him with ease. I only wish that his superpowers would be a bit more powerful, because as it stands now - he seems fairly mundane and weak among people who can lift tanks. That's the about only complaint I have of this story... and the fact that it's not finished.

Keep up the good work.

I know it's not constructive to ramble about how good the story is...

But it's great. :p Made it onto my favs list. Keep at it, looking forward to reading the rest!

feel free to keep this story going... I for one am continuing along with you.

One small thing I noticed and you might want to keep an eye on for yourself is the word usage. Sometimes in a paragraph you'll use the same word to mean the same thing... hit a thesaurus, brother.

And I'm saying that knowing full well you are a man with a much larger vocabulary than my own. Hell, I'm surprised I didn't write "fuck" yet... shit, I just did. SHIT, I said shit! Dammit I did it again!

el oh el...

I dug the simpsons reference... and I'm sure there's many more I might have missed. Some might not like seeing the homage to heroes... I for one dig it.

I did notice a word was missing... lemme see if I can find it... one sec...

“I know. Stealing from President Cutler and stealing from Malevolence, playing both sides against each other... it’s the ballsiest thing I’ve ever done, but what they don’t know will almost certainly kill them.” He paused as his mind’s eye showed him WHAT might happen if his plans failed to come to fruition. The odds were very high that he would end up in an even worse position that the poor soul Malevolence was torturing in his office complex.

I stuck the word "what" in there because I'm pretty sure that's needed... other than that no technical mistakes my dopey ass could figure out.

As a dialogue guy, I'd cut down on the "jesse" stuff... unless there's a reason for that? Most people when chatting just don't use the name of the person thwey are talking to that much... and as a fellow fella, I'm sure you know it'd be more like "hey, cock goblin" instead of "hey, Jesse" as we all have that nature in us to pretend we don't like our pals or something... some sort of male bonding or something.

Anyway, feel free to drop in on that message board again... I'm back.

Peace out.