Reviews for Bites
Heart of the Blood Drinker chapter 7 . 11/2/2006
. . . that's disturbing in a whole new way... Wow.

Keep it up.
Radio Saturday chapter 7 . 10/17/2006
This is pretty good. I like the story and the like the fragmented telling of it - changing viewpoints and settings and everything. However, I think there are couple of problems.

First off - and I say this to almost everyone - there are a couple of grammatical and spelling errors like comma splices and sentences combined when they shouldn't be and simple things like that. But that can be easily fixed.

Actually, one of the bigger problems that I saw with it was the way settings and characters aren't really described. Even if you're going to kill someone off, they still need to live and breath for the few minutes the reader knows them. Otherwise, the reader doesn't care and that's not what you want. I mean, you're trying to show how cruel and pointlessly violent and horrible vampires' lives are, right? Then you need to bring home the fact that these are PEOPLE they're killing - real, living, loving, hating people. And settings and occupations are unclear. Was Amanda a dominatrix? What did Adam's house, or, for that matter, his girlfriend, look like? In what kind of house did Nell and her family live? What was Hunter's circus like? These things aren't described and they should be. It'll lend interest to the story. Also - and this is just me - the name Xaldin seems a little unbelievable for someone around 150 years ago. In future edits, I'd suggest changing it. But, like I said, that's just me.

This is a very good story and your power to tell it is formidable. Don't think that I'm trying to tear you down. I can't wait to find out what happens in it. Update soon!
Hobey-ho chapter 7 . 10/13/2006
Amazing, I'm completely smitten. This story is absolutly enticing. Also I personally love the mentions of the circus and the elephant man, especially how Hunter was a cannibal when he was human also.I can't wait to read more, on that note will you do me a favour if you have not tired of me? Please send me an email whenever you update, I never login :)
Hobey-ho chapter 6 . 10/13/2006
I am satifsed! Yay terrfic story, theres plot, innterconnections and there's hinting about a story behind Hunter being a sadistic bastard, and the 'sides'.This is worthy of publication, if you make the chapters longer and maybe put all the stories before "Confrontation" as a prologe. Feel free to email me anytime, if I haven't scared you terribily with my stalker like :)
Hobey-ho chapter 5 . 10/13/2006
almost perfect, I'm hard to satisfy, the only thing I didn't like was the setting. The circular room was good, but I just think it was a bit much to have snake filled paths and roads that fall from beneath I much like the interconnections and the plot that's :)
Hobey-ho chapter 4 . 10/13/2006
Again good, but I would like a nice explaination as to why these vampires go to the bother of torturing their victims other than the basic pleasure in it. Although I am impressed, because Raven was it; didn't drink and felt sorry for the boy, a major break ,Michelle:)
Hobey-ho chapter 3 . 10/13/2006
*big smile* Much better personality and connections and a hit of a forming plot. Athough it still annoys me abit about how the Vampires are purely bad to say, yes I know humans are food but vampires have emotions too I'm not saying that they're good or kind but everything in this world is a mixture of good and bad. Still they're a little wooden but your giving them personality with every passing done,Michelle:)
Hobey-ho chapter 2 . 10/13/2006
This story I think is better, and there's more personality to the characters but it would have been nice if there was a break where Andre expresses his loniness to himself in thought thinking about the pleasure of even being near still impressed,Michelle:)
Hobey-ho chapter 1 . 10/13/2006
I like your story and I can see talent, the only thing that annoys me abit is that your charaters are 'wooden', they have little or any personaltly. Please don't take that in a ofensive way, I merely stating my advice, and in my opinion alot of people on this site have problems forming personatily, but one thing that has given me respect for you is that your writing standed stays the same throughtout the chapter, your description is good and as I stated before I like and enjoyed this chapter so I'll continue to :)ps. one thing that did annoy me alot was that your vampire was just a malicious bastard with no purpose or story as to why he decided to torture the poor is completely bad, in stories that isn't good, unless the story is intended for children.*shrugs*Again you did a good job.
Pearls and Formaldehyde chapter 6 . 9/4/2006
*squee* I love it! These stories rock. Keep 'em coming!
Brianne chapter 5 . 8/11/2006
Woah, these are all really creepy, but I love them all. I like how they're all intertwined.
Mb Rumpf chapter 3 . 5/28/2006
i like it.
MB Rumpf chapter 1 . 5/28/2006
that was powerful, well written
Black and White Dreams chapter 4 . 5/17/2006
wow that was creepy but it was so cool! you should continue it!

~Black and White Dreams~
Heart of the Blood Drinker chapter 4 . 5/12/2006
That really makes me curious as to what really happened to his parents. Were they telling the truth on that part...? In any case, another neat chapter/story.
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