|Reviews for A daughter who prayed|
| the anti-heroine. i think chapter 1 . 1/26/2010
I prayed to wish you away once/ hands so tight/ words just right/ the way my tears fall after the fights/
I love,love, love this part. It really struck me, because I can relate to it so well. I can distinctly recall wishing my father away when I was younger in just that manner.
This was a beautiful poem, as all of yours are. I've read many of them, and I want you to know that your talent is very much appreciated. In fact, it was your work that led to me getting an account here. You even inspired me to try my hand at a few pieces of my own.
Thank you. :)
| myheartwantsyou chapter 1 . 5/12/2006
wow. beautifully written and deep.
| BenevolentShadow chapter 1 . 4/26/2006
"... to save me from the maniac poison inbreed inside of me, flowling like rivers... I prayed for the truth but all I got was reality."
I like that part. Unfortunetly, I can truely connect with what you are saying, but who am I to pity myself...? Excellent job with this piece, you did really well in expressing a lot emmotion.
| Gilee7 chapter 1 . 4/18/2006
[I prayed to wish you away once - / hands so tight, / words just right / the way my tears fall after the fights.] I always read your poems at least three times, and usually many more times than that. But each time I read one of your poems, I try and do it differently. I usually read very slowly one time, scanning and analyzing each word, trying to allow each line to soak into my brain. I then like to read the poem very fast, that's when I usually start to appreciate the overall flow and rhythm of your poetry. And then I usually read through at least one more time at a more moderate pace. My fast read-through really made these lines jump out at me. Great rhyming.
[You don’t mind that I dream of your hands / squeezing my face in / (palms the size of baseballs) ready to break / the bone -] Nice imagery. And great analogy with the baseballs line.
[And as I stand here, a / barely there shadow / waiting for the heating pad to warm up in the microwave / I listen / to a car / roll by with it’s music blasting, and my body fasting / from my time here] I love the realism of these lines, the way they use objects to connect with the real world. These lines really brought me into the kitchen with the girl and guy.
[Lexapro numbed shadow in my mothers] What's "Lexapro?" And here I would think that "Lexapro" and "numbed" should be joined by a hyphen. I would also say that you need an apostrophe on "mothers." But who cares, ya know? This is poetry, and there are no real rules in poetry. The best poetry always has a reckless abandon to it. And so unless I think something really needs it, I won't bother with pointing out small grammatical issues. If this was prose it'd be different.
[his face just a maze of folds (browning) from a lifetime / of sun tanning in our backyard] I found this interesting because I don't know of many guys who sun tan; not on purpose, at least. Well, that's a lie, I guess. Guys are supposed to be all macho, and so they won't sit in a tanning bed (or they won't admit to it, at least). And I don't know of many (if any) guys who sit outside in the sun (although I do from time to time, but only because I'm so often confused for Casper's cousin). Guys do usually take off their shirt, though, when they're outside working; they do it to get a tain because they want a tan but they have to go about it in a macho way. And wow, I'm just rambling on and on about this, aren't I?
[I can see / myself as a baby (barely three or four) sitting on the end of an / air mattress floating with him in the middle of Lake Desire] Wow, what a sexy name for a lake.
[(I had a dream a long time ago where I woke up with my head / on silky white pillows but they were stained peach from / my blush - my curls ever perfect from the rain that fell from my / fingertips at the thought of the wishes that I prayed for once.)] This poem is so filled with excellent description and heavy figurative language that I'm trying hard not to post every single line because almost every line has something absolutely amazing about it. But I had to confess my love for this little section. It's absolutely beautiful.
[he’s cursing, getting up, / standing on sore muscles to prove his point to me and slide his / bony finger along the counter and catch anything that I’ve missed.] I'm thinking this father might've been an only parent. He acts more like a mother, really. This seems like such a mother-like thing to do.
[acceptance is like regret (it fluctuates.)] This line is so powerful. It jumps out at me every time I read the poem.
[ I beam, bit my nail and wait it out] *bite*
[wait at a red light and watch / a white plane sore through the darkness.] This is something I'm starting to notice more and more in your poetry; and often I point it out as an error, but I really don't think it is anymore. You do this on purpose. Just like a few lines earlier when you use "sense" instead of "since." "Sore" sounds just like "soar" and so the line reads like it's supposed to without losing any of its original meaning. But my doing the whole word-play thing, it makes that line stand out way more than it would usually; it makes me look harder at the line. "Sore" gives the line a deeper meaning that if you had simply said "soar." It's very stylish of you, too.
[to save me from the maniac poison inbreed inside of me,] I'm thinking "inbred" instead of "inbreed" here; it sounds better at least.
[I prayed for truth / but all I got was reality.] Great ending; very emotional.
This poem absolutely blew me away in terms of the actual writing. All I have to say is wow! The descriptions in this were absolute amazing. The way you so poured so many heavy and beautiful descriptions into this piece and yet made it seem to easy and effortless, is just astounding. The figurative language, the metaphors and similies, were all powerful and gripping. In terms of description and stuff, this is one of the strongest, if not THE strongest, poem I've read by you.
I can't help but see the similarities between this and a couple other pieces I've read by you recently, namely the "Microphone" piece. I think if a person was to read all your pieces in chronological order, it would be like reading an auto-biography of your life. A lot of people wouldn't be comfortable exposing themselves so much in the public eye as you are. You're never afraid to express what you're feeling and what's going on in your life. I admire you greatly for that.
This poem was about a father, but yet I kept getting this other weird imagery from him as well. I mentioned earlier in this review that he also reminded me of a mother in the way he acts at times. But what was so weird was this guy also seemed like an ex-boyfriend at times, which kind creeped me out (in a good way, of course).
I need to find new adjectives to describe your work rather than the regular "great"s and "excellent"s and "amazing"s. This was a most bodacious, killer, fantastic, kickass poem that was also great and excellent and amazing.
| Meihan chapter 1 . 3/30/2006
this is good even though im still young, but i like it i cant write poetry / i sux at it but anywayz its good
| Paramour-ing chapter 1 . 3/22/2006
I can really see you with this.
| J.M. Enki chapter 1 . 3/22/2006
wow... very odd... dont mind me though... im not much for one to write about stuff in the real world... i prefer the natural world... anyway i did like it even though i found the sentences structure sparatic at best and the word in the parenthesis made it a bit more confusing ... but i like the free style look of it so keep it up... also i wrote more poems so please read them... i was really happy to see someone thats written far more then me (actually i keep most of mine in a red binder... it was very hard just to get these few in the public)... anyway have a good day and i hope to see more of your reviews
| mentallymigrated chapter 1 . 3/22/2006
Mostly returning your last review, because my email is bust. Sorry to hear about your brum-brum! (hot pink; very classic) and no you were nearly right about the prejudice. I'm honoured you read it minus sleep though!
I didn't notice the part about waking up inside dreams the last time I read this (Well I did but it didn't hit me as hard). They say people who dream about sleeping are relaxed and calm and everything's orderly, and people who wake in their dreams are troubled or they have issues unresting. (interesting applying it to someone I really, barely know) but still. I'm enjoying wondering about it.
For the record, my mum and sister are on here now
button-nose is my elder sister and my mum is Harry Valentine but she's only just signed up today so nothing's there yet. (I've told her I'm not gonna screen any of my stuff though..)
good luck with catching up with sleep, peace
| MidnightStar005 chapter 1 . 3/21/2006
I love it! I really like your formatting it adds to the poem.
| Jason J. Ross chapter 1 . 3/21/2006
Wow, you most prolific writer in the community. I admire your dedication. I'm glad that you are in this community. We have a lot to learn from you.
| Carp chapter 1 . 3/21/2006
It told a story but stayed within the poetic prose at the same time. You could feel the struggles and pain the daughter was trying to express, it was like she was saying "This is *my* pain, this is *my* story...listen." But not in a bad "please pay attention to me", it's more of a needed "please pay attention to me". I'm not sure if I'm making sense, but basically this poem is absolutely fabulous.
| White Tea and Ginger chapter 1 . 3/21/2006
'I’ve always had a fear of seaweed sense then.'I think you mean 'since', doll :).
'a white plane sore through the darkness' soar. But maybe you really do mean sore- then that would be a very nice play on words.
'acceptance is like regret', ooh, I like that.
'like racecars with wings.' beautiful. childlike, innocent...i really like that line.
'I prayed for truth/but all I got was reality.' good ending, very nice closure.
| method acting chapter 1 . 3/21/2006
Excellent last two lines. You make your pieces obscure and newage, random but wellwritten, only...relatable. Wacky, out there, but totally core ideas. Wonderful.
| in theory chapter 1 . 3/21/2006
That last line sums it up entirely for me. I think the country divide sometimes complicates communication in poetry, especially names and places. I got most of this though (I read a lot of American literature, King and Gerritsen and a litle Cornwell if I really have nothing else). But yeah in regards to the last review it was quite narrowed to Britishness I suppose (not thought of it before though actually). You tend to drag thoughts out of my brain I don't even know hibernate there.
Anyway yeah on to the last part (I'm not ignoring the other part just something grabbed me harder) is there really a separation between truth/the truth/reality/fact/fiction? When is something really "true?" (I have deep issues! heh) but yeah, I'm beginning to notice more and more autobiographical flavours in your work, it's been there from the beginning I guess but seems stronger now. It's tasty though, gives people an insight into your life, but not so that you're intruded and so that they can still apply it to their life.
But besides that, not much rationality tonight. Hope everythin' is well there. (I passed my psychology exams too D) peace
| Moondog Dozier chapter 1 . 3/21/2006
I like the interspersed flashbacks in this that give the added detail and emotional attachment for the reader to the situation. You give such moving motion picture like detail and imagery in your works that enhance the totality of the scenes. The progression that this creates, and in a sense the vacancy that the speaker has in the situation comes across so well. Makes every movement or action so identifiable to the reader. The reader not only reads everything, but feels, empathizes and connects to it as well. Wonderfully developed, and the subtle detail enhances so much in creating the situation. Great write.