|Reviews for Teacups|
| Gilee7 chapter 1 . 4/21/2006
Before I review this poem, I want to address your review for "Seasons" that I just read. I just posted it a couple hours ago and already you've reviewed it. That makes me feel worse that it takes me so long to review you sometimes. But I'm trying to catch up on that now. I've still got several more of your poems to read and review before I can even bother with anybody else on here.
Okay ... You mentioned that you thought something big and major was going to happen in my story. Like she was going to turn out to an alien or stab him with a stick or something. Well, what you read was only chapter one, that was the "Spring" part of the story. It's called "Seasons" because there's going to be three more parts (a "Summer," "Fall," and "Winter"). The story isn't finished yet, so I can't have them be eaten by a bear in the first chapter.
For some reason a couple months ago I was just thinking all negatively about relationships and how they always end so badly, and suddenly I saw the similarities between relationships and seasons. In the spring, everything is beautiful and excellent; plants are coming back to life, the birds have returned, flowers are blooming; spring is "romantic" just as Lilly says. It's just like a relationship, where people first fall for each other and think their newfound love is just so great. Then in the summer, there's good weather, it's warm and people hang out a lot, go to the beach and whatnot; that's when the plants are fully bloomed and beautiful, big clouds float in the sky, birds are always chirping; just like in a relationship when things are still new and everything's going great; the people think they're going to be together forever. But then in the fall there's a major change; plants start dying, leaves change color and fall from trees, the weather starts to take a turn for the worse; just like a relationship when things first start to deterioate. And then the winter, of course, is often used as a symbolism for death; when all the plants are dead and everybody's shut up in their house to keep away from the cold, when you look out your window and see nothing but white snow stretching in every direction. For me at least, the winter is depressing. So yeah ... I just basically told you what's going to happen in every chapter, but oh well. But I don't think you understood that what you read was only part one in a four-part story, so I wanted to clear that up.
And I still can't believe you like "Git-R-Done" so much; like in your review for that story, you said it was my "best yet." I was like "what the heck?" I still think "Git-R-Done" is total crap. I hate that story; I think it's one of the worse things I've written in a long, long time. I'm even slightly embarrassed by it. But whatever, people like different things; that's what makes the world so great.
I'm a little concerned with what you said about Lilly, though. I'm gonna have to read through it again with your opinion in mind. I wanted her to be weird and different than most girls, but maybe I made her too different or something if you thought she'd turn out to be an alien. For some reason I'm just attracted to girls who are very ... strange, I guess. I hate normal. And hippie chicks are hot for some reason. "Seasons" probably has become part my own fantasy, since I'd love to date a chick like Lilly, but after your review, I'm afraid I might've painted her in a different way than I was hoping.
Okay, now that I've ranted about my own stuff, it's time to review your poem ...
[All these songs that tiptoe across the porch / like children at play] Once again, here's that young, vulnerable image again that I was discussing just earlier today. So often your poetry seems to start out with this type of image.
[forgotten / but still sung softly over the fuzz of a / record player from the other side / of a screen door.] I'm loving this imagery. I find it very nostaligiac. It brings back memories of my own childhood.
[I sit on the / steps with a teacup / filled up with rain water] IMO, I think you could omit "up" and the line would sound much better.
[Society (itself) has waited for this revolution] I love the transition that this poem has taken suddenly; you use the early imagery and symbolism of the teacup to flow smoothly into a deeper subject.
[limbless beside the mercy of the mind - unable to unwind peacefully.] Excellent line.
[My teacup runneth over] LOL. And great return to the teacup.
[slick china as I line it along the deck and let the rain collect inside each one; / fountain-like as it drips over the edge] Cute imagery.
[but her voice echo’s] I believe that should be "echoes."
[and the tide of conversation turns to all of these children,] With all the talk of water and raindrops, "tide" was an excellent word choice here.
[and memories of a father they feared once; / dead now - / sleeping in his bed from a tumor so big it / clogged him up inside / (I don‘t remember him all that well,] I wonder if you're talking about your own father here, which I kinda doubt. From your other poems, which have often mentioned a "father," he would appear to still be alive. I actually figured that you had run into him recently and that was the reason for his many appearances in your poetry lately. Unless the reason he's been on your mind so much lately is because he recently passed away. Hell, I don't know ...
[he who fought a war / stilled by his own body. Stilled from a collection of daughters / who found him dead one morning / lying in his own piss.] These lines remind me more of a grandfather than a father.
[understandable to a little girl sipping rain water] I love the returning image of this little girl and her teacup that reappears every so often; it's so fitting and symbolic.
[maybe it’s my / Fair-haired grandfather, my cousin Christopher looks just like him] I love the ghost lines, and especially these two I've pasted here; they're very personal.
[I reach my hands out / touch rain that has traveled across the world; millions / of times to change with each falling.] Very cool lines; I really like them. I'll look at rain totally differently now (I actually think it's about to rain right now; it's all dark outside).
[The sound of it calling me as it beats across rooftops and / falls from teacups that I left out on purpose / to taste something (else!)] Great ending; great circle around to the beginning, too.
Another excellent poem (when do I NOT say that?). I especially loved the imagery of the little girl and her teacup and the way you made it so symbolic for everything else this poem discussed. Great job, as always.
| Saggildon chapter 1 . 4/6/2006
An interesting teacup . Such a pun with the title as a teacup . The play with the reader's expectation is just something ive been looking for . Great !
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 4/5/2006
I like this.. the part about society being a slap in the face was awesome
| hear me smile chapter 1 . 4/4/2006
I love this. I love how it's so long and flowing. Inspiring in way.
| cygnus olor chapter 1 . 3/30/2006
beautiful... once again...
melo-dramatic... i can almost see and feel the setting as if time stood still and i could graze over the images of your poetry...
wonderfully sweet and poignant...
keep it up!
* ner *
| Written chapter 1 . 3/29/2006
the images and feelings evoked are simply lovely. I think this may be my favorite of yours. wonderful work. simply wonderful.
| Lucid Nonsense chapter 1 . 3/27/2006
I like this, the description and emotion is well conveyed.
| MidnightStar005 chapter 1 . 3/27/2006
Wow..that is all I can think to say at this point in time!
| in theory chapter 1 . 3/27/2006
Wow what a journey. Firstly, the title; I love this word, used it so often (about four times now) as title ideas and never quite tied it in strongly enough for it to make sense. But yeah, I think you exorcised it for me so it should stop bugging now.
(let me just say before I begin my own "usual monologue of praise;" 'my teacup runneth over' made me giggle, and I should confess because I'm not sure it was meant to be funny. But there's something so Britishly sarcastic about that phrase; even my cup runneth over sounds so pompous and grandeous, it's strange.)
Loving the life you give to 'songs' by making them walk around at night (is it night? I see it as night here,but you know us cancerians, moon obsessed and the like). I can see these old folk tunes creeping about the lawn and it's so enchanting (reminds me of a Joanna Newsom song. While we're on the subject of recommending people, I'm gonna look into that lady you told me about. [the name of whom has totally gone]. I reckon you'd like Joanna Newsom, if you've not heard her already; she's so bizarre it's almost funny, but her lyrics are golddust.)
And the simple lyricism in sitting with a teacup in your hands; you don't strike me as a tea-drinking gal if I'm perfectly honest (though I've never stopped to wonder what one of those girls might actually be like). 'Cus over here in the UK tea is a symbol of warmth and being perfectly happy to ignore life. The rain sprinklings finish off this image nicely, a strange balance that provides new and fresher angles to the poem and indeedy your personality.
"with something to say (something else!)" I must say I really aint sure about the exclamation. Don't get me wrong I like how you use new techniques, it just seems brassy and a little unfitting.
"voice echoes, bouncing from raindrop to raindrop" is beautiful, reminds me of the song in Bambie (dripdripdrip, that one). I'm not sure whether it was intentional, but I want to point out how powerful using the description of "soft" for a person was, then followed by a sharp slappy word like piss. Like being cushioned gently then having it ripped from underneath your ittybitty reader's feet. Stunning, people eat up surprise.
I feel that Pacific longing; the Pacific has always been one of those naturaly occuring slabs of imagery that I work with whenever I'm bored but need to write, and then just store it somewhere (because it's the same, used concept). But I like you take on it, freshfreshfresh. This whole poem is. And you do it without even (really) tweaking your usual style that much. Love it lots.
| White Tea and Ginger chapter 1 . 3/27/2006
| breezy nostrils chapter 1 . 3/27/2006
beautiful as usual. i could tell that this was really personal. (which all your poems are, but this one seems to sitck out) nice work.
| Seras Nova chapter 1 . 3/27/2006
Amen sister, amen. I honestly cannot think of anything else to say. (Yes I can) Beautiful.
To the favorites it flies.
| mez chapter 1 . 3/27/2006
i like this you can feel the atmosphere you've created with these untoucahable words...it has a sort of vague vivacity in it whihc is so appealing in its busy yet empty feel to it...i liek the reflectiuon in this - astonishing work!
| she's not breathing chapter 1 . 3/27/2006
i love it. it's fresh & different & a nice spin on a regulardayevent. brilling emotion & word choice like always.