Reviews for Vampire's Wake
Heart of the Blood Drinker chapter 11 . 10/23/2006
I liked that story.

... dun remember how i found it. \

But I liked it. Even if the ending wasnt very satisfactory, and you never followed it up, it wasnt bad.
GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings chapter 2 . 8/13/2006
Hello there again!

Quick question: How many pigeons and cats does it take to fill him up to minimum at least? Since it takes an hour with the blood tubs, I am assuming it would be a lot, even though they are living instead of "partially congealed." Gag... Poor Asa.

Again, the descriptions seemed to be all collected into one fell paragraph... Not that they themselves are bad, but when they are so collected, they are a little tiresome to read... If the fact that she has a fairy on her shirt is important to the story, leave it there... Otherwise, you could probably just leave it "She wore a long, dark duster that contrasted with the tight tee shirt underneath. Her legs were covered with wide-legged pants and her wallet hung down from the pocket on a chain." etc etc, continue from there... But even there, the descriptions are all bunched up. Just have him notice certain things about her as they come up. Like perhaps he doesn't notice the pants or the wallet until they are swinging around her legs while she is walking.

But anyway, this was quite good! The whole character of Asa is just pathetic (in the good way) and I haven't quite figured Mel out.

Great job, I am really liking this. I don't read too many vampire works, but this is one of the better ones I have.

GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings
GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings chapter 1 . 8/10/2006
Wow.

Hello Edgar, its Gryph, stopping in as I said I would.

The concept of the blood drinking was quite interesting and while I have to agree with you that this may not the most orginial of story concepts, I think that you will pull it off just fine. The characters are intriguing and the writing 'voice' is simple and to the point, yet wonderful to read.

My only comment would be on the information dumps describing Asa's apartment and appearence and Mel's appearence. All of the description is put into one or two paragraphs, in which there is little to no story. Perhaps if this information were spread out among following paragraphs, details being explained when they were important, it would read a little better.

But other than that, I enjoyed it. There were a few typos at the beginning (forgotten spaces/words) but if you were to read over it, I am sure you would catch them.

Great job!

GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings
Lord Leachim chapter 11 . 7/1/2006
Sorry man, but the ending just doesn't do it for me. After all the self-hatred and blood and violence, somebody had to die for the story to come full circle. Someone, either Beale or Mel or Asa himself, but someone needed to die. Tidying up the ending like that just felt wrong to me.
Lord Leachim chapter 1 . 7/1/2006
"Veins stood out in them like lace." That sentence was worth the price of admission. That was an awesome image.
Taige chapter 11 . 5/29/2006
This is a good story, and a decent ending. I felt the end was a bit rushed, really. From climactic showdown to catharsis to end was too quick. Maybe it could have been drawn out more. I really liked the scene of Asa suffering after the battle. That was the highlight of the story, I think. After that, as I said, it seemed too quick. Overall, a good story and I hope you keep on writing.
cheap perfume chapter 7 . 5/1/2006
Ohh, I like this chapter. ) I really like the way you're gradually unravelling things. Update soon!
DaliDahmer chapter 2 . 4/29/2006
Thank you so much for your reviews, they make me feel really bad that I don't have the time to read this right now :(. BUT! I WILL read the whole thing tomorrow since I don't have a goddamn thing to do. Thank you so much! I'm sick of these bullshit 2 line reviews I keep getting, so it's really awesome when someone worth a shit reviews and says something NICE!
Taige chapter 7 . 4/29/2006
Wow. This is an amazing piece of work you have here. The pacing is quick and keeps the reader engrossed while at the same time revealing enough plot to keep the reader guessing always. A few spelling mistakes, nothing major, and I'm concerned about taxicabs which offer rides to freely bleeding woman, but a minor issue. A great piece of fiction, and I certainly want to read more. Good stuff.
Merlin85 chapter 2 . 4/27/2006
Hey, thank you very much for the compliments, and yes I do believe I just began writing decent material. I honestly don't believe, however, I am as good a writer as some people say (mostly because many people don't like my stories.) I look forward to reading your story very soon. Thank you again.
Merlin85 chapter 1 . 4/26/2006
Okay, I have not read your story yet ( I am looking forward to it) but I just wanted to leave some info. First off, I have just now learned about Struwwelpeter/Heinrich Hoffmann and boy do I already love his stories, haha. Also, about my story . . . I didn't make mention of his age because I thougth it would get in the way of the real point. He could be 8, 18, or 38 for all it matters. Being that you are the only person nice enough to leave a review, I wish to tell you what I wanted to point out in my story. Timothy (Timmy) represents all the childish people in society (especially by his 'childish' name). He wants to do all these dangerous things while only thinking of the fun parts, taking to mind none of the consequences or dangers. I see it as all these people who want to indulge in drugs, sex, violence, etc who never think of the negatives, but rather only the "fun." Anyways, Timmy is hit dead on by the truck which I wanted to symbolize reality as it "progresses with its daily routine." Afterwards, he can never return home (to his immature homestead) and he is changed forever by what he learned that one day about the struggles of life (his outlook on life and his legs.) Hopefully after I revise it some more things will be clearer, again I don't know if you caught any of it and I am sorry I took up so much space. You can delete this after you read it or something, and thanks for reviewing my story. If you liked this one, I would implore you to read "Flight of the Imagination" or "A Wastelander's World for One." I will read your story soon. THanks again.
BrokenandBleeding chapter 1 . 4/26/2006
Wow, nice story. Definetly caught my interests :3 seeing as I'm a Vampire writer too...;;

And just a small note for you, for the review you gave me-thanks. But the point of my story is to find out why exactly he's there, and it hasn't yet been revealed.
cheap perfume chapter 6 . 4/20/2006
Very interesting plot and a nice read. ] Only thing I could complain about is at the start, things move quite slowly.

By the way, thanks for reviewing my story.
DaliDahmer chapter 1 . 4/20/2006
I kinda just skimmed through it! I'll read the whole thing later, but I'm in a hurry, Warren Zevon is fucking awesome. Was anyway.

And I'm re-making "Angel" sometime today or tomorrow I might post up the original version (more back ground on my main character)

I WILL READ THE REST OF THIS!

laterAmber
Lemon Glass chapter 2 . 4/12/2006
This is weird! Help!I like 's breakfast?-Old Fiat
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