|Reviews for Clothes|
| fatbird33 chapter 1 . 8/27/2008
great message here. i liked all of the questions like "Is that attractive?" nice
| Heroh chapter 1 . 8/22/2007
LOL wow this is funny and I just love this because I agree with the message XD *adding to favs*
| Definition chapter 1 . 6/26/2007
A simple but a well written poem. The message is clear and to the point - Definite fav. :o
| chrisertastic chapter 1 . 6/24/2007
The fight against slutty clad girl.
i like the msg
| Peter Harrison chapter 1 . 6/13/2007
Hmm, there is definitely a difference between this poem and some of your more recent work. To be honest I enjoyed this one a lot more, maybe cause I agree with the message, but it's also probably cause it's easier to follow. You definitely, as it says in your profile, have th art of poetry down, but you say you don't have the science, I disagree... This poem proves it. Sure it doesn't have the punctuation that we are all so used to but it didn't make it any different...
That being said, when you write a poem without punctuation, it is assumed by the reader that the end of the line is a pause, of at least comma length, more if it seems appropriate. Tak for example your poem "No more tommorows" first stanza
Giggles tumble from her
Mouth as pink watermelon
Juices run off her chin and
He licks the stream from
Her neck and says she’s his
Fountain of youth and the
Never-ending drink he
Sips on while he breaks
Open her mouth and smiles
Your thoughts carry over into the next line. Obviously there is nothing wrong with this as I have been known to do it if a thought doesn't fit in a line or If I'm just stumped for a rhyme, but when you combine no punctuation with this writing style it can be difficult to pick up the rhythm of the poem for the reader. I'm sure you have the rhythm in mind when you write it, but I just can't get many of the rhythms.
Though, I'm not trying to criticize your work. I actually quite enjoy it because you write from your heart rather than for appeal. And it is definitely very brave to put your emotions and feelings out in the open like that (probably healthy too). Just remember that, if it is your own emotion and feeling that you are putting online, shouldn't your readers be able to understand where you're coming from, and maybe be enlightened by a tidbit of information in one of your poems?
I'll keep reading some of your other things :)
You definitely have talent!
| R.G. Angel chapter 1 . 5/7/2007
I know I'm a little late in reviewing this, but this is one of my favorite poems of yours so far! It's a great message and you wrote this out so well! I love, "pouting so 'cute!'" I love it... I wish all those misled girls would read this poem. Good job!
| ten pts above average chapter 1 . 3/22/2007
ha exactly..sluts ugh haha..I have a poem or two similar to this..
"So Sick Of Whores"
"All The Rage"
| i-rite-gud chapter 1 . 3/8/2007
I love the message this poem has :) I totally agree with you! I like the poemt oo :) lol
| ecwix chapter 1 . 3/7/2007
A poem on a topic that I hope to be able to write on with inspiration someday...
Conformity and the human race is one topic I like to think about :p.
| helpless-pretender chapter 1 . 4/11/2006
Again another good write that questions society. Society sucks...keep on writing God bless
| Susurrent Threnody chapter 1 . 4/9/2006
Lol. This kind of sounds like that BarlowGirl song "Clothes", except it's far more funny. I especially liked those lines: "Brains so small/ Thoughts so vague". They sound like a bunch of the 'attractive' girls at my school. A bit sarcastic, and quite amusing. Excellent work.
| sixPAC chapter 1 . 3/31/2006
really good dude, i feel i can relate to the outcast vibe you get from the poem. Top stuff
| beinedhiel chapter 1 . 3/31/2006
Cool. I think I know how you feel, like you're trying to fit in but still think the whole thing's ridiculous. Nice poem!