Reviews for The Pale Bastards Truth
Ms.Absynthe chapter 1 . 5/4/2006
Reading this I think I can really see where you are coming from. The structure is very well laid out and I really liked it.
Tyndall Blue chapter 1 . 5/3/2006
very very Plath-ish

:favourites:
Gilee7 chapter 1 . 4/22/2006
[Say it, you pale bastard / (say what I got was due) / I had it coming,] I can't think of any other poem by you that has started out with this much emotion, this much power, at just the very first line. It's like an immediate slap in the face.

[say it as my face turns red, / say it while you push me onto the bed / (say it) / say it while you clocked me going thirty-four / in a twenty-five;] Love the repitition of "say it." It becomes angrier each time.

[the same road where woman whore themselves] *women*

[and high heeled feet of princely blue veins] *high-heeled* I believe.

[“You see / the / world / beautiful - Fucking ‘A’ Plus On That / but / we / worry / about / how / you / see / yourself -] These lines have a stumbling, awkwardness to them that I just don't quite like. Usually I like your one-word lines; I think you use them very effectively; but here, I don't know, it just seems to make the lines less powerful than what they could be.

[I don‘t even like sleeping inside myself)] Possibly my favorite line in the poem.

[that I screamed and slammed my fists against the steering wheel / (like my daddy would have done)] There he is again!

[but I let you suckle / at my breast to feel what it must be like to be a woman -] Very striking image; slightly digusting, even.

[a women in high heels,] *woman*

[in a pale city / with a pale sense of justice / paler still horizons knocking on my door / for the things I will never get quite right -] Love the repetition of "pale" and how you make it mean something else with each line.

[too much sun shine to warm my legs] "Sunshine" could be one word, couldn't it?

[and I can’t hide the look on my face / but when I stare into the mirror / biting my lip / and watch myself / hyperventilate,] This image really stands out in my mind. "Hyperventilate" is a very powerful word.

[and let my bare feet pimp the sidewalk / like alabaster seashells] Great lines.

[say it sweet so I’ll remember it - / I told you so!] Great closing. The intensity in this piece never ends.

This poem is one of your angrier, in-your-face poems that I can remember reading. It's like nonstop emotion, nonstop intensity from the first line till the last. I feel like I should be wiping off any spit from my face right now, as if you've been screaming at me all this time. This is a fantastic poem, though. I really loved it.

Now I have to go change my underwear.
Jezsh chapter 1 . 4/16/2006
Something about the last few pieces you've written...I love. They just seem to click with me. Maybe it's just my mood. But they sound wonderful and relevant and so alive to me.
lastwrites chapter 1 . 4/14/2006
Nice, I like the explicitry. The pale bastard stuff is really intelligent and creative, a very unique metahpor. "Slice my wrists open and taste the pale." That's got to be one of the best one liners ever.
Brandy chapter 1 . 4/12/2006
Wow...And I thought that I could rage... That was incredible... You produce very powerfull imagery, and I liked the rhythim of it too... (I can't for the life of my remember how to spell rhythim, I know that that is wrong!)Brandyp.s. You recently reviewed one of my stories... The only problem is that I haven't posted anything since I was in high school and seem to have lost my login info... Could you tell me what I used for my pen name? If you would, I would appreciate it! Thanks!
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 4/8/2006
the same road where woman whore themselves..women

I like this.. nice repition and powerful
Fabian Cortez chapter 1 . 4/6/2006
Fantastically well written piece! I could picture the scene perfectly, and feel some of the emotions and pain of your character, along with them.

You've a fantastic gift, no question about it.

Very Well Done!

KEEP WRITING!

F.C

Ive a new piece up:

"The Misery of Rain".

I'd love to hear your thoughts as always. _
Holly Rose E chapter 1 . 4/6/2006
this is incredible.
Watari Yutaka chapter 1 . 4/6/2006
Wow! It makes me wonder what happened to you that you would write such an angry poem. But, it's none of my buisness, so I won't ask _. I just hope you're okay. Um... anyway, this poem was really good. The words flowed really well and I could feel your raw emotion even throuh the computer screen. To tell the truth, you scared me. Heh. Well, anyway, keep up the good work.

Watari Yutaka
Daughter3 of Fabian Cortez chapter 1 . 4/6/2006
Great poem very sharp and hard hitting.

Keep Writing!
in theory chapter 1 . 4/6/2006
Instantly the best line is "I don't even like sleeping inside myself." So sexual, powerful, personal, philosophical too if you think about it hard enough (and I think way too hard sometimes).

Apologies for the late review, it's been a fun/crazy weekend (I think I said that already recently haha) but yeah, had more wine and stuff since then. Alcoholic student image is not a good one but it's fairly accurate.

I'd better start with the title. I love the word "pale" (having used it in/as a title before) I'd conujures up an image of myself, I have very odd pale skin with stupidly hazel eyes (I look bizarre). And yeah, the "pale bastard's truth" makes me think of something a modern day Pocahontas might mutter, now elderly (well, dead, but let's just for argument's sake pretend she had an unusually long life, NorthAmerican vitamins and all) and musing on everything that happened in her youth. It seems racially tuned, not sure in favour of whom because it presents the white side as a bastard, but it presents the ethnic minority as CALLING them a bastard. So again, I have almost no idea how to interpret that. I have a feeling though that you didn't really mean that (race etc), it seems more on the gender issues but I just thought I'd say. Pocahontas is a figure I'd love to work from sometime anyway.

The way you imperatively state "say it" over and over is quite powerful, commanding the reader to either join your side or panic hopping from one foot to another while you command this inexorable "say it" of us. It's almost humourous in its desperation, but that's the wrong word; I mean imperativeness but A) I just used it and B) I don't know if it makes sense.

"sequin royalty" is an interesting presentation, something so appealing about garnishing up whoredom in pretty trims and making it pretty. When you know it's false and it still looks fuckable anyway.

"You see the world.." all that line is exactly how I see you. Like some strange American girl with a voice that you can't trap (or at least not for long) that sees almost everything in life as something else, as well as what it really is. It's not exactly looking *deeper* it's more like *further, wider, higher, stranger.* There's so much to get out of life than meets the eye, and that very fact is usually what forms the skeleton of your poetry. And then we worry about how you see yourself is so achingly typical of poets. They epitomise the world, label it romantically, tragedise it (did I make that word up?) and wrap everything or deconstruct it, but very few dare examine themself. It's forbidden, very naughty. Bad liberal poet (but secretely I admire you and many others will too. Just as a note, I prefer to write about myself and then show no one, or change the pronouns or something. So I know it's me but not many others would guess.) I think essay-reviewing has become a (good) habit with your work, I really should dedicate as much time as I do rring these things as revision but as I said before, this is so much more my street.

"But I let you suckle" fabulous use of your womanly weapons, as my friend calls them. I don't get the infatuation with wobbly bits, they're fun enough if drunk but generally I steer clear. :P

Towards the last half you start using "pale" in so many other ways, I always saw it as innocent or untouched, clear, smoothe, bleached etc. You make it out like beauty too, and in a way I see the cold alabaster attraction it would have (but I have a tan now so I can't even claim my natural paleness as anything cool now).

To be direct, I didn't like the slicing wrists open part. I never understand why people will state such a simple thing and presume it will have such a dramatic impression on their readers. What I did like though in your version of it was the follow up, the above and below. That was striking/original/inventive enough to take my mind off it and expand me, something that definitely is god.

The last line is that devious sly giggle-smile you've introduced to so much of your later work, I like it. And yeah, I've not posted anything in ages, I was asked to write some more collaborations with Breezy Nostrils so I'm working on those (and I half finished a poem about time, it's in editing and driving me mad the more I think about it. Time, one of those stupidly escaping ideas that will eventually bend your imagination to the point of elastic insanity.) Shouldn't be too long though m'dear. Hope all is well, update soon!

peace,

j
hardcore chapter 1 . 4/6/2006
I want tobecome this color (that legitimizes me)

love! you write amazing; all the things we feel but can't seem to put it down. you got it fixed out in beautiful sentences, each packed with countless nuances(: just wow.
breezy nostrils chapter 1 . 4/5/2006
I don‘t even like sleeping inside myself - I love that line, and I want to taste the pale of it, bastard - beautiful. I love the anger and imagery in here. nice work.
SeaVoi chapter 1 . 4/5/2006
Truly, I believe you are one of the most talented writers I have seen on fiction press.
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