Reviews for Wolfblood
Palm Tree chapter 1 . 2/20/2010
First. Exploding arrows of lightning? Major win. I mean, as soon as he took out the second yeti with that, I actually found myself thoroughly enjoying the fight scene. You always write them well, but I'm personally not one for combat manga. Thus, I'm not normally as actively engaged as most others would be. However, here, whoa. Total change for me, and I commend you for that as well as the fact visualizing was no struggle.

On the other hand, I do hope that we're not supposed to think of the elf as noble for his deed as it seems he was a lone traveller protecting only himself. This, of course, goes on to mean that it was unnecessary for him to pursue the last yeti as he could obviously take care of himself. Though, the fact that he did indicates that, in essence, he is no better than the yetis. This isn't a terrible thing since, if the intent was to create a character not necessarily a golden hero, then I give a huge thumbs up. The scene was most revealing, and I always like my heroes (or just my characters in general) to be flawed individuals. So far it's been a good beginning and now I move on to the next scene...

Ah, so he is protecting a caravan, assuming our elf is Reyn. ;3 That said, I really like Reyn's wolf, and the conversation between the other guards is a quick way to show the amount of respect he's earned. After the telepathic communication bit, I like Vyjarn even more. XD All the same, the second scene made out Reyn himself as a pretty likeable guy. I look forward to seeing more of his character. 8]

The dialogue got a bit repetitive as certain ideas were echoed over from the second scene into the third, but that's not a huge issue. This third and final scene did provide some excellent background with absolutely no info dump that I can distinguish. Since this whole prologue was generally on a more positive note, I get the feeling that the first chapter in which he returns home will introduce a major conflict. To say the least, I'm looking forward to seeing what it is.
Narq chapter 7 . 10/8/2009
He had never been lodged into a room as luxurious as the one Pontes arranged for him. - oh really? I'd think a bit hero like him would have a bit of money... or not.

Hm, that kid talks really posh talk, and, he's real smart. How old is he?

And that convo about dying was just a bit too monotoneous. I have no idea how you kid asks the Reyn, and how he answers back. Awed? Terrified? wonder?

And I thought Tyron would swear in that convo because last chapter his dad was saying that he swore too much... guess not.

[Why so surprised? That's what real magic is all about. Now shall we play again?” questioned Reyn in an arrogant manner as his sword crackled with the element of lightning as if in response to his words. The rogue knew by then that he had taken a bad piece of business as a single phrase went through his mind./Oh fuck...] - oh lol! as always, you did that fighting scene really well.

Great job!

Narq chapter 6 . 10/8/2009
Here I am, as promised.

Okay, first in. Your dialogue between Reyn and Tasler got a bit out of hand. I was lost figuring out who said what. I guessed that one said something then the other (duh) but It would have, likewise, been nice to have seen a bit of action-reaction going on. (a narrowing of the eyes, a shrug, a shifting of the foot, anything would be nice)

"This is absurd…” - I'd say take away the ... at the end. you didn't say how he said it but the words indicate that he is angry yet the punctuation says he is a bit laid back... hm, contridictions.

"“Bloody fucking hell…”/“Be careful of your language, Sir. It won’t be nice if anybody hear this especially Young Master Tyron.” hehe, nice!

Then again, the converstaion between Tasler and Pontes is good, but it would have been nice to see some action going too... it's not like two men and standing in the middle of nowhere and just talking without moving any other part of their body -right?

Oh~ gobblins! exciting!ONto the next chatper!

Narq chapter 5 . 7/9/2009
Nice~ haha, I liked the amusemnt you added in at the end. It was good. I'm starting to warm towards this Wolfblood guy but I wonder what set him off when he talked about another person with a surname with Wolfblood. What happened between the relatives? :)

Narq chapter 4 . 7/9/2009
I really enjoyed this chapter. I think it's different from your usual chapter because this time you focused on kids and from this minor detail it just shows what a careful writer you are.

"To Casey’s comment, Fergie just blushed. Reyn smiled as he knew what was going on for Fergie. He had seen cases of little kids having minor crushes on somebody else around their age. It was a childish kind of stuff, but at the same time, innocent as well. At least it was better than a grown up man lusting after an attractive woman." - this was very nice indeed. Great work!

Narq chapter 3 . 7/9/2009
Yeah... this chapter wasn't really one of your best. There was a lot of dialogue and not a lot of what was happening. But since you know where you are heading to I guess that's okay.

Narq chapter 2 . 7/9/2009
Woo hoo~ I liked the way you introduced your main character - a good person. I thought he'd be sadistic for a moment there but then you did it okay and made him kind of sympathatic and killed the 'bad' man outright.

One thing I realised is that you tend to use telling mething rather than showing. Here's an exampe: "Night soon came as Wailis and his company relaxed at a nearby inn. Reyn had just finished his supper of grilled beef with deep fried hash browns and he was relaxing in his room. He had to admit that the food there was superb. In fact, he had never tasted such good food ever since he left his home. He had also just received his pay earlier on when Wailis gave them out to the caravan guards in the evening. In fact, he was wondering what to do with it given that his journey was near to an end. At least that’s what he had decided anyway." Try to expand it a little and show that the night came, show that he was enjoying it. How the he's relaxing. yeah, a bit annoying ;) but great writing anyways!

Narq chapter 1 . 6/14/2009
You start with the mountain yeti - assuming the reader knows what and how it looks like - maybe not such a good idea. Perhaps you could incorprate the description in later. I, for one, haven't a clue waht they look like (perhaps a gaint of white fur and that's all)

{was totally confused as to which target to attack first.} I think you could have used an aternative word to 'totally' it's not strong enough and doesn't fit in the text.

The rest was nice. I liked this chapter and I might come back and review - depending if you come and remind me :P (I'm quite dependent on your reminders)


P.S. chapt 3 of Cryptic Paths is up!
Alteng chapter 7 . 1/23/2009
Okay, I have hit the last chapter in this one. I knew I would eventually.

The flashback scen was interesting. I am curious about the girl, who killed herself. I did pin this one that Reyn has some mental issues to deal with in himself.

Again, Tyron doesn't seem to have much of a mouth, but I think if he uses a lot of swearing with the lower class, he would use it with others as well. He is only 7 after all.

The assassin scene has some issues. Your assassin talks too much. They are silent killers, and they certainly wouldn't tell the name of their buyer so easily. I also would think that he would use some poison on that knife.

Okay, I guess I will go and check out that new chapter of the Ranger's Tale.
Alteng chapter 6 . 1/23/2009
I am moving right along, and I will get this read tonight. I love having Friday night off. This will be the last week for this for awhile.

Anyway, it seems awfully brave of Ortoff to make his way into the goblin camp, and it seems a bit out of character for him, but the deal doesn't. it is a stupid deal onhis part, but I don't really think he's all that bright to start with and he is ate up with vengeance.

The conversation between Reyn and the mayor seemed a bit odd. The only time we saw Tyron, he was not much of a potty mouth. This didn't really show on him.

As for Reyn being a war god person, well, he is rather impressive. There are other things to home in on than his fighting skills. I have the feeling that he has some issues that need to be resolved that don't deal with the sword or his magic.
Alteng chapter 5 . 1/23/2009
Again for a filler chapter it is not bad. It does show much in the way of dedication of the soldiers and clearthinking on Reyn's part that he doesn't raise a weapon against them. I would also think that Tasler is a good enough man to try the food and enjoy it despite the humble surroundings.

I would think that the key point to this has something to do with the other Wolfblood that Reyn would like to see.

The ending bit foreshadows some fighting coming in. I will have to say that much and something weird seems to be going on there. it is probably a building blocks of something important.

It does seem weird to me that the people of the town treat an elected official and underlings like royalty, although they are not. I can't imagine that being the case, especially since the mayor and Tasler are no more than everyday humans with nothing special in their blood lines, and they can be replaced after teh next election.
Alteng chapter 4 . 1/23/2009
The fight with Rodder seems kind of stupid, because you just had reyn fighter with a lecher. It is going to seem like this town is just full of lechers and that's it.

Another problem I see is the lifting of other people's characters. I have read very little of the Dark Elf Saga, so I don't know this Rodder character, but he is a character type, and you can call him something else than just lifting the character name and character.

This is a lot of gripe, I know.

As for the chapter being another filler, it's not bad for that. It shows more of Reyn's powers and kindness iwht the kids and the puppy. As for the inn scene, you can come up with someone who just doesn't want to pay the tab and starts a fight.

I do see that you try to keep Reyn from killing his opponents. This says much about his character and his skills.
Alteng chapter 3 . 1/23/2009
Filler chapters are good in moving the story along. This will bring the mayor together with reyn. It also shows that not everyone in power is corrupt.

I am unsure in the way that Tyron talks. That seems to be a little out of sync with the rest of the characters, and he is a naturally borned citizen to this town. His father doesn't talk that way either.

Anyway, this seems to move onto a positive meeting.
Alteng chapter 2 . 1/23/2009
I don't find this story all that bad. I have read worse. I have wrote worse, and enjoyed it, mind you.

I will say that it is odd that Ortoff is already bald. Balding must have come early for him. I take it you are trying to tell me something here. Oh well.

The girl has no obligation to this man, because the bargain was not held up on both sides, but as you point out, he is rich and he can do whatever he wants. I would have liked to have seen Wailey in this situation. Would he have accepted the bargain, and what would the girl's life with him been. Would she be one of his employees and travel with him. After all, she has no reason to stay in this place.

I would think that Reyn has just got himself in a bit of trouble because of this incident. I can't imagine that Ortoff will take this lying down.

As for your inspiration, it almost sounds like you have lifted a character from the Magic game for your uses. I am unsure how much originality is involved in Reyn because of this. I draw my inspirations off of songs, thoughts I have on stories or pictures. The latter is the most often. Yet, my mind is out there somewhere.
Alteng chapter 1 . 1/20/2009
Okay, new story.

Reyn sounds like an impressive elf, but most elves are. Wailis seems to be a good boss as well. That makes for a different kind of merchant. I tried to do something like that with Ryley. Ah, we can always hope that there are people like that.

Have you ever hear of Elfquest? There is a tribe of elves in the story that ride wolves. They are the central tribe for the story. They also talk to their wolves and each other telepathically. It is an non Japanese comic. There are some really good stories. Those elves don't get along with humans, and they are kind of small.

I never got into Magic, but I understand what you are talking about. Such games are a ploy to make money, but if you find them fun, then it is all worth the while.

Anyway, I really have not much to say about this story yet.
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