Reviews for Prophecy of a Hero
lleidane chapter 1 . 6/20/2006
Wow, you were right; Elodie is rude! But in her rudeness she speaks the truth and I like that. Great beginning you've got here, I really like it. And her name! It's just got a funny little ring to it; I love it. And her attitude, please don't take that away! Thank you for reviewing The Alliance for me. I apologize for the grammatical errors and the misspellings; I was eager to get it all down! Thanks for the advice and I will do my best to follow it. I am still trying to figure everything out so it might take a few days to get more posted but I will definately contiue. You were the second to review it and it helped me out alot. Thanks and keep them coming!
Draketeeth chapter 2 . 6/20/2006
" . .the dagger in her left hand. . .breathed a sigh of relief as he saw the the knife in her right hand." Either a confusion of him and her, or you've lost track within a sentence of which hand the dagger is in.

"“If I am the chosen one, I could kill him right now with the knife he threw at me,” she thought evilly. . ." hahahah!

Chapter 2 seemed rather short. A few problems, but nothing that cannot be easily be fixed. I'm going to guess that the 4 at the bottom of the last chapter and the 6 at the bootom of this chapter are page numbers from when you uploaded?
Draketeeth chapter 1 . 6/20/2006
"“Well, a lady in trouble is a damsel in distress…may I save you?” he asked." Aww, that's a cute line!

A cliff hanger ending to chapter one! Darius is an interesting fellow I'd like to know more about. I'm plesantly surprised that I didn't run across any grammar or spelling error and got to enjoy the story without those in the way. Keep up the good work.
Rachel M. T chapter 8 . 6/16/2006
Hey! I promised I would update much sooner...and I am! Great! I know I've already posted this chapter, but I would like to give a very special word of thanks to Tavi-Rin, who is giving me much inspiration, along with QUITE a good bit of information I needed corrected! (I'm really not much of a horse-person...I mean I like them, but am not overly fond myself. I had to do all the research on horse birthing and colors, and I thought I was being all-smart and cunning when I thought I knew the names for males and females...(grins sheepishly). So thank you to Tavi-Rin! :)

With Love,Rachel
Tavi-Rin chapter 8 . 6/16/2006
Alas, 'tis I, AGAIN. :)

OK, I still love the story, but I still recommend fleshing out or elongating EVERYTHING if you ever want to get this story published (which I also recommend ;) ) Love it, love it. Waiting eagerly for chapter 9.

Everything else is factual: here's some Horses 101. A baby horse, no specified gender, is called a FOAL. A male baby horse is a COLT. A female baby horse is a FILLY. An adult female horse is a MARE. An adult male horse is a STALLION. And then there's a gelding which, erm, we will not get into. :)

WRITE SOON!
iamthe-loris chapter 8 . 6/16/2006
wow, some first day! i was surprised by the baby horses, though i shouldn't have been as the chapter title had warned me. elodie sure has some interesting skills, and i see now how she definitely wouldn't have fit in at a boarding school. this was a very well-written installment, and i am looking forward to the next.

honorata
Tavi-rin chapter 7 . 6/15/2006
Me again! I still love this story! Your plot is gripping, and you shouldn't bother yourself with revisions just yet - you're still getting all of your ideas down. I'm still waiting for more (you're on my Author Alert list)

- A Fan, Tavi

P.S. Count me in for archery and horse-back riding! I already take fencing. ;)
iamthe-loris chapter 7 . 6/14/2006
haha, Darius just makes me want to melt sometimes. His personality is so amusing; I'm simply fascinated with him. And BOY is he more charismatic than my Darius. I also enjoyed your hints of Darius's previous experiences in the castle, and that they were not exactly filled with rainbows and unicorns. Keep up with the excellent work, and I thank you sincerely for your review, I am always looking for feedback. Happy writing!

honorata
Ericka594 chapter 3 . 6/13/2006
YOU UPDATED! OMGSH yes! I'm already really liking this. I'm putting you in my reccomended stories list. Great job!

-ericka
iamthe-loris chapter 6 . 6/12/2006
...and once again i feel compelled to review before i'm finished. but fire? and darius? this story keeps getting better and better! and i must know of this prophecy, too.

honorata
iamthe-loris chapter 2 . 6/12/2006
my original intentions had been to finish reading the story before reviewing, but i can wait no longer to comment on it. now, i could be a little biased, but i am thoroughly enjoying this story, especially its characters...biased because one of my very favorite characters from my stories is named Darius, and it's such a beautiful name that is not used as often as it should be. but i really love the characterization of elodie and darius, especially elodie's vehement stubbornness and darius's kingliness (which i thought perfect, as the name means "king"). i cannot wait to finish reading this piece; it is surely a wonderful story.

honorata
Rachel M. T chapter 5 . 6/12/2006
Just a note from me: Ok finally! More updates! It has really been quite a long while, but now that school is out and I have some days where I absolutely do nothing, updates are hopefully going to happen more frequently!

A praise of thanks to everyone who has read/ and or is reading this story right now! If you have left a reveiw, I'm trying as quickly as I can to get around and leaving one for you, but some people have some really large stories. Larger than mine anyways. So I'm sorry if I'm frustrating you by the lack of reviews on my part, but I PROMISE I'm getting around to it!

Love,Rachel
Zeldia Ignatius chapter 2 . 6/6/2006
'“I’m not raving!” she interrupted in protest.'

That sentence sounds weird. Shorten it to "She interrupted" or "She protested".

'“This cannot be the hero of out time,” he thought to himself, but he knew he was just being rash, and that she had to be the one. She fit the prophecy perfectly. There was only one way he could be sure though, and he was almost sure.'

Can you not write another prophecy story? It's cliche, old, and uninteresting.

'“You just threw a knife at me!” she cried out in anguish!'

No excaimation mark! Exclaimation marks look terrible!

So, although the writing it better then the last chapter, this is really, really cliche. The characters are both, essentially perfect, and unoriginal.
Zeldia Ignatius chapter 1 . 6/6/2006
You're off to an okay start. I like the very start, with the chair.

You have a few grammar mistakes. I would advise getting a freind to read and fix them.

In general, you seriously need to cut down on the literary devices. It's great to hear that his eyes are like the sky, but honestly, if you hear something about it in every paragraph the imagery is lost. Get rid of most, and expand on the ones you have.

Keep up the good work!
LIve-freely chapter 3 . 6/6/2006
Nice story, looks good so Elodie :(
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