You've got a good concept going 's just some grammatical errors and some sentence structure work , keep your verb tense consistent. You jump sometimes between past and presentAnd, yes, be more descriptive. When you're describing the way the town looks, go into detail. Say what’s around and the go into detail about how that looks. Just be careful not to overdo it, though.

u rock ouutloud nice storii!

EAKE(or howevr u spell it, lol)! this is so tottaly freaky! hurry up w/ the next chapter!

Oh My Gosh! That freaking scared me! Good job and keep writing. Nice job explaining things, it made the story more scary

omg that was really good. keep writing!

hey, that was really good. It was really funny too. I would just explain things a little more if i where you... update soon, can't wait to see what happens next!x0x0

OMG! I LOVE it! I can't wait till the next chapter! Its so interesting! GREAT job!

I really like your story. It's really funny in some parts, just work on being descriptive! Um...yeah,hurry up with the 2nd chap-chap

It's pretty good for your first fiction press story. It shows promise, update soon! Did you mean Asheley? I think that's unique. Um...only thing, be more descriptive.

It's decent. Use more detail, and description about the way they talked. There are a few errors. These names are spelt wrong: Wes and Ashley. The way you spelt them, they would be pronouced "We" "ss" instead of "We" "z", and "Ash" "uh" "lee" instead of "Ash" "lee".