|Reviews for Chasing Princes|
| faerie-gumdrops chapter 1 . 4/2/2008
Whew! Sorry it took me so long to return your review - I am rather bogged down with revision which is probably even less fun than that sounds!
Anyway, I like this so far! Poking people with pitchforks is always fun. I like how at first Talia couldn't tell whether it was a boy or a girl in the hay - that was a nice touch and funny! Talia is also really cool and likeable so far, and her sisters do sound rather nasty. I like the way that 'bloke' is used as an insult too (although I use it all the time anyway, although I think it's quite an english thing).
'Do you always go stabbing forks in sleeping peoples' bums or am I the only one to enjoy that rare pleasure?' haha great line
So who is this mysterious stranger in the hay? Exciting!
CCwise there aren't many errors in this - it's well written so yay for you. I found a couple of uber nitpicky things:
'he, it, stood and started picking pieces of hay from his body, his clothes, everything.' I think that the he should be capitalised. This happens a couple of times (like literally two) but I can't remember the other time. Meh...I could be wrong about this.
'I...um...apologize'...'you should be' This is really really uber nitpicky and a tiny error, but I think it would make more sense if it was 'I'm sorry' for the first part or 'you should' for the second, just so that the conversation flows properly.
This was good, and doesn't look too cliche at all. Congrats for passing 200 by the way (yes, I read profiles...it puts off revision!) seems like you deserved to from this!
| Aria Zilfier chapter 19 . 4/1/2008
Yes, a very long chapter indeed. Hope you will be able to update more sooner, again!
By the way I think you meant 'dragged' instead of 'drug'?
| Erin A. Menz chapter 19 . 3/31/2008
Yay! I was so glad that you updated and even happier when I got a chance to read it! It was marvelous and I can't wait to read the next chapter! PLEASE update soon.
| sarilaelfa chapter 19 . 3/31/2008
hi! this was an awesome chapter! oh! does Tobin really like her? oh dear, all during her "froghood" I was laughing so hard! keep it up!
| Kristina Suko chapter 19 . 3/30/2008
I haven't read Ella Enchanted, but I agree that the movie is an autrocity. I do need to get the book from the library...
So glad to finally see another chapter! Sorry it took me so long to read and review it.
Haha... "Why was I noticing all this pointless scenery?"
What, "my boys"? That made me laugh. It's like they're her own personal jesters. Hehe.
Ooh, wait, is she still a frog? it's been so long...
How does a frog cross its arms?
Seems like, with her amazing attitude, she'd be indignant at being called a "he"
Haha, the Tobin seducing thing was hilarious and so totally perfectly fitting for him! I was kind of waiting for him to try something. Hehehe.
I guessed his name so easily! Heheh. I was telling them "it's Troll, sillies!"
I hope you get the inspiration to update sooner than this one came! I love this story.
| M.R.Sanner chapter 19 . 3/28/2008
Ok ,I know this is late but I had to go back and re-read the last chapter . Ok first of all Yay ! Your back !I thought that you were one of th thousands of people on here that suddenly gave up , but your not _ .
And finally re-reading the last chapter and reading this one I must say WoW . They are both excellent chapters specially this one and they remind me why I , and everyone else love this story so much . This chapter made laugh ,smile and shake my head . I love this chapter down to every single word . Great job and I am so happy that Talia is back to her regular self and Oh ,wow the part about her turning naked in front everyone Ek ! Hmm , did Owen see her when tis happen ? I would think that he would make a few remarks about this to her . Over all LOVE this chapter !
| Adaku chapter 19 . 3/28/2008
Holy Cow- wait a long chapter _ Its been a while huh. I kind of lost my writing ability but its nice to see you writing again. :) Alot of people are coming back which is good.
“Owen I’m bored. Entertain me.”
Haha- I would say that to my brothers alot. Keep it up.
| Andy Lex Bain chapter 19 . 3/28/2008
Ok, firstly I will say that if all your reviews say things like "loved it, cool, awesome etc etc" they're not very helpful because they don't let you know what you're doing wrong. Here are some things I'd like to say, which hopefully will help in your writing.
1. The chapters are too long. It takes too long to read, and as its online its not particularly good for the eyes. For an online story, try for something like 10-20 words per chapter. If there's a massive break, readers often forget what happened in the last chapter. If you post regularly, you don't break the flow and readers don't have to re-read extensively long chapters.
2. Do you have a structure? I think this whole story is stretched out far too much, because its just going on and on and on and on and on. Many writers sit down first and sketch out the basic structure before they even begin: Beginning, Body and End. You should know all the basic details, how it ends, key plot points, etc, otherwise if you make it up as you go it just drags on forever (and you get writers block which you don't get as much otherwise because you know which bit to write next.)
3. I don't like the protagonist anymore. She's not very likeable. You should make her strong, yes, but not abusive of almost everyone. Readers often like characters they can relate to.
4. I think you're still using the word "bloke" too much. It's a bit repetitive.
Well, that's my well rounded critique and I hope it helps you out. It may seem harsh but these are key points of feedback you'd do well to take into consideration.
| Not Dead Fred chapter 2 . 3/26/2008
blokes are guys and bloody blokes is annoying if used too often try "stroppy cow" or "sodding git" or something...
| Lucy-the-bookworm chapter 19 . 3/26/2008
I liked it! I think Owen and Taila are great together. Umm, I liked how you've incorporated different fairy tales into this it made fresh and interesting! Good work!
| Aria Deloncray chapter 19 . 3/26/2008
Great story! I really like your spin on the Cinderella story. I don't think it's a knock off of Ella Enchanted at all. Totally agree with you about the movie. Can't believe it ever made it to theaters like that. Did you get Hansel from 10th Kingdom?. Can't wait for the next chapter.
| Saturn Winterleaf chapter 2 . 3/26/2008
VERY Cinderella and Ever After, but I'm going to keep reading it anyway )
| manda rose chapter 19 . 3/26/2008
yay! another chapter! I liked it...at the end I can just see her dancing on the bridge all hyper and excited that she outsmarted the troll, lol. And you didn't like the movie Ella Enchanted? I haven't read the book yet, but the movie's one of my favorites. As a general rule, though, books are always better than their movies, haha. Anyway, update soon! I can't wait to read more!
| CharlyB chapter 19 . 3/26/2008
Thank you so much for the extra-long update! I always enjoy reading about these characters, and I'm glad that she turned back into a girl!:) Well done.
| Written chapter 18 . 2/25/2008
Aww, I love fairy tale retellings! I just realized that you and I have main characters both named Talia... totally different stories though.
Great work! Please please keep writing :) I can't wait to read more.
and don't listen to the people who say this is just like E.E.