Your description is much better in this chapter...by 'much better' I mean 'actually there'. No really, it's good. And now we know where the 'Azure' part of the title comes in. The plot thickens. Can't wait to see Phase 03. (Here's a hint for next time: longer scenes, shorter chapters).

What you really need to find here is a voice. The dialouge is pretty cheesy in some parts, and I've seen more interesting description in a textbook. And lets face it, stories do need description (not epic description like Lord of the Rings, just a basic 'Render was a handsome young man with brown hair and warm brown eyes' kind of thing). On the other hand, I like the through of feminine purple battle machines. Your plot is great, its just everything else that needs work (joke! You're hopeless)(Joke!).

Cute title. I can see how this would work as a d20 campaign (you decide if that's good or bad). Is the poetry yours (*O! And he's a poet too...*) Your description is a little choppy, and some of your explainations of battleships, ect, sound like we're reading a textbook of the future. The dialouge is great, the plot is even greater. I also like the names you gave all the ships. ... 'Lithe and powerful, just like its pilot, Render remarked.' If Render is remarking, he's saying it out loud. That looked like a thought to me. Okay, I'm done ruthlessly cutting your work to pieces. I actually love it (not so's you'd notice). Can't wait to see the next chapter- if it's ever updated. Jeeze.

Intriguing and well-written. The descriptions of the people and the Battleframes themselves are a bit lacking, but I assume you will linger on each as the story progresses. Indeed it would be toilsome to slog through a dozen full descriptions at once.

It's good to start out with some action, but the buildup is kind of rushed. It's usually a good idea to either start with a bang or build up the tension until the action suddenly explodes. Maybe go into some more detail about Render looking for the engine parts and feeling like there's no cause to worry.