Reviews for Saturday
daughterofmusic chapter 1 . 1/19/2008
So accurate... I love it! You are so descriptive in your writing...

Keep writing!

Daughter of Music
Viktrona chapter 1 . 6/30/2006
Creative thats all i can say and well i love itJa Naruby
Alihotsy chapter 1 . 6/18/2006
This had a lazy sort of beauty to it. The words flowed very well together, and gave it a calm and peaceful feel. I loved the metaphor of walls and scrapbooks and the breifly mentioned memories, I think it gave the poem more character which allowed the reader to relate more to the poem. Very well written.

PS: Thanks for reviewing my stuff, I'm new at writing and comments really helped.
tonicole chapter 1 . 6/13/2006
i like this talks about howthe simplicityof life isn'tjust there. it's oldand half forgotten...
Shadow Demoness413 chapter 1 . 5/30/2006
I really liked this one, it was very simple, yet it worked. I love how you conveyed the thoughts and memories in a loving, but not over-emotional way. 'Journal smells like Charlie White/ Its cover smooth and red' I love how you described it there, It just fit perfectly. The tone, I really don't know how to describe it, but it was just seemingly peaceful. I truely enjoyed it.

Thanks for your review, I'm glad you liked my poem. Thanks for your advice about the punctuation, that's always been another of my bad habits :-/ I understand about the no email thingy and I won't bother you about it but I would like to make one request. When I have finished it I plan to go back and fix all the mistakes. Could you leave requests, ideas, corrections, etc. in your reviews that I can use when I revise? I would greatly appreciate it, but no pressure.

Okay, I blabbed way too much there. The poem was beautiful in it's simplicity and was a rare treat for someone who only writes and rarely reads poetry.
My New Pen Name chapter 1 . 5/19/2006
It seems so entirely bleak, like one of those days where you don't want to get out of bed because the skies are cloudy and grey. I don't usually do too well with rhyming poetry, but it doesn't seem forced by you at all. It just flows simply along like it was effortless. Excellent descriptions. . . Nicely done.
youzi chapter 1 . 5/16/2006
hmm i think the images chosen in this piece really captured the feeling of a lazy saturday afternoon spent in contemplation and painless observation of everyday objects. The subtle rhyme scheme also made the piece flow really nicely from beginning to keep writing :D
Alankria chapter 1 . 5/11/2006
Greetings, Lady of the 201th review!

There's a very tangible atmosphere to this poem, a kind of hazy perception of the room, dust everywhere and memories shifting, not quite certain. As always, you have an excellent way with words. ...And that's about all I can really say. I am truly lousy at commenting on poetry, I'm afraid. *sigh* It did stir up a very strong image in my mind, which means you did your job as a poet well.

Responding: (1) I swear there were two other stories where characters had long lashes. I would find them now but I'm feeling really lazy. (2) The chapter inconsistency bugs me, but in a published book I think that kind of thing is less noticeable. (3) Not there yet with the truth about Trifmara, but don't worry, it shall all be revealed eventually. (4) That fragment you pointed out bugged me a little too when I wrote it, but I couldn't be bothered to deal with it. I'll definitely go back and change it. ... Glad you enjoyed the chapter, despite what happened to James. I'll try to update soon.
NovelJ chapter 1 . 5/10/2006
This has a sweet, look back feel. Like remembering a summer from highschool, I suppose. Just soft. Really like it. Thanks for reviewing my poem by the way. If you put up anymore poetry I'll try to review it.
Raiyune chapter 1 . 5/10/2006
You laid down the scene and mood for the reader very well here. I could almost picture myself in this setting as I read it now. Awesome work. Keep writing! :]
Morbane chapter 1 . 5/8/2006
I like it that you begin (ish) with a bed, and end it with a kind of awakening. That's quite polished. In fact, the ending is very clever, all-round. The rhymes, as I read it out to myself, are a little jerky, which distracts, but the perspective seems to come quite naturally, and the way that you move from one thing to another is quite natural, as though you'd filmed this, all in one shot.
Matthew James Current chapter 1 . 5/8/2006
Lovely work, you truly are able to capture a moment with your words. Great diction and a rhyme scheme that is so well-written and subtle I didn't even notice it at first. A lovely, nostalgic write. Thank you very much for your reviews.
zaide koizumi chapter 1 . 5/4/2006
Aah, this piece is like coffee in a beautiful morning. I wonder how you could write like so even at your sleepy state. I wish I could write like you. I could almost imagine a figure in a picture of a specific scene of your lovely poem.

I just love it. Magnificent work.
Olivine chapter 1 . 5/1/2006
okay, this is a really pretty little peaceful poem. i love the descriptions you put in here, especially the ones like "prom and choir, summer camp/half forgotten ecstasies" and "my penciled words all faded/ on its pages, soft with lead". really beautiful; youve done an awesome job :)

keep on writing M.W. Renaee-::-

ps - haha, there you go reviewing left and right! thanks, btw :) okay, not left and right, but i just got 2 review alerts in a row, so for me, thats left and right. heh, yes im weird, but i cant help it. thank you for the reviews, though :D
SliversofSilverPain chapter 1 . 5/1/2006
This is beautiful. Lovely soft rhyming scheme and rhythm, it's like syrup, gliding slowly and sweetly through the written, as always
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