Reviews for The Mansion
Gilee7 chapter 26 . 7/27/2006
[So yell, / and scream] I'd get rid of this comma because you don't really need it. Just because you have "and" doesn't mean you must also have a comma. "And" often serves as its own comma anyway. Plus, the pause this comma provides interrupts the rushing flow of the poem.

I really don't know what to say about this poem. I don't know if I like it or hate it or what, so I'm struggling to find something worthwhile to say. The rhythm of the poem is really good. It's a very interesting poem, that's for sure.
Gilee7 chapter 25 . 7/26/2006
I believe this is one of my least favorite poems in the "Mansion" series.

You do a great job placing it in July. You totally nailed that aspect of the poem, and so I applaude you. From the fireworks to the incredible heat where you can't even breathe, it's all here.

The poem, however, often feels too frantic. And in places it reads like a jumble of images more than an actual poem. The whole thing suffers from bad grammar. To me, the poem feels rushed and underdeveloped. I also believe it's running a fever.

Maybe bring in out of the heat.

Have a lemonade and write on, Juliet.
Gilee7 chapter 24 . 7/26/2006
[but she hopes that no one will see the leaning / shape of her shadow as she hitchhikes / on the highway at dusk.] I'm wondering what exactly is meant by the whole "leaning shape of her shadow" deal. Does it have real meaning or is just a cool image you wanted to put in here? I believe it's the former. I'm wondering, though, why does she hope no one will see her shadow? Does the fact that it's "leaning" somehow give away the fact that she's actually a girl, and she's afraid that if some big fat beer-bellied trucker was to realize she had breasts and a vagina, she'd become his sex doll? Or does she hope no one will notice her because she doesn't really want to leave wherever it is she's leaving?

This chapter was very interesting. It made me think more so than the others have. I'm wondering exactly what's going on with this Brianna chick and why it is she's hitchhiking. I believe the poem is a little too brief for my taste, though.

You've given several names to the characters in this collection. I'm wondering how they're all related. I'd like to just sit down and draw out a family tree and try to figure out who everybody is.
Gilee7 chapter 23 . 7/26/2006
I figured it was about time for a return visit to the mansion.

Great first stanza.

I really like the image of this guy walking up and down the street, overturning trashcans. That, along with the way he "wants to shake each child with his bony hands" really shows the guy's pain and suffering. The description of his hands being "bony" also helps to symbolize the way this guy has just wasted away.

[He wears a leather trench coat despite the heat.] I like this. I've always wanted a trench coat. Ever since Columbine, though, trench coats are seen as evil.

[while he watches the hookers / swivel along the cement like expensive jet planes] Cool analogy. I could totally see this. LOL. It's kinda funny actually. You ride a plane, you ride a hooker. And planes have a lot of passengers, which symbolizes the many clients a hooker has.

[call out that other girls name, / maybe even learn a new one.] I absolutely love this part. I can actually relate. A few months after my girlfriend broke up with me, I had this brief "fling" with this other girl, and while we were kissing, I had my eyes closed imagining that I was kissing my ex-girlfriend, instead. Evil, I know. I've been tempted to write a story about this kind of thing; it was even going to involve a hooker. My inspiration to write it has kinda faded, though, since those feelings have pretty rotted away inside of me. I think it's interesting, and sad, that this guy is in such pain, and is longing for love so bad, longing for somebody to replace the gaping hole that the girl put inside him when she left, that he'd be willing to be with a hooker. He's desperate to do anything to end the pain.

This is an excellent poem, Juliet. Very dirty and truthful and sad. You capturing the feeling of longingness quite perfectly. Even though there's no direct mention of the Mansion, except in the title, this poem has the Mansion written all over it.

Excellent job. I feel like I need to take a shower now.
dsfhgjkgfdghjklhgf chapter 28 . 7/26/2006
amazing. i could stop reading it over and over again because it's just so true.
simpleplan13 chapter 27 . 7/26/2006
I really love the third part.. that last line is so unexpected & i can relate to it
simpleplan13 chapter 26 . 7/26/2006
beautiful.. short and awesome.. love that last line
simpleplan13 chapter 25 . 7/26/2006
I really like the descriptions opf July...great piece
simpleplan13 chapter 24 . 7/26/2006
I like the whole boys clothing thing a lot.. nice job
simpleplan13 chapter 23 . 7/26/2006
interesting.. not really in the mansion like most of them are... I like it.. especially that last lin
SarahJaneDrkAngl05 chapter 28 . 7/25/2006
all of this is so sad and tragic. its beautiful. great job!

SarahJane
SarahJaneDrkAngl05 chapter 1 . 7/25/2006
wow. i cant even find the words to describe this. its so sad and tragic

SarahJane
Dale Christopher chapter 24 . 7/24/2006
This reminds me, firstly, of Lestat's mother in The Vampire Lestat. She wears male atire because nobody looks at her, as you stated: 'she is liberated.' The second verse, however, seems so much more tragic, I see this young girl walking alone along a lonely highway, afraid that the car that pulls over to give her a ride will be her last ride. This chapter works on so many levels, I like that it seems lonely and sad, and the lenght of this chapter compared to the majority of the others gives a good contrast. I love the phrase 'she hopes that no one will see the leaningshape of her shadow.' Great chapter.

Peace, Daze
Dale Christopher chapter 23 . 7/19/2006
Too tragic. I like that this chapter was about a character outside the mansion, though he was dripping in despair as much of any of the people back at the mansion. To be honest I'm not sure if this chapter was very straight foward or if it had a hidden message that I've missed. For the sake of this review (and my sanity) I'll stick to the former.

Firstly I'd like to point out that I loved the phrase 'He went to L.A trying to find the holy grail.' Not because its original but because it isn't. I was thinking recently that its kind of normal today to go to Holloywood and try your luck while in the olds days it was a huge adventure. It seems every Tom, Dick and Harry wants to be rich for nothing these days.

I loved the image you created here, it was very real. I could see this guy, the creepy guy you cross the road to avoid, the type where you see mothers hold their childrens hands a little tighter to make sure they stay close when he's close. My favorite part of this chapter was the end, though. Something about him 'still searching' gave me hope. Not sure why.

Daze
Dale Christopher chapter 22 . 7/18/2006
Wow, I haven’t reviewed in ages. Apologies.

This conveyed with tragic clarity the burning passion and deep depression of an affair. Maybe I'm wrong but it seems like the girl wasn't writing about her husband here. The whole first verse (or whatever you call it) about the guy with his cigarette was fantastic. Something about smoke billowing slowly out of a mans mouth is oddly sexual and at the same time creepy. Also the image of a man holding a cigarette is both cool (for lack of a better word), and that’s what hit me as I read this.

The phrase

‘tempting me to look.’

I thought was smart. It proves what I was thinking already, this guy is confident and sees sex as a game or hunt rather than an act of love. He likes to tease. I also really liked

‘In the heat, we linger on the thought of long walks;instead, peel our clothes off’

It reminded me of those morning when you fully intend on doing something good but you never quite get there, its just to easy to fall to temptation. Whether its sleeping in or giving in to your urges, its just a failure of will power, and everyone can relate to that.

‘I write poems early in the morningwhen the rest of the world rests on stolencomforts.’

I just wanted to say that I really loved that line. Not sure why.

‘I sleep most of the day.’ – This was a truly magnificent line. Addiction normally leads to this. For me, it’s the addiction of staying up late to watch Scrubs and Arrested Development or write while listening to music. For her, its sex with this man. Passion. Its all the same, just on different levels. Finally, I love the last line. Not even a line, just two words that carry so much weight. Fantastic ending to the chapter.

Peace, Daze
128 | « Prev Page 1 2 3 4 5 .. Last Next »