|Reviews for The Mansion|
| simpleplan13 chapter 15 . 5/30/2006
then I thought they were... than
This was different than the rest of the pieces.. very sweet and funny not depressing.. I liked it a lot.. the boy thign & the watching him lsoe his virginity was great a was the ending in conversation
| simpleplan13 chapter 14 . 5/29/2006
What you see in me, is multiply in you... multiplied
I like all the myth refereneces.. well done
| MallowsWins chapter 15 . 5/28/2006
I've been that boy in this chapter before. And I've known girls like the girls in this chapter, and I think you conveyed it very well. Honestly, I imagine this actually happened and you placed it in this poem because it seemed to fit. If so, I agree. Good chapter, kinda innocent, but very much not-so. Oh, I also like the line "I feel like watching him lose his virginity.' Very detached.
| ExcuseMeWhileIKissTheSky chapter 1 . 5/27/2006
| simpleplan13 chapter 13 . 5/27/2006
I liek the doe similie and I like how these people are named in the title...great job
| simpleplan13 chapter 12 . 5/27/2006
i like the last two stanzas especially the last one.. awesome job
| simpleplan13 chapter 10 . 5/26/2006
beautiful.. I really love that beginning nicely written
| MallowsWins chapter 14 . 5/24/2006
I wonder who this woman in yellow is? I admit at first I thought it was a mother, but towards the ending I got more of a little sister vibe. Though I'm almost certian that both are wrong. Still, the feeling of this chapter was very strong, much more powerful than the previous chapter (though I did really like that one). It was angry, passionate, far more than just bitter. I loved it when she called out (or so I imagined) 'Show me God!'
It was almost a challenge, which of course reminded me of Lestat. Very powerful emotional chapter, with very clear images.
| MallowsWins chapter 13 . 5/23/2006
The quickness of this chapter worked so well. It felt so sudden, and I imagine thats how the rest of them felt when she ran away. This felt more personal than all previous chapters. Kind of sadder, too.
| MallowsWins chapter 12 . 5/23/2006
I actually read this last night but didn't review because I had to leave in a hurry. However, I was effected by this chapter. (I don't want to say I 'liked' it, but thats not to say I don't. I just don't think its really the kind of thing you're supposed to like). The opening phrase about 'counting the rings' was haunting. Reminded me of a husband taking his wife's pain for granted, and doing nothing but watching. The ending took me by suprise, I have to admit, but I 'liked' it. She isn't happy, but she needs him. Great chapter.
| Mireille Caelarily chapter 1 . 5/23/2006
Wonderful. Many varied images, some a little unclear, but that's what makes it interesting. I don't think I've seen anything quite like this before.
I'm glad you like my poem about graf. I would just like to point out a few things for clarification, though. The man I describe is moving hundreds of miles to go to college next year and is one of the most principalled and sociopolitically active people I know. I may not have portrayed him that way, and I apologize if that was unclear. I also didn't mention that he is an infrequent drug user, not just a pothead. Actually, from your profile and perhaps except the drug thing, I think you would really like him.
Again, this poem is amazing and I'm glad you like mine.
| modern-juliet chapter 1 . 5/23/2006
i admire how you take something so dark and make it seem beautiful
don't be faithless!
Much love, Juliet
| Gilee7 chapter 9 . 5/23/2006
[teach my tongue to tangle / through your Polish ancestry] This reminds me of that awesome "teach me your native language / until I've memorized the movements of your tongue" line from poem 2. I love the word "tangle" here.
[stubble curls from the chins of boys like weeds] There's a lot of recurring imagery in this story. The gold, for instance, the religious imagery, the candle light, and the weeds are the first ones that come to mind. Awhile back, when I hadn't shaved for a few weeks, my friend told me I looked like I had pubic hair growing out of my chin. This line brought back that memory.
[glare - the outcome is fare] This happens at least once in all your poems, these excellent little rhyming sections. They always seem so effortless.
[gold, I knew you once] I like that. I love all the repitition of gold, actually; the way you speak directly to it.
[spoken truths through liar’s teeth (like you once did.)] This is like the only error you have have in your work, usually. Period goes outside the parenthesis.
[The same silver faced woman] *silver-faced*
[and blue tinted men,] *blue-tinted*
[But I’ve always felt better out here in the open, / like when you whispered that god had made / Washington with my devotion in mind.] Washington? Like the state you live in? I find this kinda awkward. These poems have a vintage, faraway, fairy-tale like quality to them. Seeing Washington suddenly kills all of that for me.
[Gold, how I want you, but god how I run. / Lay me down gold, across the stones of this lost place. / Seduced, until I was enough.] Great closing lines. I love the desperate, needy sound of them.
I found your Author's Note very interesting, and I'm glad you included it. I never knew the mansion was a metaphor for fate. I'm also greatly impressed that you wrote the first 8 poems all in one sitting. I've always known you're a fast writer just based on your incredible output of poems; it seems every couple of days you have posted another poem, and the most amazing thing is they're always so excellent! You hit the ball out of ballpark every single time. But still, to have written all 8 poems at one time seems especially astounding.
Even though this poem is clearly related to all the others, it's the poem I could most see standing on its own. But you kinda made that obvious in your Author's Note.
My only complaint with this poem is that I think it's just a tad too long.
| Gilee7 chapter 8 . 5/22/2006
[I was cross-legged in a church when he first saw me - / Are you all right? He asked] See, this is what I was talking about in the previous review. This poem is written as a story, as individual snapshots. It's almost like a movie that's been randomly spliced. The previous chapter/poem was without all of this beautiful imagery and story-telling.
[I claimed him, calmed him, came upon him] Excellent alliteraton. It's fun to read.
[came upon him like a / woman when in fact I was still a child, (I know that now.)] You seem to have a problem with punctuation in parentehesis and when to use and when not to use it. Parenthesis fit into the story as if they aren't even there. Tread them that way. There shouldn't be a comma after "child" and the period should be outside of the parenthesis, not inside. Only if the parenthesis statement stands all alone and not part of another sentence does the period goes inside the parenthesis.
[The ring, a promise, a lie / too young to be breeched from my soul like a crying infant.] Excellent line.
[and his kisses grow up across my / legs like weeds,] Very interesting analogy.
[the midnight shape shifting the curtains to blow and flow / across nudity like a lover.] And yet another excellent line.
[Alone, and alone, we make two halves and two wholes.] I like this line a lot, also.
Well, after a major drop-off in my opinion, this poem gets the series right back on track. A most excellent poem, one of my favorites so far. Everything that I hated about chapter 7 was missing from this poem, thank goodness.
| Gilee7 chapter 7 . 5/22/2006
[Candle light] Ah, the candle light, one of the most recurring images in this series. It always serves its purpose, though. Candle light is a great mood-setter. And it also gives his poem a vintage feel, as if this series is taking place many, many years ago.
[Why is it lover and drug, / drug and god, god and lover, but never just lover and lover?] Probably my favorite lines of this poem.
[If I were to see rain without clouds, or tides without moons, / lies without liars, then maybe, but I don’t see any of those / things, just the candlelight and the asking within it.] Nice ending.
This poem is my least favorite of the series so far. Starting with this line: "I believe that life is nothing next to death, and that / the greater picture will always be jumbled," and continuing until the very last stanza, I felt like I was reading an Author's Note, instead. The whole thing just felt too personal. And though there were still many great lines, and those lines would've fit perfectly into one of your other poems, it doesn't fit here. These poems have been written like individual vignettes that act as indivual frames, individual snapshots, of a bigger picture. And though I think all of them were written in first-person, they never really FEEL like first-person. They feel more like third-person. You usually just give us the images and stuff with maybe a little bit of personal feeling or thoughts and you leave us to draw up our own thoughts, but pretty much this whole poem was straight up telling with no beautiful imagery. It doesn't even seem like it belongs in the same series.