Reviews for The Mansion
Fabian Cortez chapter 4 . 5/1/2006
"from the window (broken) of the hills that now

belong to me, the land crisscrossed with the lineage

of my birth, and how I’ve known nothing else

besides this. I haven’t lived. Haven’t breathed, but

the awakening, like the death, and the resurrection was

beautiful."

This is a fantastic ending to this piece. Almost as if written centuries ago by one of the greats. "Blake" perhaps.

Without a doubt this is back on form and more! Amazing work here.

Very Well Done

KEEP WRITING!

F.C
Fabian Cortez chapter 3 . 5/1/2006
Powerful as always, and yet somehow to me, not as impactive as the first two chapters..

Still without doubt a worthy addition to your collective works.

Well Done

KEEP WRITING!

F.C
Fabian Cortez chapter 2 . 5/1/2006
How simple and yet so complex is the heart. The vulnerability coming through here is so desperate, and yet still a sense of strength ties its bow about its words.

Beautifully told

KEEP WRITING!

F.C
Fabian Cortez chapter 1 . 5/1/2006
Moving, imapactive, and yet tender in its sense.

Regardless of the shouts, loss & tragic sadness. It's almost as if you're coming through something painful and a greater perspective has suddenly taken hold; not just a feeling of resigning oneself to continue to suffer and that life holds nothing else.

This is more a sense of peace; something that cannot help but come through in the work. I don't know maybe I'm just reading too much into this. It's just a feeling I get from it.

You've some wonderful descriptions here, as indeed you always do.

I want you to create something beautiful, she says

stiff fingers sliding up the railing of these porcelain

stairs

(This is a fantastic opening Erotic without being in anyway too obvious, or banal in its pretentiousness).The rest of the piece that follows is equally exquisite in its description.

From:

fell asleep inside someone else once; forbidden boy

climbing the slippery cuts on my windowsill to bring

me to this place. This beauty. This surrogate mother at

the mansion,"

Too: "She takes pills; swallows them and doves carry her sad

song to me - across the halls of this mansion, where I lay

with him. Thistle and weeds, she canvassed a wedding gown

of pearls and her son tattooed rings on me - over my eyes,

in between my thighs. I’m his now."

A person destroyed by the two people she cares about the most. almost the parents to her undoing. What is most notable here is that no father is mentioned. These two who are; have taken that stance to here creation and demise. Father holds no regard? One questions why this might be. It could be simply that a Father was not relevant to this episode. Or perhaps the the creation is symbolic in itself.

"Daughter, is her word for me - and wife is his. I linger,

blinded by the shouts. An introduction to the morning,

and an interlude to the shadows, (his arms.) I’ve been

split into two formal degrees of myself. How can I love

the lost feeling of happiness?"

This whole piece is a fantastic work.

I'm sorry I've been out of circulation for a bit; I've had a few things to sort out. Still have, after tonight I'll be away again for a week. However after that I'm back for a while.

This was beautifully told.

Very Well Done

KEEP WRITING!

F.C
al-Salil chapter 2 . 4/29/2006
Hey Juliet, thanks for reviewing my work. (I am actually British, not American, although I am thinknig of coming over to America to study at Uni level)I really enjoyed these. Can oyu email me sometime on the email address listed on my bio, I'd really like to diascuss ideas and politics with you, because you sem like someone who knows her , hope I get anemial from you soonKeep
in theory chapter 2 . 4/26/2006
Memorising the movements of someone's tongue...if only communication was so easy (and the more I think of it, I guess the more I come around to believing it could be). With patience and the desecration of the girl's "first time" having already happened, it seems like you're mocking this dude. Which is already fun! :-D

The teach me part..I half expected myself to be seeing "touch"...it was a nice, clean surprise (as usual, though not always clean heh).

I think most of us want to feel that we're so important to someone that they wouldn't be the same without us. But is it true? *shrug* I'm not gonna wander there right now (I have less than ten minutes to get ready for my sociology class, and it's your fault! hehe)

The last line; I get the image that the bridalroom is festooned in gold, with all the shiny expensive trimmings? I also sorta applied it to general life too; I'm way too positive (yes it's true despite the strangely morbid poems..), and there's always something pretty to see.

Anyway, I'll be back for thirds later!

truly,

jack
in theory chapter 1 . 4/26/2006
Oh yay the series you promised :D (I was half expecting you to somehow withhold it from me as punishment for me neglecting your work [then I realised I was being stupid]).

I can already tell the story in this is going to be complicated.

"mother why am I not enough " I've felt that line so many times, and the sexuality of the ensuing stanza is stunning. The images of doves is interesting too, it's surprising in its place because they're supposed to represent cleanliness and peace and neither seem to be the focus here..

"over my eyes, in between my thighs" I like that line lots too, something hopeless and abandoning with a hint of sarcastic bite in this. Lovely.

off to eat more m'dear!
setne chapter 1 . 4/26/2006
A sad but evocative poem. I commend you on your word use. Excellent work!
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