Reviews for Shattered Hopes
Drying Tears of Blood chapter 1 . 1/3/2002
Wow, this story has real potential. I have one unstated thing to point out though: unecessary parentheses in the height of suspense usually ruins atmosphere. The part with it could have been easily blended into the flow of things or utterly deleted. The flashback not included. Good luck with this. I hope you don't give up on it.
Chibi Zelphie chapter 1 . 4/9/2001
Oh sky...this is so so sad. PLEASE PLEASE WRITE more!-CZ
Blink Princess chapter 1 . 3/16/2001
wow...this is really good. what an impact! it really moves your heart.
bluejay chapter 1 . 3/10/2001
Since you asked for a serious critique... Let me just say that it wasn't as gory as some stuff I've read. But the setting details are good. Try to add some more by using other senses like smelling the carnage or hearing muffled sounds coming from outside. Also, you have a couple of overloaded sentences out there. I suggest you fuse the flashback into the story itself so it would appear seamless. Another thing, you meandered a few times by suddenly switching to another person's point of view. Try to stick with your viewpoint character's thoughts and feelings, see through his eyes and let himself interpret what he sees. Lastly, I think it would be better if you change the "huge forest green eyes" to simply "eyes." Characters don't always think about their appearances unless they're really vain, right? Well, that's about it. Hope I wasn't too hard or what.
loradion chapter 1 . 3/10/2001
Wow. That was great. I would definitely love to read more of it.
Azrel chapter 1 . 2/27/2001
Yes, of course it's worth the effort. It was a little confusing in some places, but that could be just me. Next part, please?
JKtal chapter 1 . 2/26/2001
WOW! Really good imagery. ::gulps:: a little too good ::grimaces:: Anyways its got a really nice setup. Has great potential. Keep 'em coming!
Archaic Tears chapter 1 . 2/25/2001
its strange I much you think? or maybe I should've made it longer? hmm..back to the writing board
SharasKemet chapter 1 . 2/25/2001