Why are you calling thAt girl a whore even though your male character is doing the same.

im confused about one part close to the end were desya started talking about a wedding?

This story makes me cringe and I'm only on chapter 2. It's a completely unrealistic view to what I'm assuming is the Mafia? This story had the potential to be great but derailed very quickly which is unfortunate. One detail in particular that bothered me was the fact that Desya is known as the "nerd" and "Valedictorian" in a private School yet the boy is almost 20 years old in High School.. It just seems odd to me. Is it necessary to repeat each of the charecters full names at random moments of each chapter? The structure of your writing is confusing and the grammar is bad. My question is how this story was able to attract so many readers who actually enjoy the story. Then again the average age demographics for fictionpress ranges from 12-18 year olds who typically write struggling stories.

I hate the ending, but I like how Modest got mysterious now. I have a feeling that he's a 'nexus' of a lot of international crime syndicates. I mean, I think he's hiding something; like he's an adept fighter (him catching Nikolai's would-be slap from an earlier chapter), really smart (when he was planning to escape on another previous chapter, not to mention having noticed - with other people not noticing him noticing - security cameras all around) and that Nikolai's father knows this. And I think Modest's character is really like, a 'wolf in sheeps clothing' kind of thing. -continues reading-

Extremely confused right now...I'm going to have to reread the last few chapters. Since when did Nikki feel comfortable about napping with Modest, much less kissing him? I got the impression that he had issues about his sexuality.

I read the AN at the end of this chapter. Okay, so now I understand why Modest seemed so wimpy at first; I kept waiting for him to break down again. Still kind of miss leading but it just means I need to repaint my picture of him. No biggie. About that one dimensional thing, I think the advantages of a first person narration is that you get a glimps of how that person thinks which can tell you a lot about him/her. So what if they seem one-dimensional? It's still too early to get a full picture of the story. Besides, it's the the development and change in a story that counts. I certainly wouldn't want a Nikki who stays like a jackass for the rest of his life. Just my opinion.

I don't like Nikolai much. He's a complete ass with no morals or conscience but I'm guessing that is how he was supposed to be portrayed. I don't like Modest that much either. He's a complete wimp and somewhat of an idiot even for being a valedictorian, but I guess that's just him being extremely naive and sheltered. So far the only character I'm interested in is the father. It confused me a bit that Nikki was puzzled about why his farher wanted Modest because I thought the reason was obvious: his father loaned Modest's father a huge amount of money and since that money can't be payed back, Modest became compensation/payment instead. I'm missing something here but am very interested in the father's true intentions since it's been implied that there is one. I think the author has done a great job in establish strong characters so far. Modest is going to be a very interesting development (what with the gun stunt, even though he probably didn't quite know what he was doing). I'm not going to comment on grammar and spelling because I'm sure the author doesn't want to hear another lecture about it (I personally think it's counter productive after the umpteenth grammar nazi's review). You won't ever see me commenting on that in any future reviews. Now that I've babbled enough I shall continue with the reading.

This was very well written and interesting. Not my usual type of read, but still great. Nice job! D

I'm just kind of wondering why Desya is 20 and in high school.

excellent job with this chapter. thanks for sharing!

Omg, this chapter was so violent. Almost put me off completely, but i'm to hooked to leave it be. *clicks "Next" button".

Oh, abrupt ending, but I LOVE the last line. Despite all what these people said, I like Desya and Nikolai together. They deserve each other, anyway. lol

Lolololol. Just when I thought it couldn't be any funnier they do the thing where she walks in on them? Omg lol. So awesome :D I sound so generic :Pn on them? Omg lol. So awesome :D I sound so generic :P

Oh Nikolai. How could you say that? Surely you don't mean it... It's just your little tough boy facade talking right?

I bet he'll do something stupid like distance himself from Modest to avoid further complications or something...

Damn Dad _ I hope he walks in on them kissing or "something".

Oh poor poor Modest... :(

Okay, first of all, after stumbling across your reviews for other people about having correct grammar/spelling/etc., it's quite an annoyance to find that you yourself have multiple grammar problems. I lost count after the first five paragraphs of this chapter. After the first chapter I thought the grammar was just a slip, maybe it was your first draft and you wrote it in a hurry, but now after reading two chapters and a bit of the third, I can see that this is how you write. Could you please not be flaming others about improper grammar when you yourself, sir, have grammar that needs major revisions?

It really puts you in an odd position I must say.

Correct your own pathetic grammar.

Then go and correct others.

Have a good day.