|Reviews for Paddling Backwards|
| aurora llyria chapter 1 . 9/16/2006
God, this poem is gorgeous. Seriously, this is the kind of writing that makes me want to swear majorly, and I am not a swearing person. I LOVE the "paddling backwards" thing how he writes his memories and journeys (metaphorically anyway) back through his life and it's so beautiful, full of phrases that connect with me somehow oddly and deeply.
He’s twelve and he asks his mom/“When are feelings wrong?”
That small bit is so touching, especially apart from the other lines like that.
because when he’s grown up he’ll fly away/in a pirate ship/to ever never foreverland.
I just really like that "ever never foreverland" phrase. It's very cool.
The only thing is that last stanza that kind of bothers me. Like, not only is it a little cheesy (yes, like the other reviewers said, I can't think of a better word), but the rhyming pattern and rhythm of the last two lines almost ruins the whole thing for me. Because one of the things I love best about the rest of this poem is the awesome unusual rhyme scheme and the way the rhyming words aren't both put in places like the ends of consecutive lines that would make it so obvious. I don't know if you know what I mean, but this way it's more subtle and very real and lovely. But the last two lines are so awkward and the sound of their rhythm feels forced and not at all up to the standards of the rest of the poem. Besides, the "begun to snow" stanza is just exactly the kind of writing that the rest of the poem has that I love so much, and I think that would be a wonderful end. Plus with the references to earlier stanzas it ties it all together, and since it takes the most beautifulest parts from the earlier stanzas, the "begun to snow" one is just AMAZING.
Oh yes, and the figurative language is great. Not contradictory in any way that displeases me at all. One thing slightly confusing is basically, what exactly is this boy? I don't think I phrased that very well, but the poem had the word "homo" and then also made a point of Elmo not being a girl or boy, so I kind of thought he might be transgender, especially with the tea party thing, but then I think transgender people could be mistaken for gay by other people who don't really understand what those things mean, you know?...except, I don't think it's actually that important to have an exact answer of "what he is," because maybe he isn't entirely sure precisely what he is himself, neh? Perhaps that's kind of the point, like uncertainty over his identity and all...okay, anyway, I'd just like to tell you again how much I adore this poem.
| Violet Marx chapter 1 . 9/5/2006
The last stanza doesn't feel right. It's well-written, but somewhat cheesy, and the rest of the poem makes it stand out.
I've yet to find anything else to critique. You're so dang GOOD!
| vampiric-happenings chapter 1 . 7/12/2006
i love this poem! it is great! i like the last stanza. it's kind of like telling the golden ones off. or something. the whole thing is great! -thanks for the review- :)
| poet tree chapter 1 . 5/22/2006
My esteemed opinion? End it with "begun to snow"; the last stanza is needless. It's almost cheesy, although it is beautifully written cheese.
However - god, I love this one and can't believe it hasn't got reviews. *does a first review dance* Gorgeous. Adding to faves.