Reviews for closure
Luke Rounda chapter 1 . 1/15/2007
Disagree with the formatting issues perceived by others. I'm just glad you're not smearing canvasses with your own feces in an attempt to cover up the nothing.

Not a fan of "author's notes." You didn't go the extra mile and describe what you ate before you wrote it, like I see some do (that you did not good), but to me even one "note" is like the record skipping in the middle of a Beethoven symphony. Leave it up to personal interpretation... that's what art and poetry are about.

Content-wise, I found this piece very disjointed to start, before it assumed more of a beeline towards relationship on the rocks. The ninth stanza ("what we never knew...") is by far my favorite; it backs off the drama while spitting metaphors that are simple enough to be complex. "A feeling hard but soft alike" says so much with so little when put in context.

Thanks for reviewing "Foreign Words."

-Luke-
bipedalcooney chapter 1 . 12/5/2006
So well written! I love the emotional quality to this piece, and the metaphors are wonderful. The lines, "you equal

death. not real death, but death in the way that i could never see." are especially great. Awesome work. Keep writing!
sarah1491 chapter 1 . 10/8/2006
I enjoyed reading this poem.

One major thing that confused me was the awkwardness of the line-breaks. I have seen this style before, and if you are going for unique, this is not how to do it. It looks disorganized and is confusing to read. I try to make sure that my punctuation is at the end of each line, so readers can understand the rhythm a lot easier. I have tried writing in this style and I did not find that it worked for me. Anyways, great effort and good content. The format was just a bit awkward. No offense.

Personally, I liked your poetry on your other account better. Keep writing. :)

- Sarah

P.S. Reviews for my works would be greatly appreciated if you can find time to do so. If you are too busy, that is okay with me as well, but I really appreciate good constructive comments and advice on my poems and fiction. Thanks & bye. :)
Tyndall Blue chapter 1 . 6/24/2006
Oh I've favorited this one. Okay, the thing I'm noticing most is that this piece is screaming for stanzas. Especially since you have the line breaks in the middle of sentences and don't use capitalization in your poems (go you), there needs to be something to slow it down. When I read this is all rushed together and I had to go back and read it several times to make sure I caught everything. Aside from that this was a wonderful piece, I'm always a fan of internal rhyming. Actually, for reasons only somewhat known to me, this poem reminds me of "Daddy" by Sylvia Plath. Amazing job!
a lonely september chapter 1 . 6/14/2006
wow. big poem. there's so much in there. i liked it. the beginning especially. i think it should be a big divided at some parts so it doesnt look scary but still, incredible poem.