Reviews for Glittia: The Land of Unicorns
Esther Jade chapter 2 . 1/27/2008
Some quite interesting ideas in here. The overlap of the everyday and fantastical elements of Kelly's life works well.

There seem to be quite a lot of strange inconsistencies, though maybe you clear them up later. I don't understand why he would have the same name as the one she gave him. This doesn't seem to make sense. Did she just know what his name was? Or did he just accept what she gave him? And how come he wasn't able to talk before? What happened in the fall? And why Kelly?

I also think you put too much additional detail into the dialogue. Just let it flow - you don't need to have all the "he said, she said, he asked, she explained" unless the order becomes mixed up or someone new appear.

Minor issues:

dissapear - should only be one "s"

Except, im - should be a capital "i"

Esther Jade, from the Review Marathon (link on my profile page)
Esther Jade chapter 1 . 1/27/2008
I liked the way you started your story with quite a domestic scene. It gives an instant connection to the character.

One problem that is probably worse at the beginning of the chapter than the end is that almost all your sentences start with a "noun" or "pronoun". I know it's a trap I often fall into but it is quite important to mix it up a bit.

Minor issues:

"Do you think it's broken!" - Don't put in excess punctuation like this. It just doesn't feel professional (I know we're all amateurs but, you know...)

devistated - You have an "i" that should be an "e".

Canyon." she told her - That full stop should be a comma. (I saw this problem in a couple of other places.)

Lia turned and looked at her, strictly - How do you look at someone strictly?

them crutches. - should be "the".

at the site - should be "sight"

lead him into the barn - should be "led"

Esther Jade, from the Review Marathon (link on my profile page)
Murphy's Lawyer chapter 7 . 11/3/2006
BUA HA HA HA AHA AHA AH AHAHA

Okay now that I've gotten the maniacal laughter out of the way, on to the review.

GOOD CHAPTER

I'll keep reading in P.H. (peer helping)! SEe you!
Murphy's Lawyer chapter 6 . 11/3/2006
WOW is it just me or is Katherine a real whiner?

Anyone who agrees, say I!

-waits-

Oh shit. Never mind then...

Good chapter, looks like Kelly's doing a good job of settling in in Glittia. -wink-
Murphy's Lawyer chapter 5 . 11/3/2006
'Plays dirty'... Ahahahahaahaha you shouldn't put words like that into stories you know I'll be reading Jo, you know I'll twist it..

Well anyways good chapter. One thing? When you say stuff like 'Canyon stared at Katherine,' it should be spelled 'stared' not 'starred', because that means like starring in a movie instead of staring at someone.. which is what I'm doing now.
Murphy's Lawyer chapter 4 . 11/3/2006
WHE!

OKay yes, I admit that I am very, very very very, very, VERY bored. Such a level of boredom should not be allowed.

Anyways good chapter.. BUT YOU HAVE TO MAKE THEM LONGER. But since you just read my itty-bitty-witty prologue to MMH (that's Magic of Mind and Heart, don't you know) I guess I shouldn't talk.

Too bad.

Okay time to keep reading before the bell goes... .
Murphy's Lawyer chapter 3 . 11/2/2006
WHO another cliffhanger!

YAHOO! Well I'm gonna keep reading.
Murphy's Lawyer chapter 2 . 11/2/2006
Wow way to scare the shit out of everyone at the end of a chapter Jo!

lol Anyways I'm gonna keep reading.
Murphy's Lawyer chapter 1 . 11/2/2006
Hey Jo it's me, Puddin'. Lol Anyone else who sees this don't ask.

Good start Jo, I think I've read it quite a few times in foods class... lol Umm just little grammar mistakes and a few places where you started a new sentence when you shouldn't have. That's about it.

Anyways moving on.. told you I'd get around to reviewing this someday.

PS I have a BIG problem now! :S:S:S:S
viki-violet chapter 1 . 10/3/2006
i love this story it is so good i love the names of the characters and i can picture the whole thing in my mind.
PegasusWings chapter 6 . 5/28/2006
yo, i luv how this story is going to far. your doing great! continue the great work!
PegasusWings chapter 2 . 5/1/2006
i love the story, keep it up. u should insert what happen to her and how she fell and so on, as the prolouged or something. other then that really great story.