|Reviews for The Only God on the Windowsill|
| Anais Goldfish chapter 4 . 5/31/2012
You are a great, poetic writer. I am intrigued by the man on the windowsill and the way he interacts with Kaylee, as though she knows him and yet she doesn't. It's a very beautiful story to me :3
| poisonous.substance chapter 5 . 8/25/2009
This is truly a masterpeice
| like-diamonds chapter 1 . 2/10/2009
ooh lookie here. this was interesting. your stories always go in a direction that i dont expect it to. i like that. it was very nice. keep writing.
| Ziribella West chapter 6 . 1/19/2009
Very interesting take on the Coyote. I assume that is who the cowboy is, considering your name and after reading your bio. :-)
And I too, think that the word vociferously is underused! lol.
| Mockingbyrd's Tune chapter 5 . 8/17/2008
“The sun was just beginning to crease the horizon” Yum!
“You know, I’m talking to an empty window in hopes that an imaginary cowboy will hear me. You should appreciate this. I wouldn’t make myself look this silly for anyone else.” This is very revealing. That fear of looking silly… (Sigh.) Makes the world go ‘round.
“She turned and walked out the door, throwing one last glance at the windowsill. It was empty.” Wow. That’s happy-sad. She says she’ll remember him and doesn’t want their relationship to stop; yet, he doesn’t show.
This story reminds me of something I would read in a literature textbook. Like a work of Nathaniel Hawthorne, subject to my own perceptions and interpretations.
| Mockingbyrd's Tune chapter 4 . 8/5/2008
Weird, strange, and unidentified chapter. I want to keep reading now.
Ah, I see he really does have his back to her.
Phrases/sentences that caught my attention:
“The quiet screamed.” It really does!
“She let her eyes drift away from the open window, and from ‘what might have been an empty ledge’.” It’s a seemingly obscure phrase, but illuminating.
“Only as a rule. And the first rule of rules is that every rule has an exception. Except this one.” Another taste of Wonderland-speak, and this time I detect the flavor of the ‘no absolutes’ religion.
“Never mind. I don’t know if I meant anything.” “I usually don’t.” He sounds more and more like a cross between the mushroom-perched Caterpillar and HP’s Dumbledore.
“They spilled from her lips and dropped into the dark.” Great imagery.
“No story is ever finished, not completely.” So true. Completed or not, there is always some aspect of a story to improve… argh.
“There are differences in the way she interacts with the man, and some of the events in the story aren’t the same.” I just liked that Kaylee’s work was realistic; she disguised the account a bit.
“That was scientifically impossible, given the amount and direction of the reflected light from the moon. It was also a cliché. A million eyes in a million half-remembered stories had already sparkled.” You did this in Bestiary. I will dub it, “the author’s tangent.” Its mockery is witty, but doesn’t fit with the rest of the story. It would flow, if you added “Kaylee thought” or some such before the opinions.
“I’m worried about a version of me stopping. And a version of you.” So, ‘illogically speaking,’ if she stops describing him, a version of him stops. (Dense clouds forming.) What does that mean? Is he saying that if she doesn’t continue to remember him, the part of him that knows her will stop existing?
“But think of whom you’re asking for logic from.” Is this worded badly for a purpose? If not, you might try something like, “But, did you really expect a logical answer from me?”
The “touch my hand” conversation was affecting and very straightforward, with a realistic underlying plea for evidence.
I gather Kaylee felt bad that she didn’t remember the cowboy all the time. I really don’t understand how that necessitated guilt, though. You haven’t explained the emotion behind that yet.
The cowboy’s story made more sense for me the second read-through. The voices in the wind made it hard to follow. So, he’s spying on his “selves” and getting the better of them. I think this is very eye-opening. It gives a whole new spin to the phrase “deceiving yourself.”
It was hard for me to differentiate between what was more figurative and what was more literal. Kaylee’s feelings seemed very real and on the surface, but the cowboy’s response seemed to be veiled emotion, not really there at all.
| Mockingbyrd's Tune chapter 3 . 7/30/2008
Great job separating the meal from the present without making the reader endure the event firsthand.
“Silverware wheeled and dove like predatory birds, chasing bits of chicken pot pie out into the open.” Again, your style mesmerizes me, your own unique concoctions of thought, depicting simple acts.
This chapter was short, but I liked it the best. Maybe it was the method you used to tell it, juggling past and present, analogous reprieves from the scene, and the unsuccessful reaching out of Kaylee and her mother. Or was it successful, just not the expected result? (i.e.: she takes the coffee, even though she’d stopped drinking it in Michigan, purely to reconnect in a small way to her mom again.)
| Mockingbyrd's Tune chapter 2 . 7/30/2008
Again with the clock. Time is weighing on her, I suppose. But, why does the clock freeze? Is it just a way of describing how a writer feels when waiting for inspiration?
“rolled onto the carpet. There it lay, amidst the white ‘fluff’.” You used the word “fluff” three times in two chapters. You might consider “fibers” or “threads.”
“Aside from a wounded casserole and a partly deconstructed rotisserie chicken” ‘Wounded’ is superbly descriptive. (Smiling)
She explains another visit with the cowboy via brainstorming for a writing assignment, a great method to peak a reader’s interest. You are actually writing of pretty mundane occurrences in this chapter; and, yet, it is seasoned with creativity like this.
“‘Who would you like to call me?’ The man returned ‘I’m on your windowsill. I think you should have a say in the matter.’” And, yet, when she does try to call him by a name, he does not allow it. Is this contradiction a means of implying he wasn’t asking for a name exactly, but "who” he is to her?
I see a recurring typo where dialog is inserted. Above, the sentence should be “…like to call me?” /t/he man returned/./ Oh, and you accidentally used “creek” instead of “creak” when her mom returned home.
I’ll be honest; I’m not captivated by this particular plot. Yet, that effortless tossing out of poetic phrases and word images, in which you excel, persuades me to read just a little more.
| Mockingbyrd's Tune chapter 1 . 7/27/2008
As opposed to Project: Bestiary, this one begins by delving into the female perspective. Hm.
“‘I’ll reconnect you in the morning, if you promise to behave,’ She whispered.” This type of statement hints at her child-like quality, foreshadowing the relationship you introduce between the cowboy and Kaylee. Cool.
“Men and dogs chased each other in an infinite circuit around it.” There’s a subtle analogy you don’t see every day.
“To illustrate his point, the man put his back to the screen and threw his feet over the edge, letting them dangle above the rose bushes. The window sill was only a few inches wide.” I’m having a time trying to visualize the scene. He is outside the screen; the shutters open inwardly? First, he is sitting on his haunches like Peter Pan, his feet perched on the little sill? Then he sits on the sill, his feet dangling off, meaning he’s speaking with his back to her?
“It’s halfway between the house and the wild. People spend their lives going from one to the other, and never pause in the places in between.” Very proverbial-sounding. What are “the house” and “the wild” symbolizing? Childhood, spent believing everything you hear, and “the real world,” spent becoming disillusioned?
“I went away to learn.” “What did you forget for it?” Oh, this is very clever. Yet, the conversation which follows reminds me of one from Alice in Wonderland.
“because it was before trees and rocks and streams had been formed from the earth.” Is the earth an entity then? It forms things of its own accord?
“I called out to my two other selves, and asked them if they could help.” Interesting… three “selves” who prove to be in disagreement.
To be honest, I haven’t a clue whether I like this or not. The cowboy leaves me sort of ambiguous. Maybe that’s what you were going for: someone with confusing statements who “can’t promise anything.”
| Radyn chapter 1 . 6/12/2008
Ever read Neil Gaiman's American Gods? There's a chapter in that book that your story reminds me of; it's about a girl named Essie Tregowan and the gods of her childhood. I think you did a capable job in capturing the same surreal, off-beat atmosphere.
| Lady Dan chapter 6 . 5/31/2008
Finally, the end... I really loved the story, and I'll definitely have to keep moving up the ranks to the top.
"where the words just stop." I rather like that. It's poignant, to me atleast (since it does seem a little open to interpretation... Or perhaps I'm just looking to deep into thing?). Though, I do agree that there's alot of ideas that could have been explored a bit more, but... I think it was enough to be perfectly enjoyable to read. Lovely.
| Lady Dan chapter 4 . 5/31/2008
Alright, I admit, I lied about not sending you an expansive entourage of reviews...
It isn't much beyond I really love the interaction between Kaylee and the cowboy. Words fail me completely on how to describe how I love it.
“Well, I could make myself uncomfortable.”
It's just enough to be 'carelessly snarky', if that makes any sense. Lovely, lovely stuff.
| Lady Dan chapter 1 . 5/31/2008
(I'm going to make my rounds through your stuff as I'm able...)
“I’ll reconnect you in the morning, if you promise to behave” ~ I've done that... alot.. . But sadly the clock never does end up behaving at all...
That aside, I can really tell the Charles de Lint influences of the story so far, and I rather like it a fair bit. Of course, perhaps I'll just read through the entire story and review it at the end, that way you don't get a barrage of review-emails, etc...
| Inarra Lake chapter 6 . 2/3/2008
Wow, again, awesome. I wish my writing sounded like this, whimsical in an effortless, matter-of-fact sort of way.
If I knew, I think I'd want to go out with you.
| Disturbly chapter 1 . 8/21/2007
As I looked over your profile, this stood out to me right behind "I Do Believe in Faeries". Unable, as I was, to make a decision, I opted to copy the first chapter of each to peruse at my leisure; a tactic I've developed to compensate for my tragic alienation from the Inter-web. I think it will go without saying that, just like "Faeries", I liked this to a degree that doesn't truly connote an encouraging state of mental health. It seems to me that I'll be devoting a good bit of my free time to your body of work in the near future; guess I'll have to read it in the block of time I was going to dedicate to my education, and self-improvement. Que, sera...
I won't go through line by line and comment on what I liked; I would never be able to put my keyboard down (it would be the Crazy Glue fiasco all over again). So instead, you're in for the patented Meta-review, scaled down as it may be for the single chapter I've read. So prepare yourself...
The first thing that struck me as I read, at least early on, was how strangely familiar this seemed to be. The story begins with a protagonist, who happens to hail from Michigan and struggle against a hostile alarm clock, awakening from their repose to find a supernatural being waiting for them. It does seem as though I've heard that scenario before... Of course, this not only was published well before my own magnum opus, but diverges quickly into a different direction, and, if you'll permit me to say so, is of a completely different (better) caliber. But still, until about ten paragraphs down it was beginning to seem to me as if it were appropriate that the two of us met and fought to the death with swords; there can be Only One! I guess I can chalk it up to the seldom quoted first corollary to the aphorism about great minds thinking alike; namely, that occasionally a mildly stoned headbanger (do people still even use that term?) will concur with the great minds by random chance. I'm doing nothing to suggest how you can improve your skills by commenting on this, of course; I just thought it was cool.
While I've said I wouldn't go through line by line pointing out the greatness, I would be remiss if I didn't highlight the really, really good parts. 'Even the crickets were still. They had abandoned their pulpit by the window, deciding to take the gospel of the night to other places'; not to make you blush, but that line was as brilliant as it was concise. '"I’ll reconnect you in the morning, if you promise to behave,” She whispered.'; a lovely glimpse of the quixotic where I'd been least expecting it. '"It’s halfway between the house and the wild. People spend their lives going from one to the other, and never pause in the places in between.”'... Sweet Automatic Jesus; I'm not even sure I possess the articulateness to critique that line, and you *wrote* it... Why in the name of all that's unholy are you posting this on the Internet gratis, anyway? Pearls. Swine. Preposition meaning the opposite of "behind". You assemble the proverb.
As for the characters, I've got to say your archetypical trickster character was superbly done, *truly* a perfect foil to Kaylee. Note that I don't use the qualifier "archetypical" in the pejorative, to suggest he's some kind of stock character; rather, I only mean to say that it's clear that you've drawn inspiration from myths of such figures as Coyote (as if your profile wasn't a big clue) and Ananzi (only guessing, on that one). And both of them have captured my interest; I'm intrigued to see where this is going. And that story you had him relate- did you make that up, or insert an established piece of Indian folklore into your text? Because I can't tell.
It seems like I've went on more than long enough with the opulent praise; So, what can I suggest you do to improve it? Lemme think... If - if - you could work it out so that reading this was a surefire means to cure cancer, provide bigger, longer lasting erections, and guarantee entrance into Paradise after death, THEN it would be better; if only slightly. Short of that, it's basically flawless.
Have I started gushing? Certainly, but I'm not just indulging in the sycophantic tripe that turns into the web's largest multi-user circle jerk, either. I really do like this story; and as a certified Hate Based Lifeform, that's saying something. Though I've said it before, I am truly baffled to find a nugget of gold like this amid the cesspool of Stephanie Meyer inspired, Hawthorne Heights driven orgies of angst that 15 year old girls shovel onto this foul website; it's like finding one of Neil Gaiman's finer efforts in the box of Danish porno magazines in my brother's closet. There's a term for what you're doing, posting here; it's known as "slumming".