|Reviews for Elsewhere, Eden|
| drunkoffwooder chapter 1 . 8/29/2009
beautiful imagery, and i agree with you
| Utah Dynamo chapter 1 . 7/6/2009
well i don't really approve of abortion i want you to put yourself in th position of the aborted fetus would you rather Die instead of being born?
i know giving birth is painful but without it there would be nobody on this earth.
| Sophie Ulquiorra Allen chapter 1 . 5/20/2007
I love the raw imagery here, and especially your portrayal of the pro-life faction's ignorance on the one woman's predicament. Thought-provoking. I too, while a Catholic, tend to lean on the 'choice' side of things, but I usually believe that the whole procedure depends on circumstance. Anyway, this is a very heartfelt piece, and I admire you for speaking your mind on controversial issues. Well done!
| noodlegirl 28 chapter 1 . 3/28/2007
this is fascinating i love how you write about things that really matter instead of emo suicidal poetry like everyone else on this site seems to write your writings are awesome
| account not in use chapter 1 . 5/24/2006
I completely agree.
Brilliant work, it's true, the choice is heartbreaking, the outcome sobering, but in the end, anything else would be lost.
| Gilee7 chapter 1 . 5/20/2006
Okay, before I even start reading and reviewing this piece, I want to apologize for calling you Beti in my review of your "Vagina" (LOL, that so doesn't sound right). I had just come from reading and reviewing several of Beti's poems when I reviewed your's, and so I guess that's why I screwed up. I apologize, though. I just happened to notice that and I was quite embarassed.
[Eden:] I'm reminded of the "Vagina" poem again and the way it started out "My Vagina is:".
[Where two nude children] You pedophile, you!
[and they nicknamed her Eve for her Evil streak] I like that. And I also think it's interesting how you're making Eden, which is thought of as like THE paradise, sound like a very bad, evil place. It seems more hellish than heavenly.
[What is the fruit of this vine, ripely falling rose down her throat, it slithers,] It'd be more correct to use a semi-colon in place of the comma after "throat."
[ the fool reaching his hands deep inside her to pluck the cry of an infant through the center. And she lays silent in the afterbirth, panting, hot blood on her thighs, and her knees shake.] Very well-written. It's a strong, powerful section. Mind-burning imagery.
[Elsewhere: Knees shake as she fumbles from the car, doors locked - she always checks. She always counts her days, but this time nothing came, no blood across her thighs when she wakes up in the summer heat. No pain, just the fear.] I'm already enjoying the contrasts-and similarities-between this "Elsewhere" section and the "Eden" section.
[In an over hyped parking lot the hypocrites] Hyphen between "over" and "hyped": "over-hyped." And you need a comma after "lot."
[the unkind deceivers agog with proposition] Wow, "agog." What a word!
[Knees still shaking she holds her head up] Comma after "shaking."
[The hypocrites spit on her, call her ‘murderer’ and though their sect preaches ‘life’ they’re the ones who bomb the clinics in retribution.] A very interesting, powerful sentence. A little scary for how truthful it is.
[One lost doctor makes up for a hundred dead babies, right?] Ah, that Faithless-Juliet bitter sarcasm.
[raped, or changed, she regrets having to make the choice, but not the outcome.] I could try and be technical and say that this could (and should) be its own sentence, but technicalities never seem important when I read your work. The things that matter most in your work are the words, the language, the meaning, the message (I think some of those are the same thing). You've summed up how you feel on this issue with this sentence right here. I find it very interesting, too. I wonder if all women feel this way that have to go through it.
[She thinks of the world that the hypocrites desire] I think the whole "hypocrites" thing might be a little too strong and off-putting. Instead of making a point, you'll offend and nobody will even listen to what you have to say.
[somehow equipoise naturally with the age of their children] I learned a new word today: "equipose."
[a/n: Please choose choice, it doesn’t mean that you will or wont, it just means that you have the option. Don’t put yourself in the position of desperation. Don’t let Your rights be taken away.] I'd rather you omitted this little Author's Note. Let your work speak for itself. We know your stand on this issue just based on the ... whatever you call this thing; Creative Essay would probably be the most accurate term, if such a thing even exists (I think the higher-ups might call it a Personal Essay, instead). But yeah, I just find this little Author's Note kind of off-putting. You made your stand in the essay. We already know how you feel.
I enjoy reading reviewers' responses to pieces that take a stand against, or for, an issue that's considered controversial, whether it be abortion or gay-marriage or whatever.
This was a very well-written ... poetic essay (that's what I've decided to call it). You make a lot of interesting points and I'm sure you'll make several people think. This ... poetic essay ... is quite beautiful, actually, despite the horrible topic. I love the way you handled the whole Eden/Elsewhere scenarios. Very cool.
I don't agree with your stand on the abortion issue. A few years ago I did, but since then many things have changed for me. That didn't keep me from appreciating, and respecting, this wonderful piece of writing, though. I actually have an idea for a short story that's kind of a twisted take on abortion. It'll be fun to see what you say about it when I finally write it. Although I doubt that I'll get around to finally writing it for at least a couple months; I have too many other things I'm wanting (and needing) to write before then.
Write on, JULIET!
| in theory chapter 1 . 5/16/2006
Firstly; it's about blinking time! I've had so many opportunities to read your work, and I start, and then something drags me away. Not that that's an excuse (the something was generally not totally important, but you know how exams make you..)
But things should be fairly regular from next weekend anyway. This reminds me of the review you left for Violent Weeds Kneeling (seems so long ago that I blurbed that out..romance warps time, does it not?). Eden fascinates me; have you heard the poem, "Nothing Gold Can Stay" by ?
"Then leaf subsides to Eden sank to grief,so dawn goes down to gold can stay."
It ties in interestingly with your piece on abortion. I'm with you on the choose choice approach; life is one of the most beautiful things we can choose, if the choice is given to us. It can also be the most difficult, so that's why I'm not totally prolife etc. Way too idealist, and impossibly confused, but having way too much fun picking this apart so don't hold it against me too much!
I like how you highlight "evil" from the name Eve, it's something you read and think...ah yea, that makes sense..hmm. Well at least I did (not saying Eve was the cause of the whole downfall thing though...but that's a WHOLE new kettle of fish.) And then the ultimate sexiness of the next paragraph/sentence, the fruit becoming her fertility, is just fabulous (and beautifully erotic/ironic too).
Fearing nudity...seems a vaguely vain idea but I get it totally, and it deepens the whole sentence. The whole "Elsewhere" part is gorgeous, in terms of plotting and progression and all those other fancy things that I don't really have any idea about, but they impress me somehow anyway. It feels very professional.
Keep up the great work m'dear, I'll make as much indent on your work as I can tonight but we'll have to see.
| Leo Eigenmann chapter 1 . 5/15/2006
This has so much to do with social realism, very ice point you've got there. And it is amazing how you express these through words. Try reading my poems for a change.
| Ashelin chapter 1 . 5/14/2006
Man, Juliet. You say all these nice things about my poems, and then you have to write something I just hate. But, this was a better argument than most people put up. I hope your proud of me though, I'm not gonna argue. Personaly, I don't think it will help. There will always be a choice, and I can't stop that. I just want to say something, if the consequences were as dire as having no ability to abort, do you think there would be so many teen pregnancys? I don't know the answer, I was just wondering your opinion. But in some cities in, well, and island (can't remember, sorry :() if a person murders someone, they are killed. I don't neccesarily agree with that, but there are a lot less murders there. I really am not trying to argue, it is really hard. So, I'm not going to say anything more.
| Chandra-Moon chapter 1 . 5/14/2006
I agree with choice. Personally, I don't think I would be able to have an abortion, but who says I wouldn't? I've never been in that situation, and so, I cannot say I wouldn't ever get one. And I cannot make that choice for others, because it is not my choice to make.
I liked the connections between Eden and elsewhere in this. You did a good job of relating the two things, and getting your point across. Very poetic and beautiful, even when you talk about awful things.
| myheartwantsyou chapter 1 . 5/12/2006
i agree with you on the subject of choice. you presented it beautifully. if i may ask why are you so enthuniastic about it?
| Oh fuck this chapter 1 . 5/10/2006
This is really incredibly great. You manage to weave meaning with writing and the outcome is amazing. Beautiful job.
| MidnightStar005 chapter 1 . 5/10/2006
This is beautifully written.
| Ardis Edanna chapter 1 . 5/8/2006
I truely do admire your style, and certainly appreciate your passion. However ... I don't agree with most of your positions, especially not this one. EVE is life, and if you pay attention to the text in which you find your roots, you find that God holds the man responsible, regardless of Eve's suggestion. Also, those who oppose abortion do not all support bombings of abortion clinics or struggling unwed mothers. They support the life of the unborn, a life just as valuable as that of the mother (for who will say that one's life is more valuable than another's?).
| tsym chapter 1 . 5/8/2006
Beautiful words and very well written.