Ooh. You have a very good style and I'm relly interested to know what happens next. The present-tense style is a little confusing, but it adds something.

I hope there'll be another chapter up soon.

You have a much better grasp of rhetoric than most authors on Fictionpress. The fact that your story is written in present tense is a bit awkward, but not terribly so. I'll be back for the next chapter for sure.

I really like this. You have a better grasp of spelling and grammar than many people on story sites and have a knack for characterization. Keep going.