|Reviews for In the Bed That She Made|
| Twilight Starr chapter 6 . 6/23/2008
Very interesting and well written chapter. Sorry for taking so long to R&R. I'm intrigued and want to see what happens next. Please update soon. Have a fantastic summer.
| Ronald N. Howie chapter 1 . 11/30/2007
I really enjoyed the way the woman in this has no name. And especially the great diction in describing how disgusting her life is, really. The only thing I can really critisize on is when you say,
"...she knew some stains would never come away. Like the one on her soul."
I really beleive that the soul part is implyed well without spelling it out. Somehow the statement that she knows some of the stains wont ever come off is far more cryptic than to just come out and say it.
But other than that very minor detail good show. Im impressed. That and I love to love unlovable characters.
| Twilight Starr chapter 5 . 11/16/2007
Wonderful job on description. Nice work.
| Twilight Starr chapter 4 . 10/22/2007
Looking forward to more.
| Twilight Starr chapter 3 . 10/22/2007
Hopefully she'll be able to escape that life. It's so tragic. Great job!
| Twilight Starr chapter 2 . 10/22/2007
Her story is so sad. It makes me want to cry for her.
| Twilight Starr chapter 1 . 10/22/2007
Beautifully written beginning. Her story is so hauntingly sad.
Good luck with writing, this story, and life.
Have a wonderful day.
| ThePhantomFly chapter 4 . 9/23/2007
I like this. It's so bittersweet.
Can't wait for more.
| DarkBlysse chapter 1 . 8/22/2007
Review game! AH!
"She propped herself up gingerly on her elbows and waited for the diluting fog of sleep to clear..."
-Love your description there. Never seen one quite like that, and it works rather well.
"As always, it took her a few moments upon waking to realize where she was...with the lost feeling of a child who does not remember where she has fallen asleep."
-You don't need that second bit, as it's rather redundant. You've already said that she didn't know where she was, and you're just needlessly repeating that.
I've noticed that quite a lot of your sentences start with 'she'. Try to find some other sentence-starters, as using the same word gets boring (and for some people, annoying) very quickly.
"Her client last night had been a rough one."-Oh, wow. I did not see that coming. O.o
"She had known her would be from the moment his large unforgiving shadow..."
-I think you mean 'he' and not 'her' there. _*
"She had felt the usual screams and sounds of revulsion explode inside her head, but as usual, she let none escape to the surface."
-Wow. I loved that bit. I can't say much aside from that, as it's made me rather speechless. ;
"Pulling her bony legs to herself, she let herself wish vaguely, uselessly. That her body would her own."
-You should try and combine these two sentences and change 'would' to 'was'.
All in all, this was really well done. It's been a while since I've read something written quite like this, and I found it really refreshing. Good work!
| AluminumMuse chapter 1 . 5/17/2007
I really like this. Simply and beautifully tragic. It would be nice if we had some more details of her life outside of prostitution, and how her night time activities effect her day time additude. Does the sun help every morning? Or was it just this one?
| Shet Lloyd chapter 2 . 2/12/2007
I really liked the second chapter of this. The first was good, too, but the phrase 'full crimson lips' seemed incongruously Mary Sueish. Although I guess it kind of fits in with being a prostitute. Anyway, yeah. I'm looking forward to reading more of this, if you decide to write it.
| Liisha2theMoon chapter 1 . 11/19/2006
Aw... that was really sad... poor girl... ;_;
| Jezsh chapter 1 . 5/13/2006
I like this. It's very emotive, and well-written. I like the bit of optimism at the end, although I'm not sure how well it fits, as the rest is extremely bleak. But she does seem like a girl with some fight in her. Nice work!
| Aella88 chapter 1 . 5/7/2006
hauntingly beautiful. I don't really know how to express what I feel about this piece, but I love it. It reminds me of so many books I have read...especially since I read way too many historical romances...which usually include a brothel or two in London. I love the way you created her character. I especially love her feelings and emotions, and the ending was beautiful. I also liked your choice of title and the ironic metaphor...