Reviews for The Birth of Water
Fabian Cortez chapter 1 . 3/28/2008
This reminds me so much of a kind of surreal dream. Perhaps of being born yet being aware in the womb of your mother. Sensing the love and protection forthcoming, and not wanting to let go. Almost as if the room that is spoken of is the womb; therefore womblike and the water spoken of the the fluid helping to keep the child safe before it is born, and opens its eyes for the first time.

I know this may not be the intended interpretation, but I cant help the feeling that I get from this.


ossining chapter 1 . 7/17/2006
Fantastic opening line. Great metaphor.

I like the similarities in weave/wave.

Gloaming is an odd word. I'm not sure I know what it means exactly.

"lost trinkets in the blue trunk I keep in my bedroom." - this line seems awkward, like you're trying too hard? I think it's the "I keep in my bedroom" part that's making it look a little overdone

"shell of hell" - I heart this rhyme

"planets plane enough" - should that be "plain"? I like the alliteration, too

I don't know that I know what daedal means, either.

"she is not the moon,/but mother,/she could be." - wow, gorgeous. I love that idea. It's so mystical.

"lips have become prickly like a cocoon." - are cocoons really prickly?

"worser words." - is worser even a word? I like the alliteration here, too.

"thick and yawning./twisting and fawning" - love this rhyme

"like a woman;/like a woman kneeling,/peeling" - I like the repetition of "like a woman," and I love the rhyme

"the shell of infancy from her eyes like spider legs -" - quite possibly the best line in this entire poem. What an image!

And that was the longest review ever. Hee. Keep writing! :)
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 5/29/2006
I like this.. the begining & the ending being the same is cool and i love the whole innocence concept
Luma chapter 1 . 5/18/2006
oo, such talent! The poem is long, but it holds my attention all the way through. I love the feeling of this. Nice work.


P.S. Thanks for your review. Made me ever so happy :)
Suicidal Romance chapter 1 . 5/17/2006
most of your poems are long, but i think they're still wonderful.
angel1357 chapter 1 . 5/16/2006
Wow... that's all I can say is wow. It has such feeling, but my mind doesn't seem to comprehend it all right now... nice work!

Oh, and thank-you for reviewing!
Chandra-Moon chapter 1 . 5/16/2006
hmm. This is very lovely. Delicate, yet strong. The words themselves are soft, yet it doesn't sound wishwashy. Deliberate, and careful.

I really liked this. I didn't fully understand it, but it seemed to be about the intertia of you are as a child, changing into who you will be as you grow up. Part of you wants to stay the same, but like you said, sometimes you can't always be the same person, if that's not who you are.

Very nice.
crazilazigurl chapter 1 . 5/16/2006
thanks for the review...i like our writng as well...especially this one!
Capricious Bunny chapter 1 . 5/16/2006
The way your poem flows- first here, then there, then here- I found the very shape of it extremely pleasing to the ear and eye. Wonderful word choices, a number of things you don't see in your everyday poem. I've been reading a number of poems lately, but yours really stands out. Well done!
MidnightStar005 chapter 1 . 5/16/2006
Another poem beautifully done!

breezy nostrils chapter 1 . 5/16/2006
i love the word play in this one. wave to me...and pulling...beautiful imagery!
Elizabeth Bilberry chapter 1 . 5/15/2006
I really like the language you used, emotions I felt and the metaphors I saw when reading this lovely poem by you. With new poem I read from you, it is better than the last. Take care and keep writing.

x-thewretched chapter 1 . 5/15/2006
Your style is so unique. Every word fits perfectly. Beautiful poem.
classic violet chapter 1 . 5/15/2006
Wow. This is brilliant. So very gorgeous and pretty. The words chosen are fantastic and so beautiful. I just love this poem!
Anaare chapter 1 . 5/15/2006
While reading this, I found myself holding my breath. The word use is beautiful, it's elegantly written and I enjoyed reading it very much. It just has this atmosphere, very poignant. I commend you.
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