|Reviews for Coincidence?|
| Solemn Coyote chapter 1 . 5/17/2006
Thank you for your review. I'm glad you could find favorite lines in my poem. I wasn't sure if it made sense when I wrote it. Okay, per my reviewing policy, I'm going to divide this into sections. Each one should address a different topic.1) I'm in no way qualified to review poetry. Even if I can remember to use them, I constantly forget the names of literary devices. So, keep that in mind and feel free to disregard my reviews.2) I really like the concept behind this. It plays off the illogic and outright improbability of love, which is cool. A lot of poems explore themes of destiny and certainty, while this allows room for doubt.3) You mentioned in your author's note that you have a love/hate relationship with this poem. I think-and this is my uneducated opinion-that this is due to your concluding line. It banishes all the uncertainty and wonder of the rest of the poem. Personally, I prefer the idea of true love as a coincidence to the idea of it as an inescapable force. I think the former makes it slightly more powerful, just because it's so unlikely. Try leaving this poem a little unresolved to see if you prefer it that way. Something like "It can't be coincidence, can it?"4) I like the phrase "from the simple first graze, or your hand". I think haveing 'simple' and 'first' right next to each other might be a little redundant, but it isn't anything to worry about. The idea of grazing someone's hand (which implies friction and conflict rather than just soft touch) is really cool. 5) Okay, I think that's it. Keep writing. I'll review when I get a chance.
| My New Pen Name chapter 1 . 5/17/2006
Overall I think it's nice; good imagery and really sweet and heart-felt in nature. But, I hate when something feels 'off' in a poem; the whole "love/hate" relationship thing that I have with some of my poems. . . so I'm going to throw a few ideas out there, and you can ignore them or use them as you wish.I think you kind of overuse commas. . . there are a few parts where I know it is unnecessary. . . And I think that when you start the line "Our eyes" you could us a few word before it, to show that it is continuing the idea from the line before it- like "Or that our eyes" or something. Ditto for the "Our Lips" question. . .Anyway, as I said, I like it, so. . . nice job!
| Lirael1 chapter 1 . 5/17/2006
Very simple and sweet, and the line "Blend hues with agonizing sweetness" is beautiful. I think perhaps... Create repetition in your questions by starting with "that" to indicate you're continuing the initial question. That's up to interpretation, however. Additionally, the ending sort of falls flat in the face of the above rhythms and sensations. Try ending with one line or three - an odd number instead of an , enjoyed, you just asked what is slightly off, so there are some possibilities. You write well with the senses - carry it to the end.