Haha, that was cute. Kudos for a cute, succinct story!

Really good :-)

Loved it. Ahh wouldnt it be great if all the cute boys on the bus talked to us. xD

E. Fluff. I adore fluff. I was worried that she wouldn't see him again after the tenth ride.

The she's were all fine, don't worry.

aw! i LUV boyz on buses! i have alwayz thought about that...la la la la...k, back from mi corner of the universe. AWESOMENESS! u seem 2 like graffiti stuff. :)

aw...sweet. no really, very cute. i think you did very well with this one, the lead up with the first seven bus rides or whatever, were really good, and it wasn't to repitituos at all. good job,zo

Wow! i really like the story. Very nice. :D

I liked this. It was pretty good, no grammar-y mistakes and all that jazz. :D

I enjoyed reading this. Good work!

that was so cute! You know, this would make a good story... i wish i could find my dream guy like that ::starts daydreaming about mystery man:: lol

aww...

_

I love structured one-shots. Especially the fluffy kind.

"She hardly ever caught buses, (found?) them too claustrophobic, and so each time she did(,) it stuck in her memory..." I can relate to having "sticky and shiny...glitter that would not go away" stuck on my hands but in terms of diction, I thought the comparison seemed rather out of place in the piece. Maybe compare the memory to something else that sticks out and is shiny?

"When she had stepped onto the bus, and (paid?) her fee..." The nitpicky part of me didn't like all the connecting 'ands' but when I read the sentence aloud, all the 'ands' flowed nicely together. I feel the same way about the next line. "And there, three seats in front of her and to the left, he was." I thought that this was the most important sentence in the entire piece, the moment in movies where everything stops for a split second. I thought that telling the reader where the guy sat sort of interrupted the flow of the moment. Maybe: And there he was. Three seats in front of her and to the left. ?

"...the bumps on the road seeming (not) to fault his lines"?

"But the eighth(...?)oh, but the eighth."

"She was acutely aware of all her limbs, and how they seemed to stick out at odd angles. She didn't fit into the bus. He did, though, as if he were a part of it." I really liked the comparison that you drew between them. I also liked how you used her ill-fitting limbs to reflect the awkwardness of the situation.

"Don't think I'm a wacko or anything!" He gets all flustered and she doesn't usually catch buses...adorable!

Wonderful last line.

Nitpicky grammatical thing: some sentences sort of run together when the clauses are not separated by commas. I didn't find the 'she' too repetitive but at the same time, I didn't realize that you were trying for repetition...or have I misunderstood your question completely?

Very, very nice.

I don't usually review but I thought this desrved one so I clicked the button!This was a great short exercise... beautifully written and everything. I loved how you never used names, it made it more accessible. Wonderful job!

No const. crit. for you at all! The chapter was perfect. Very nicely done.

no, i don't think it was too repetitive at all.

I think that by not giving her a name, people can relate to her better.

this is nice, well done ]

This was good...since the "she"s were all in the right places, it didn't feel stiff. I especially liked how you numbered the bus rides, and how "the tenth was the best bus ride of all". Keep writing!