Reviews for Perhaps
voice.writer chapter 1 . 4/11/2007
You left such an amazing review of Artist that I just HAD to review yours. (Usually I don't...which is rude. I should do this more often.) Anyways, I am glad I did because this is better than a lot of stories I've read on FP in a while.


I absolutely LOVE the "Once upon a time, perhaps." It is such a catchy, flowing phrase-and it's original, too. Even though you use the "once upon a time" phrase, it's SO effective here, partially because you put the "perhaps" in and partially because it's repeated with meaning.

There is one awkward line-it jumped out at me because it was not with the tone: "So vulnerable, all alone, was she." This is also a personal opinion-"was she" and "was I" and that type of phrasing is an interruption for me. You could even take it out because that first sentence of the paragraph is "A young girl, all alone in the world" so it's repetitive without a least, that's how I see it.

I got a bit confused (it might be clear to someone who isn't as tired as I am...) at the middle-what exactly happened to her that made her change? I understand the lack of family part (gorgeous three lines, by the way-not over-done at all!) Also: where did she go? "When she returned" implies, in a literal sense, that she left the place she grew up in...I'd love to see that flushed out.

Overall-this is amazing. I'm adding it to my favorite stories right now (and off to read some more of your work!)
Ashlee Pond chapter 1 . 4/6/2007
I loved it. Simply told with beautiful imagery, a powerful and emotional piece. You are one of the most skilled writers whose work I have ever read. Thank-you for sharing your talent. _ Bravo.
aurora llyria chapter 1 . 5/24/2006
Oh...! Yes, I say that a lot for your stuff, but that's because it's so fitting. At least, I cannot think of a better word/phrase/thing. Oddly enough one of my favorit lines was the dedication. Although I loved all the others too. Truly.
Meihan chapter 1 . 5/24/2006
This is sad ( Almost made me cry sort of i guess (lol) Me im not really a person to cry, but anyways its good
Tad Zendol chapter 1 . 5/24/2006
Beautiful. Watch me cry now.