|Reviews for Antilla: The Birth of Legends|
| SuitedManatee chapter 22 . 11/26/2013
First of all, thank you for mentioning that you are actually a writer in your last review for Angelium. I thought it would be polite to return the favour and take a look at some of your work.
I know you said on your profile page that you thought about deleting this trilogy, but I'm glad you didn't. I really enjoyed the plot and the characters, and all the action sequences were really well paced and got me hooked on this.
If anything I'd say all it really needs is a proof read and an edit just to sort out the little mistakes that pop up from time to time.
Overall, I'm looking forward to starting on part two and hoping you don't decide to give up on this completely.
| pinoy1 chapter 9 . 1/21/2011
this is a good read... Needs quite a bit of proof-reading though to make the dialogue smoother. Also needs a whole load of descriptive text and adjectives to make each scene more vivid.
| Numbers 31 chapter 5 . 7/25/2008
Just doing the math in my head. Even if Cyrrin and Cerina had sex the day they met (way back in June, 2161); and if she got pregnant that first time; and if that baby was born a month premature (born in February, 2162); then their child Izzy would have just turned eighteen less than a month before arriving at Aloyo Military Academy.
But what are the chances of that happening? I picture at least a few months of romance, a few false alarms with those Destrega brand pregnancy tests, before they get around to making a family. I still hold true to by belief that Izzy is seventeen, possibly even sixteen. Way to young to be in a military academy.
Since it's February, I'm assuming he's still a senior in high school and won't graduate for three more months. But somehow he's accepted into an Academy (and not only that, but he's damn near an ace?). Sure, that could all be schoolyard gossip. But the thing is that the students there have heard of him. He's at least a little famous. How'd he get that way? He's like a Harry Potter fighter ace.
| MaDMaS22 chapter 3 . 2/21/2007
I suppose this is another drop in your review bucket. In any case I thought this chapter was good for the most part I was a tad confused in certain places. kinda how the narrator knows all. I never really like know all narrators meaning well you probably know what I mean but just to be clear narrators that can tell exactly how everyone feels at any given time it kind of takes away from the ambiguity of any given relationship. i.e with the way this is narrated I already know how the Captain and the Pilot feel. There is no mystery to it. Sure i want to see where it is going to go. but now the only question is when will they get together. if only comes into play if one of them dies. Parenthetically Killing main characters is great in my book it shows the author is not afraid to be real. so yeah good stuff will read more later.
| MaDMaS22 chapter 2 . 2/21/2007
Im interested to see exactly where this goes. I am an action junkie and I suppose for me thats the true test of whether or not I will love this story utterly or be confused beyond belief.
| BloodZero chapter 3 . 2/17/2007
Oh, sweet, it's a fan of the futuristic conflict of stuff! Nice, you've got a friggin' awesome thing here! Would you mind reviewing my stuff? You seem to have this whole interstellar combat thing down.
Not bad at all, good stuff.
| Deathworm chapter 22 . 9/15/2006
This is way overdue! But I just compared this edition with the very first complete draft and I think you would agree with me when I say that some things get better with age.
This story shows the manner in which the series (and the author) as well have matured, deepened and simply gotten a hell of a lot better! D
Always a pleasure reading your work.
And if you're going to ask . . . I shall be cryptic.
The Amazons are still out there. And you might see them again. Sooner than you think.
Gonna start on Tides of War real soon, man.
| Spooney chapter 11 . 7/31/2006
*Gunner Cloudkicker* - can I just say that, that is the coolest sounding name EVER!
And Stack, I hated him from the beginning of this chapter. His cocky attitude and bravado spelled his downfall. *satisfactory laugh ensues*
Seriously though, the action sequences in this chapter were awesome. You really have a way of scripting incredible dogfight scenes, and the way you write them makes it real easy for the reader to picture them in his head.
And now, the ONE and ONLY gripe...- Again, in this chapter I felt that when Alpha Squadron arrived you focused to much on Antes and forgot about the rest of the squad. Balance is key in stories, you don't want to send a score of infantry soldiers out into battle and only follow one of them. The same applies for your dogfights. Antes may be the main guy, so more focus should be put on him, but you still need to flick back and forth to the other members of the squad, or they just become pointless characters that are used simply to fill in the numbers.
| Spooney chapter 10 . 7/30/2006
"And... the plot thickens." -_-
This was good, I mentioned the "Top Gun" feel to this story and here you have them watching the movie. Also, I found that the sparring scene between Indelli and Nikoman was reminiscent of the opening to 'Broken Arrow'. And the mention of a martial arts around guns, could someone be referring to the superb movie... 'Equilibrium'.
Anyway, I liked this chapter... it furthered the plot along well.. not giving too much away. The prank scene was hilarious, I was actually picturing the scene in my head and laughing.
Also, can I add that your dialogue is some of the best I've seen.
Now, onto the gripes...
I have noticed, not necessarily in this chapter because I think you only curse once, but in previous chapters the cursing has been unnecessary. In fact, I don't think there is a point where you need it at , as far as your coupling people together goes... I've found, it may just be me, but it seems as if the pairings all seem to like each other. Its like if there is going to be a couple, the two people almost always like each other anyway. I like to see a little heartache man, some dude getting shot down.
Anyway, overall it was good. I'll keep on reading and reviewing tomorrow.
| Spooney chapter 9 . 7/30/2006
A good chapter.
A few spelling/grammatical errors that you are probably already aware of.
I think that this worked well, taking some time to calm down after a nice portion of action in the previous chapter. You don't want to overdo it, it helps the story come together more. Makes it more 3-Dimensional, if that makes any sense... as opposed to the 2-dimension types of stories that are all action and dialogue... its chapters like this that help to further develop the story.
| Spooney chapter 8 . 7/30/2006
This was a good chapter, I thought that you made a good step in further developing the character of Myles Warren.
One gripe I have, the battle was well-written... you made sure that Defiant Squadron took losses which is exactly what would happen... some people tend to write god-like characters who never get hurt. But, the one problem was I felt that when Alpha Squadron entered the fray you seemed to focus completely on Antes. I get that he is a main character, but it wouldn't hurt to look at some other characters.. even if it is only for a brief period.
| Spooney chapter 7 . 7/29/2006
This chapter I felt was good in the way that it ended making the reader, or me at least want to continue. Sadly, I can not.. because I don't have the time. But I will later on tonight.
Anyway, overall I thought it was an average chapter for its content. I thought that the history lesson was a little forced, but there is no other way you could fit in the purposeful backstory.
There were only a few errors, and they were only minor ones. So again, proof-reading may be in order. But then, I'm pretty sure you'll just get someone to proof read the whole thing.
Your writing style is great, just thought I would mention that. It is very similar to my own. I look forward to the next chapter. -_-
| Spooney chapter 6 . 7/29/2006
First of all, errors...
"signified the conclusion of the Old Era Calendar and the beginning of the OF THE New Era Calendar"
Yes, you said "OF THE" twice and also forgot to finish the sentence with a period."
Also, I spotted just a few spelling mistakes in there so you may want to run a spell-check through the chapter, or get someone to proof read it.
Anyway, the chapter itself was good. One of the best so far. The simulation was expertly wrote I thought, the action was non-stop. And putting Izzy in one of the Interceptors I thought was a sneaky move, but it was a very clever idea. Izzy and Antes have sort of a Maverick/Iceman thing going on I think, and it works well with your story.
| Spooney chapter 5 . 7/28/2006
Ok, I don't know how many small grammatical and spelling errors there are in this chapter, but I did notice at least 2 in the first paragraph.
The first being, "held the role of PATIOTS' ...and the second being "a still-growing fleet made up mostly IF Devastator-class..."
Onto the chapter, it was well written. Each section was very informative, I am looking forward to seeing Alpha and Omega in action. The conversation between the Cadets I found particularly enjoyable. You manage to keep the dialogue at a teenage level, which is good. The only gripe I have with the whole chapter is that Zamir just comes across as a stereotypical "bad-guy". I don't know if you made him that way on purpose. But me, I found that the twiddling of the moustache and the boisterous laughing were a tad over-the-top, for my liking anyway.
Other than that, excellent writing.
I'll read and review more tomorrow.
| Spooney chapter 4 . 7/28/2006
Ok, as I read this I was thinking to myself "NO! DAMN YOU!" The reason being is because it is practically a duplicate of the chapter I am currently writing for my story. And, people will only comment on how I am copying you. Oh well, at least I have something to look over as inspiration.
Onto the chapter, it was decent. I have seen a couple of these types of scenes that have turned out poorly because they are not wrote correctly. This one I couldn't find anything wrong with. You had Antes, his actions were of a typical hotshot, although I liked that his team still supported him. I have to say though, at the end I sorta figured that every other team would top the score.