Pumpkin4565 chapter 1 . 6/13/2006
Your a loser thats y no one reads your stories. Even i didnt. It just looked like a waste of time. lol. Loser
COWARDscreamitout chapter 1 . 6/8/2006
Honestly. This story is pathetic. I have no idea of any improvements for you to make. I am sick of seeing you stupidly flame others on FP. Do you want some attention darling? Because your fifteen minutes is take yourself and your teen angst elsewhere. Thanks for making me resort to throwing up to rid this from my mind.

PrETtY PoiSOn SuX aSs lOLz(haha)
Mr. Magic chapter 1 . 6/6/2006
i didn't read it but i just wanted to say: wen u flame more than 1 person don't use the same flame on each of them. the aids thing is getting pretty old. u used it about 10 times on different people. so how about coming up with new ones, ok?

Mr. Magic
Apoc Genesis chapter 1 . 5/30/2006
After your wonderful review of my story, I felt I owed it to you to review another one of yours

Now you say that you are cryign out for attention for your story, but it seems to me that you are just crying our for attention in general. Then again, begging for positive fluff rather than anything constructive for self esteem purposes really isnt my cup of tea, so who am I to judge.

Now as for the story, there are way to many fucks for my taste. Fuck here, fuck there, everywhere a fuck in every sentence. Also, "Claudia had breast the size of watermellon" struck me as pretty funny. Other than that, it seems like pretty much standard random teen angst, which i choose not to review anyway, but then again, what goes around comes around.

Please do the serious writers a favor, and grow up. Or learn how to write properly. Whichever one comes first _
Beef Lips chapter 1 . 5/30/2006
Pretty Poison? Pretty awful. Really terrible.
Lord PichuPal chapter 1 . 5/26/2006
After seeing your very vague review of my story, I decided to look into your work. This is the first story of yours I looked at and, I must say, I'm not impressed. There's a massive lack in in spelling and grammar. That right there is one thing in major need of improvement.

Also, I'd have to say there's probably too much swearing. I didn't even go maybe a quarter of the way through this story either. I was really turned off by the disregard for the English language (i.e. poor spelling and grammar) and the lack of interest I had in it leading up to that point I stopped.

Hopefully this wasn't one of your best works. If it is, there is obviously a lot of room for improvement. ~Lord PichuPal
teiwaz chapter 1 . 5/26/2006
I tried to give it a chance... but I got tired of the clich├ęs and stereotypes a fifth of the way through. I would rework this a bit, maybe less swearing and more focus on description before continuing it.
I'll never tell chapter 1 . 5/26/2006
ask and you shall recive

it is...diffrentall the "fucks" take away
Elochai chapter 1 . 5/25/2006
Started reading, had to comment.

Although there is plot your punctuation and paragraphing does get to me - Almost as much as the summary of the story. I'd like to add after reading this and another story that you seem to have an obsession with your sentences structure being;

Name does..."BLAH!" Name said... (... - Sentence continuation.)

Regardless, for a fourteen year old I believe you have quite some potential. I'll look forward to your work in later years.

StarlitCathedral chapter 1 . 5/25/2006
You're, I'm sorry to say. You have to swear everywhere in this story, which isn't necessary, and you have no character development. You don't know how to use punctuation or any type of grammar and the story itself is ridiculous.

You might want to try learning how to write before you critique other individual's writing, seeing how I've noticed several flames in today alone.
ricochet-moon chapter 1 . 5/25/2006
Wow! This is a pretty intense story! SPike is a sick, twisted individual! You have a very good descriptive style. I can picture your characters very clearly. Please write more!
Charlotte Tihaski chapter 1 . 5/25/2006
Not too bad, but you should fix your paragraphing so you don't have two or 3 different people talking in one paragraph, also put a summary of your story instead of begging 'cause I think many more people would read this if they knew what it was about...
hired chapter 1 . 5/25/2006
Wow. Really grabs a hold of this group. The whole goth and emo thing was a little disturbing, but I read the entire thing. Good work and continue soon.